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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think 8am to 6pm at nursery/school+wraparound is just too much

571 replies

magicsoosh · 13/04/2022 03:57

Apparently Mon-Fri 8am to 6pm childcare is normal.. AIBU to think that's a lot? That's more hours than most full time jobs

OP posts:
user1471538283 · 13/04/2022 18:15

My DS had to do this because I worked at least 9 until 5. It's what working parents have to do. I would have preferred his DF to pay maintenance so I could work less or to have a better paid job to work less or be wealthy and not work. But you know ...

What would you do to change it then?

brookstar · 13/04/2022 18:16

And I look forward to raising my daughters without exposing them to feminist toxicity.

Oh yes, those pesky feminists fighting for women's rights.
I hope your daughters grow up to understand they have a choice in how they want to live their lives.

FairyCatMother · 13/04/2022 18:18

@Waxonwaxoff0 Such a valuable contribution to this discussion. The great one has spoken!

@luxxlisbon if slaving away for a corporation that will dispose of and forget you eventually, whilst your children are looked after/raised by others for 10+ hours a day is regarded as a ‘choice’, then I will advise my daughters to do all they can to reject this ‘choice’.

Thehop · 13/04/2022 18:18

[quote FairyCatMother]@TheKeatingFive And what benefits are these? Being deprived of their parents' company for 10+ hours a day, for the sake of being able to afford that all-important TV subscription, and fashionable conformity to the latest societal norm of women being in the work place as much as men, with the added pressure of raising a family and maintaining a household as well?[/quote]
@FairyCatMother as a senior member of staff in private nurseries for over 20 years I can tell you the benefits are considerable. Children in nurseries are constantly talked to, planned for, played with and have their development stretched to create curious, independent and sociable learners.

It’s near impossible to create that at home and children who came to us at 2/3 years after being at home were, in the majority, quite far behind (developmentally) the similarly aged children who had been at nursery from being babies.

You can’t discount the brilliant job that some stay at home parents do, but they are not the norm.

It’s really really wrong to say there’s no advantage to childcare. The advantages are huge.

sweetbambi · 13/04/2022 18:19

@luxxlisbon problem is when some 'feminist' see anything that is not the woman choosing to work while leaving the child in care as something to be pittied or looked down on and at least naive even when it was the parents choice to structure their family like that so it's not really a choice is it or at least not a choice that people can make without feeling negative push back. I felt so bad for my friend when we once talked about families and they expressed feeling guilty wanting to be a stay at home parent as that is now seen as anti feminist

FairyCatMother · 13/04/2022 18:20

@codeVeronica You think that feminism is the only way forwards to achieve happiness? Kindly fuck back off to work!

brookstar · 13/04/2022 18:20

[quote FairyCatMother]@Waxonwaxoff0 Such a valuable contribution to this discussion. The great one has spoken!

@luxxlisbon if slaving away for a corporation that will dispose of and forget you eventually, whilst your children are looked after/raised by others for 10+ hours a day is regarded as a ‘choice’, then I will advise my daughters to do all they can to reject this ‘choice’.[/quote]
And if your daughters choose to have a career and a family will you support them?

Pennox · 13/04/2022 18:21

What about women running their OWN companies? Is that allowed?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 13/04/2022 18:21

[quote FairyCatMother]@Waxonwaxoff0 Such a valuable contribution to this discussion. The great one has spoken!

@luxxlisbon if slaving away for a corporation that will dispose of and forget you eventually, whilst your children are looked after/raised by others for 10+ hours a day is regarded as a ‘choice’, then I will advise my daughters to do all they can to reject this ‘choice’.[/quote]
And you think you're making a valuable contribution to society by pedalling views that women are of lesser value than men? Hilarious.

NotTheOW · 13/04/2022 18:22

@magicsoosh

Apparently Mon-Fri 8am to 6pm childcare is normal.. AIBU to think that's a lot? That's more hours than most full time jobs
Of course it is. The parents have to get to and from work.
codeVeronica · 13/04/2022 18:23

[quote FairyCatMother]@codeVeronica You think that feminism is the only way forwards to achieve happiness? Kindly fuck back off to work![/quote]
I think women should be able to work if they want to. I thought that in this day and age this is not a controversial statement.

I hope don't vote, or disagree with your husband, or need to get a job to survive, or need to use a woman's hostel, or any of the other things made possible by feminism.

brookstar · 13/04/2022 18:23

You think that feminism is the only way forwards to achieve happiness? Kindly fuck back off to work!

Aren't you a delight?
Feminism is important- fighting for equality in society is a good thing. It always surprises me to hear women push against this as it benefits us all no matter what your choices are.

Scottishskifun · 13/04/2022 18:23

I underestimated my earlier statement that @fairycatmother give sahp a bad name......she gives them a really horrifically bad name and thankfully no sahp I know reflects the backward view of not giving girls the right in life to choose their own path!

codeVeronica · 13/04/2022 18:24

@Pennox

What about women running their OWN companies? Is that allowed?
Of course not! Woman exist only to serve their husbands and raise children.

