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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Onlyfans etc. Grim or not?

154 replies

Ithinkitsadoughnut · 13/04/2022 16:38

Separate discussion where I said I think those sort of sites are awful. Sad and tawdry. The people who put the content on are as bad as the ones paying for it. I think it's an unpopular opinion on MN.
So aibu - it's all fair and good
Ainbu - it's grim

OP posts:
planetme · 13/04/2022 19:43

@TibetanTerrah

I think it's dangerous in that it makes the insta-life appear achievable for everyone and for very little work. Oh I can make £££ just my posting a few pics. It's eroding the work ethic and ambition of an entire generation imo for a lifestyle dream that isn't realistic.
This sums it up for me
TheYearOfSmallThings · 13/04/2022 19:47

I actually think Mumsnet and Onlyfans is a match made in heaven. There are lots of strange men who like to watch women cleaning skirting boards and wiping kitchen surfaces that don't need to be wiped.

User135644 · 13/04/2022 19:49

I don't think being a sex worker is something to be proud of but it's a job.

DogsAndGin · 13/04/2022 19:53

Grim doesn’t cover it. It actively encourages objectification and violence against women

User135644 · 13/04/2022 19:55

@Pennox

totally grim - this entirely:

"The greatest trick the patriarchy ever played, is getting women to believe that porn is empowering."

I know a couple of women trying to make money on only fans. They aren't making much. They are terribly damaged, vulnerable women who have been treated well in life. I feel sorry for them. It's just another form of prostitution.

I don't think women who are selling their bodies for money on there, virtually or not, are typically mentally healthy or respectable people in general. Katona and Price says it all really.

No doubt there's women who are desperate for the money but it's not like they couldn't find a respectable job. Only Fans promises easy money for the workshy.

GwendolenAbott · 13/04/2022 19:57

Absolutely horrific that a women would degrade herself to that extent

Rosebuud · 13/04/2022 19:59

@Florenz

I don't see a problem with it. It's not empowering at all but neither is stacking shelves or working in a call centre or many other types of work.
There is nothing degrading about this type of honest work. Sure these are not typical empowering roles but they simply cannot be compared to thr degradation of offering a look at your fanny or tits for a few quid a time to any random punter off the street who wants to have a look.

Beyond shocked anyone could even remotely compare the two. No matter how well paid it is, Its still more empowering and dignified to stack a supermarket shelf than offer a look at your tits or fanny for a tenner to any random strange dirty bloke who is willing to pay.

malificent7 · 13/04/2022 19:59

It's not great but I can see why young woman might want to make a fast buck from it, expecially in this day and age.

BoodleBug51 · 13/04/2022 20:04

Utterly grim.

I feel quite worried that young women feel it's empowering to do when it's as far from it as it gets.

Ballcactus · 13/04/2022 20:08

Sex work is work. If you’re not a fan don’t consume it, much like anything else. But if you consume any mainstream porn that is way worse

LexMitior · 13/04/2022 20:14

@Ballcactus

Sex work is work. If you’re not a fan don’t consume it, much like anything else. But if you consume any mainstream porn that is way worse
And what do you do for a living?
Googlecanthelpme · 13/04/2022 20:15

Personally I think grim. Although it’s taken a lot of thought to balance out the arguments for female empowerment versus exploitation but I’ve come to the realisation / conclusion that sexualisation of yourself for men (primary audience let’s be honest) can never be empowering because it is ultimately still sexualisation and still for the male gaze.

I read something the other day which made a lot of sense for me. Old Mandy from hollyoaks was wanging on about how empowering it is for her to take back control of her body etc etc and someone commented that whilst she may feel empowered personally, that does not mean it is empowering for the collective.
And that stuck with me - yes there are women making absolute bank from only fans and perhaps they do feel empowered by it, but they are contributing to the ever growing problem of rape culture / dehumanising of women / sex trafficking etc.
just because THEY are ok they don’t see the harm. But it IS harmful.

