To think 8am to 6pm at nursery/school+wraparound is just too much

[magicsoosh]

Apparently Mon-Fri 8am to 6pm childcare is normal.. AIBU to think that's a lot? That's more hours than most full time jobs

@FairyCatMother do you think that I put my children second to my career?

@FairyCatMother Do you have any daughters?

Did op ever come back with their suggestions on how people manage working? You know people who have to work 9-5 to literally keep a roof over their heads?

[quote sweetbambi]@Scottishskifun and if your son said he missed you and wanted more time with you would you have cut back your hours? if they had become an issue[/quote]
I would want to get to the bottom of why he wasn't enjoying a setting first and if there was a better option for him or work with the nursery first to improve his experience.

Would I cut all my hours because a 3 year old makes a comment no.
If it was a continuous problem causing severe distress we would examine what options were best. But I'm the main bread winner in my amazing 21st century modern family so it wouldn't be me cutting my hours it would be my husband as we both parent.

@AchillesPoirot If you chose to place your children in childcare for 10+ hours a day for the sake of your job, when you could have afforded to look after them without a career, then yes of course! Placing your children in childcare for that length of time to pursue a career, if you could afford not to, is of course putting them second to it!

[quote FairyCatMother]@AchillesPoirot If you chose to place your children in childcare for 10+ hours a day for the sake of your job, when you could have afforded to look after them without a career, then yes of course! Placing your children in childcare for that length of time to pursue a career, if you could afford not to, is of course putting them second to it![/quote]
Define “afford to look after them without a career” please.

Also. Define career vs job please too.

[quote FairyCatMother]@Scottishskifun Yes DH and I choose to lead a family lifestyle that is more akin to the traditional mindsets of the early 20th century, it was another reason in deciding for me to become a SAHM. By that I take a more traditional approach to femininity, such as in my choices of fashion, pursuits and outlook etc. I am quite open and honest about this, as I am sure others are with a more modern outlook.[/quote]
That works for you.
My family is a modern one, my husband does 50% of parenting and I'm the bread winner.
Except you seem to show a clear lack of respect for peoples life choices

Many women don't want to live by standards 70 years ago their mums and grandmother's fought hard for equality in the workplace and although a way to go believe in it!

@Scottishskifun well your son is vert lucky then to have two parents that would put his needs first. I do know from experience this is not always the case.

@AchillesPoirot There are plenty of definitions for ‘jobs’ vs ‘careers’ a quick Google search away, if you are unaware of the difference then it’s a valuable search tool to use!

By ‘afford to look after them without a career’, namely an implicit choice become a SAHP whilst the other parent remains the breadwinner.

[quote FairyCatMother]@Scottishskifun Yes DH and I choose to lead a family lifestyle that is more akin to the traditional mindsets of the early 20th century, it was another reason in deciding for me to become a SAHM. By that I take a more traditional approach to femininity, such as in my choices of fashion, pursuits and outlook etc. I am quite open and honest about this, as I am sure others are with a more modern outlook.[/quote]
God this sounds dire.

My kids loved being at nursery, childminder and afterschool club. Running about outside with other kids their own age was great. They are now happy, healthy teenagers.

@Scottishskifun And many women prefer to live as I’ve described. Shocking anti-feminist heretic I am, but anti-feminist and proud!

[quote FairyCatMother]@Scottishskifun And many women prefer to live as I’ve described. Shocking anti-feminist heretic I am, but anti-feminist and proud![/quote]
I really hope you don't have daughters!

[quote FairyCatMother]@Scottishskifun And many women prefer to live as I’ve described. Shocking anti-feminist heretic I am, but anti-feminist and proud![/quote]
Being anti-feminist isn't something to be proud of.

I pity your daughters, or any women your sons choose to marry.

@Pennox

Running about outside with other kids their own age was great

I’m pretty sure most SAHPs take their kids outside to play with other kids…!

And I'm pretty sure most working mothers bake cakes with their kids, read them bedtime stories, help them with their homework, spend the day at home with them when they are ill, take them to playdates and the park when they can. I certainly did.

[quote sweetbambi]@TheKeatingFive if you pick up at 6 and bed time is at 7-7:30 one hour two at the most is essentially what they get[/quote]
Mine get up at 5/6am so I get plenty of time in the morning as well - which actually tended to be much more quality time than after nursery when they were tired

Most don't have an alternative. Gone are the days where you can fund a family on one wage and we aren't all lucky enough to have family on tap who want to help. Mine went for two half days from age 10 months and a year. I don't think it benefitted them at that age and they would have been better off with me but we wouldn't have got a decent mortgage on one wage so it had to be done. Aside from shit on working parents what is the point of your post? You do you op.

@babyjellyfish I am very proud and unashamed to be anti-feminist, for many reasons I’m not going into on this thread. And I look forward to raising my daughters without exposing them to feminist toxicity.

And I look forward to raising my daughters without exposing them to feminist toxicity.

Yes it would be awful for them to assume they had a choice for their life and could choose career, or to work around their kids, or to have a stay at home husband or to stay at home if they choose. So toxic.

Instead they will be free to stay at home, in the kitchen, where they belong.

[quote FairyCatMother]@babyjellyfish I am very proud and unashamed to be anti-feminist, for many reasons I’m not going into on this thread. And I look forward to raising my daughters without exposing them to feminist toxicity.[/quote]
Wow just wow.

I really hope your daughters have their own minds and you respect whatever their choices are in life rather then forcing them to choose something based on you!

[quote FairyCatMother]@babyjellyfish I am very proud and unashamed to be anti-feminist, for many reasons I’m not going into on this thread. And I look forward to raising my daughters without exposing them to feminist toxicity.[/quote]
This is just embarrassing.

@HardbackWriter

The evidence for the impact of early childcare, and whether it has any, is very mixed - unlike the research on the impact of parental income on children's life chances, which is absolutely crystal clear. If you were making an evidence-driven choice (which I don't necessarily advocate for this kind of decision) then you'd choose to have two working parents, every time.

Absolutely! 100%.

The evidence on childcare suggests the following:
The quality of childcare is key.
There is no evidence that high quality childcare is detrimental to very young children. It might not be offering any additional benefits but it's certainly not detrimental.
poverty is key and the biggest indicator of future outcomes.

With attitudes like yours, I sincerely hope you don’t have any children, and if you do then more pity them. I’m not sure I would like to grow up believing myself to be if secondary importance to my mother’s career!

@FairyCatMother
You think I shouldn't have children because I think men and women should be equal in both the home and the workplace?

Kindly fuck off back to the 1800s.