Women in charge of a company. What ever will those horrible modern feminists think of next?

AchillesPoirot · 13/04/2022 18:28

[quote FairyCatMother]@AchillesPoirot There are plenty of definitions for ‘jobs’ vs ‘careers’ a quick Google search away, if you are unaware of the difference then it’s a valuable search tool to use!

By ‘afford to look after them without a career’, namely an implicit choice become a SAHP whilst the other parent remains the breadwinner.[/quote]
How patronising. I can google. I’m interested in your particular definition that you are using.

But people on benefits can afford to look after their children without a career?

FairyCatMother · 13/04/2022 18:30

@codeVeronica The things you listed existed long before 'feminism' was invented, but they were provided by community and charitable organisations, as they are now. a PhD in History clarifies this!

@Waxonwaxoff0 And you never knew until today that alternative views existed? Incredible, an example of toxic feminism if ever there was one!

Waxonwaxoff0 · 13/04/2022 18:32

[quote FairyCatMother]@codeVeronica The things you listed existed long before 'feminism' was invented, but they were provided by community and charitable organisations, as they are now. a PhD in History clarifies this!

@Waxonwaxoff0 And you never knew until today that alternative views existed? Incredible, an example of toxic feminism if ever there was one![/quote]
Believing that women are inferior to men is not a "view." It's despicable misogyny.

cafedesreves · 13/04/2022 18:38

@mrziggycoco

It just seems bizarre to me that you would not see your baby or child for that long each day so you can work, so you can pay for the child to be in care, so you can work.
I earn over 3 times what nursery costs... so that's not right.
luxxlisbon · 13/04/2022 18:42

[quote sweetbambi]@luxxlisbon problem is when some 'feminist' see anything that is not the woman choosing to work while leaving the child in care as something to be pittied or looked down on and at least naive even when it was the parents choice to structure their family like that so it's not really a choice is it or at least not a choice that people can make without feeling negative push back. I felt so bad for my friend when we once talked about families and they expressed feeling guilty wanting to be a stay at home parent as that is now seen as anti feminist[/quote]
Ironic that it’s feminists pitying and looking down on others when the rude comments are those from SAHMs on this thread.

You can stay home and be a feminist, you can stay home and not be shitty to women who chose or have to work.
You can choose to stay home and not put your children in daycare, it doesn’t make you a better person, it doesn’t make you a better mother and it doesn’t give you the right to be judgemental about other women’s choices.

I don’t think a single comment has suggested being a SAHM is wrong or bad, but there are countless suggesting that working a typical 9-5 is actually bad and wrong. 🙄

MajorCarolDanvers · 13/04/2022 18:44

They are working though are they?

They are playing, eating, sleeping, receiving care, learning.

So not a reasonable comparison with a full time job at all.

emeraldcity2000 · 13/04/2022 18:45

[quote FairyCatMother]@AchillesPoirot If you chose to place your children in childcare for 10+ hours a day for the sake of your job, when you could have afforded to look after them without a career, then yes of course! Placing your children in childcare for that length of time to pursue a career, if you could afford not to, is of course putting them second to it![/quote]
Too simplistic. My career benefits my children. They have a nicer standard of living and they have options open to them that wouldn't be possible if I didn't work.
I still bake with them, do homework, craft, read with them, take care of them when they are poorly, take them to play dates and the park. I also provide them with financial security, an understanding that men and women are equal and childcare that I genuinely believe is more stimulating that being at home watching me do the housework (or berate strangers in mumsnet....)

FairyCatMother · 13/04/2022 18:47

@Waxonwaxoff0 Where did I say that women are inferior to men? Our roles and strengths are different, that does not make either sex superior or inferior. What a poisonous and dangerous mindset you have, so quick to make exaggerated (and inaccurate) assumptions about views that contrast your own.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 13/04/2022 18:50

[quote FairyCatMother]@Waxonwaxoff0 Where did I say that women are inferior to men? Our roles and strengths are different, that does not make either sex superior or inferior. What a poisonous and dangerous mindset you have, so quick to make exaggerated (and inaccurate) assumptions about views that contrast your own.[/quote]
Feminism by definition is the belief that women and men should be equal. If you are anti feminist, you are anti equality. You are damaging women who actually want to make different choices to you and who want to work and have careers. Why do you think they should not do that if they want to?

brookstar · 13/04/2022 18:50

Our roles and strengths are different,

In your opinion.

codeVeronica · 13/04/2022 18:51

[quote FairyCatMother]@codeVeronica The things you listed existed long before 'feminism' was invented, but they were provided by community and charitable organisations, as they are now. a PhD in History clarifies this!

@Waxonwaxoff0 And you never knew until today that alternative views existed? Incredible, an example of toxic feminism if ever there was one![/quote]
So the suffragettes weren't feminists at all? The didn't believe in equality between men and women?

And you can't possibly have a PHD in history, your a woman!

Does your husband know your on here? I hope he gave you permission.

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