I can’t support the idea of empowerment for the individual when the collective is so damaged by it

ArcheryAnnie · 13/04/2022 20:18

@YellowPlant

I’m aware this is nonsensical but I would definitely judge someone for using/paying for it but I wouldn’t judge someone for putting out content/making money from it.
Not necessarily nonsensical. I don't judge women who are forced into prostitution but I judge mightily pimps and johns.
Original poster
Ithinkitsadoughnut · 13/04/2022 20:29

I am glad I asked now. And yes, the press are encouraging it with their choice of angle and wording on their features. I am sick of the 'empowerment' argument. These doing it, and encouraging others to do the same always insisting it's nothing to be ashamed of are maybe going to regret this decision in the future. I am pleased so many conversations are being had with daughters on here.

OP posts:
Whatsnewpussyhat · 13/04/2022 20:30

The 'Sex work is work' mantra is pushed by those who wish to exploit women.

sHREDDIES19 · 13/04/2022 20:40

Grim as fuck and I worry for my daughter and young girls today.

portionplate · 13/04/2022 20:50

@Googlecanthelpme that's a very good point. It can empower the individual but it certainly ingrains the objectivity of women.

I think it's so confusing for young tweens & teens of both sexes. On one hand it's empowering for a young woman to post a underwear shot but young men shouldn't objectivity that girl & ogle the photo. Wear what you like but if you are sexually assaulted your outfit & conduct may be used against you.

Lucia23 · 13/04/2022 20:55

Totally agree with you. No gendered comparison can be made between minimum wage jobs and actively harming women and girls and they are viewed in society.

Onlyfans does exactly that.

Lucia23 · 13/04/2022 20:56

Sorry that agree with you was meant for @Rosebuud

portionplate · 13/04/2022 20:58

I have a teenage nephew & I was talking to him about a girl who he knew & seemed to like him. He said he liked her but felt uncomfortable about some of her social media because he felt he should like or comment on it & also thought it was hypocritical because he wouldn't want her to post that content if they were in a relationship. He asked me if that's a bad reaction & I genuinely wasn't sure what to say.

Norgie · 13/04/2022 20:58

How is stripping off empowering? Do these women even know what empower means?
Women have been using their bodies for financial gain since time began and mostly because it was for survival rather than choice.
Yet suddenly today, it's ' empowering '.
The only ones empowered by this are men, do you know why? Because they're the ones paying you to do what they want you to do.
Yes, many women have the choice, but a higher percentage don't.
They may think that they're empowered by creating an only fans page to make money by showing their tits and bits, but the reality is that they're no more empowered than the young girl putting your groceries through the till in the supermarket.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 13/04/2022 21:03

@Northernsoullover

I keep seeing a woman pop up on my FYP on tiktok. She says 75% of her subscribers are women. She seems to do quite well out of it and paid 175k in tax last year. Its not my bag but I sometimes wish it was when I'm counting my pennies !
Is it Becky? The lass with the red hair?

She's really interesting to follow and I think hinted she was on here.

In one of her videos she was saying that yes she is selling her body but so do others (models, body builders, actors, cleaners, surgeons etc) just in different ways, and others sell their minds (lawyers, accountants etc).

I don't necessarily agree with what she said but in a way she does have a point, we do all sell a part of us when we go to work.

Still not my cup of tea but she is quite funny on tiktok

Horological · 13/04/2022 21:13

@NeverChange

Surely, it's safer for them to use it than actually meet people in person. Is it not safe?

So, your idea of safety is just physical. Do you also think that online bullying is safe because it's not physical?

Working on OF is extremely damaging psychologically in a way that money can't compensate for.

Birdy272 · 13/04/2022 21:16

Grim but also desperate.

justasking111 · 13/04/2022 21:58

A very grand house near us we didn't know the owners until OH came home the other day saying the owners are part of the only fans company, he asked me what it was. I googled and now know. There's money in it for some.