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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think 8am to 6pm at nursery/school+wraparound is just too much

571 replies

magicsoosh · 13/04/2022 03:57

Apparently Mon-Fri 8am to 6pm childcare is normal.. AIBU to think that's a lot? That's more hours than most full time jobs

OP posts:
sweetbambi · 13/04/2022 16:18

@TheKeatingFive and to answer your question some children where parents both priorities their career and career progression over their child are in that exact situation

herethereandeverywhere · 13/04/2022 16:18

Meh. My kids did it - no problems at all. Today I was discussing how I might give up my job (as we were sitting on a chairlift on our skiing holiday).
I thought that they might want me around more/to pay them more attention (though not the reason I'm quitting) and they both tried to persuade me not to and gave a (really great reasoned and quite complimentary) list of reasons why I should not. They are 10 and 12. Not all parents work ft because they need to. Some want to. And my kids certainly don't seem damaged by it.
It's a structured day with the necessary amount of attention. Enabling parents to afford the things they need and in fortunate cases some luxuries on top. I'd say a judgy attitude was a far worse thing to raise kids around. But we're all different aren't we?

AchillesPoirot · 13/04/2022 16:19

[quote FairyCatMother]@Scottishskifun Yes DH and I choose to lead a family lifestyle that is more akin to the traditional mindsets of the early 20th century, it was another reason in deciding for me to become a SAHM. By that I take a more traditional approach to femininity, such as in my choices of fashion, pursuits and outlook etc. I am quite open and honest about this, as I am sure others are with a more modern outlook.[/quote]
I did that.

He had an affair and became abusive.

Be careful.

sweetbambi · 13/04/2022 16:21

@herethereandeverywhere that is a very different age to nursery. at that age of course they rather spend time with their friends and parents are just embarrassing. if they were 2-9 years old you might have gotten a very different answer

TheKeatingFive · 13/04/2022 16:21

I am pretty sure if you ask any child they would prefer to have more then an hour with their parent before bedtime

But equally, perhaps they'd also value the private school you could send them to, the university you could fund, the interests you could facilitate for them, the deposit for a house you could give to them.

If neither parent spends more than an hour a day with their child, that's not a nursery situation we're talking about, because a nursery wouldn't facilitate that. So you seem to be talking about a family with a nanny or something, which is moving the goalposts of this discussion in a way that's frustrating to follow.

Most people I know drop off around 8.30 and pick up around 5.30, with parents juggling hours to shave 30 mins, an hour off that at either side. So much more than an hour a day.

FairyCatMother · 13/04/2022 16:22

@AchillesPoirot I don't make decisions based on the likelihood of DH having an affair, otherwise I would never cross the road for fear of being run over!

AchillesPoirot · 13/04/2022 16:23

[quote FairyCatMother]@AchillesPoirot I don't make decisions based on the likelihood of DH having an affair, otherwise I would never cross the road for fear of being run over![/quote]
Neither did I.

sweetbambi · 13/04/2022 16:23

@TheKeatingFive if you pick up at 6 and bed time is at 7-7:30 one hour two at the most is essentially what they get

TheKeatingFive · 13/04/2022 16:23

some children where parents both priorities their career and career progression over their child are in that exact situation

Which is irrelevant to this thread because nursery care doesn't cover two weeks at a time.

AchillesPoirot · 13/04/2022 16:24

[quote sweetbambi]@TheKeatingFive if you pick up at 6 and bed time is at 7-7:30 one hour two at the most is essentially what they get[/quote]
What about the morning before nursery?

What about weekends?

What about holidays?

(My dd didn’t go to bed at 7/7.30 ever!)

herethereandeverywhere · 13/04/2022 16:25

@sweetbambi but they are hardly so old as to not remember that time?

I never had a problem sending them, it was normal for them and their nursery/class mates. They'd have been bored at home.

And once they got older they use the time to do hobbies and/or homework.

You are seeing a problem where there isn't one. You do you, yeah? Wink

codeVeronica · 13/04/2022 16:25

[quote FairyCatMother]@voldr Of course I believe it's a bad thing.[/quote]
You think women being able to work as much as men is a bad thing?

Do you also think they should get their husbands permission to do anything? That they should be payed less than men?

Jesus how depressing.

Gnomechange · 13/04/2022 16:27

Sorry @magicsoosh, mine is in nursery full time because I need to feed and clothe her.I love her and she loves nursery and i believe it is helping her development.

herethereandeverywhere · 13/04/2022 16:27

Oh, should have said, mine did nursery from 10 months old. 3 days a week rising to 5 days age 4.

sweetbambi · 13/04/2022 16:28

@AchillesPoirot I was talking about a normal Monday-Friday. so during the work week some kids get 2 hours with their parents? that is hardly great I am sure and while your daughter at nursery age did not go to bed by 7:30 for a lot it is

TheKeatingFive · 13/04/2022 16:28

if you pick up at 6 and bed time is at 7-7:30 one hour two at the most is essentially what they get

And if you pick up at 5.00 and bed time is 8pm, they get more, plus time in the morning. They might also get early pick ups where they go with dad/mum/granny after lunch a couple of times a week. There are so many specific situations that you aren't privy to. I certainly don't know of any child who only has an hour before bed 5 days a week.

Lipsandlashes · 13/04/2022 16:33

Judgemental much! Mine went from 7.45am-6pm three days a week. They started so early and finished late because I had a one hour plus commute. I promise they are normal, well adjusted kids now. They could read and spell simple words when they started school and have done nothing but thrive.

mrziggycoco · 13/04/2022 16:34

It just seems bizarre to me that you would not see your baby or child for that long each day so you can work, so you can pay for the child to be in care, so you can work.

sweetbambi · 13/04/2022 16:35

but this thread is specifically saying that 8-6 is too long. so I am assuming there are kids that are actually at nursery from 8-6. I know this as the place I worked offered this for kids as young as 6 months so clearly people are using them so if it is not a necessary and it is just so neither parent needs to stop prioritising their career (yes there are people like that) that is the end result these kids get

mrziggycoco · 13/04/2022 16:36

@Fleur405

Well it has to be more hours than most full time jobs otherwise one parent (usually the mother) couldn’t have a full time job!
Oh no, what a tragedy that would be!
sweetbambi · 13/04/2022 16:36

@TheKeatingFive sorry posted before tagging

AchillesPoirot · 13/04/2022 16:37

@mrziggycoco

It just seems bizarre to me that you would not see your baby or child for that long each day so you can work, so you can pay for the child to be in care, so you can work.
So is it a better option for me and my kids to have been on benefits?
FairyCatMother · 13/04/2022 16:40

@codeVeronica In many ways yes I do think it's a bad thing, and far more depressing is when children spend 10+ hours a day apart from their parents because their parents opt to fulfill this modern trend (note: I say opt, I am not referring to those whose circumstances force it).

TheKeatingFive · 13/04/2022 16:40

but this thread is specifically saying that 8-6 is too long. so I am assuming there are kids that are actually at nursery from 8-6.

Those are the hours nurseries offer, yes.

In my experience however, it's rare for parents to use all of those hours, everyday. It's much more flexible than that.

mrziggycoco · 13/04/2022 16:42

@sst1234

Do you have a better alternative OP? Something that would be more acceptable in your view? Like having one parent (usually the mother) stay at home and sacrifice their financial independence, or perhaps one parent staying at home when they can’t afford to and rely on welfare - both of which set a bad example for the child? The only better alternative I can think of is having supportive family nearby who can help with childcare, not everyone has that privilege.
But in a family you are not independent that's the whole point of family. You are a few people working together as one whole family unit playing different roles.