Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think 8am to 6pm at nursery/school+wraparound is just too much

571 replies

magicsoosh · 13/04/2022 03:57

Apparently Mon-Fri 8am to 6pm childcare is normal.. AIBU to think that's a lot? That's more hours than most full time jobs

OP posts:
sweetbambi · 13/04/2022 15:54

@TheKeatingFive not all nurseries are equal trust me. the last one I worked at tbf I would not trust them with my dog never mind my child.

I think it would be dishonest to not point out there are none material benefits for the child to have more time with family

Scottishskifun · 13/04/2022 15:55

Tbh @FairyCatMother is giving sahp a bad name!
I kept my career because I worked damn hard to get it, societal norm for women to work???? Seriously did you hit your head and wake up in the 1950s?

My mum worked and still does, my grandmother was a nurse. I'm proud to have strong women in my family. As a child my mum always made important things and I loved clubs, activities and summer camps.

It's each to their own family set up, my DS loves nursery who can blame him when he explores outside at forest school 2 days a week and nursery the rest of the time. I would live to be making campfires, bug hotels and playing with my friends all day!

TheKeatingFive · 13/04/2022 15:57

not all nurseries are equal trust me.

Where did I say they were, I totally agree with you on this point

I think it would be dishonest to not point out there are none material benefits for the child to have more time with family

Not sure why you always start your sentences with that turn of phrase, but sure. However that point doesn't take into consideration the quality of that time with family, the quality of time with other care givers and the weighing up of all that with the financial and security benefits of growing up in a two income household.

sweetbambi · 13/04/2022 15:58

@Scottishskifun and if your son said he missed you and wanted more time with you would you have cut back your hours? if they had become an issue

gogohm · 13/04/2022 15:58

It is a lot, but many people don't have a choice. I personally couldn't do it and quit work taking a job I could wfh with the kids (property manager)

babyjellyfish · 13/04/2022 15:58

[quote FairyCatMother]@Lunalae Proves the point I made earlier about threads like these attracting the poor resentful dears with an overwhelming bitterness and hostility towards those who have been able to choose to become SAHP. If you have to declare in an online discussion that you 'get respect and rewarded', I doubt the amount is that overwhelming. Likewise, I can declare that being a SAHM gives me precious and unforgettable times with my children, and plenty of time to pursue other interests and hobbies which often involve them too. I would take these precious moments and memories over 'respect and rewards' any day, as I'm sure would many other parents who have chosen to become SAHP. In one way, the resentment and hostility shown by people like you, make it all the more worthwhile![/quote]
Honestly, the most hostility I've seen on this thread has been from you (and perhaps the OP for starting this goady post).

I hope you aren't spending your days teaching your children to be as judgemental as you.

Qwill · 13/04/2022 15:58

It’s always the same, always the woman that takes the flack. I never hear about men who work full time getting this much stick.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 13/04/2022 15:58

[quote FairyCatMother]@emeraldcity2000 Whilst their children are still too young to be apart from their parents for such long periods, yes. It's not that hard to grasp!

@Waxonwaxoff0 The point of discussion is entirely that. Resentful, much?

Anyway I'm signing off, time to take my LO to his baby group![/quote]
I'm not resentful. I was a SAHP until my DS was 4, then I worked school hours only. I just don't criticise others for their choices.

TheKeatingFive · 13/04/2022 15:58

Tbh @FairyCatMother is giving sahp a bad name!

Ain't that the truth 😆

FairyCatMother · 13/04/2022 15:59

@Scottishskifun Yes DH and I choose to lead a family lifestyle that is more akin to the traditional mindsets of the early 20th century, it was another reason in deciding for me to become a SAHM. By that I take a more traditional approach to femininity, such as in my choices of fashion, pursuits and outlook etc. I am quite open and honest about this, as I am sure others are with a more modern outlook.

sweetbambi · 13/04/2022 16:01

@TheKeatingFive at the end of the day every family is different and everyone can only do what they see as best. I am just pointing out that when both parents out of choice not necessity priorities their career over the child it is not situation with only benefits

FairyCatMother · 13/04/2022 16:01

@babyjellyfish The greatest hostility has come from posts like yours, which have served to deflect from OP's original expression that 10+ hours a day is too long spent in childcare. I have taken time expressing my views and the reasons for those.

babyjellyfish · 13/04/2022 16:04

[quote FairyCatMother]@babyjellyfish The greatest hostility has come from posts like yours, which have served to deflect from OP's original expression that 10+ hours a day is too long spent in childcare. I have taken time expressing my views and the reasons for those.[/quote]
I'm not deflecting at all.

10 hours a day in childcare is a perfectly normal amount of time when both parents are working.

Many people do not have a choice at all, and others (such as me) choose to work to give our kids better opportunities in life than they would be able to have if we chose to survive on a much lower income.

You and OP seem to be implying that anyone who hasn't adopted a 1950s setup with mother staying at home baking cookies is a terrible parent.

cafedesreves · 13/04/2022 16:05

@FairyCatMother i don't have an 100pm subscription!!
Was just making the point no one in their right mind would pay £1000k a month to fund a subscription. My son goes to nursery because we have a 2.5k p/m mortgage to pay, and I enjoy my job. And he's really happy.

cafedesreves · 13/04/2022 16:06

Sorry 1k not 1000k!

TheKeatingFive · 13/04/2022 16:07

at the end of the day every family is different and everyone can only do what they see as best

Yes of course

i am just pointing out that when both parents out of choice not necessity priorities their career over the child it is not situation with only benefits

It's just a very odd binary way of expressing it. Prioritising 'over' their child does of course sound negative, but in the longer term, as the benefits mount up, it may not look like this at all, but a valuable investment in the child's future. I never understand why people aren't more forward thinking in these discussions. It's not just about the 2 year old child, what about when they're 10, 18, 24?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 13/04/2022 16:07

[quote FairyCatMother]@Scottishskifun Yes DH and I choose to lead a family lifestyle that is more akin to the traditional mindsets of the early 20th century, it was another reason in deciding for me to become a SAHM. By that I take a more traditional approach to femininity, such as in my choices of fashion, pursuits and outlook etc. I am quite open and honest about this, as I am sure others are with a more modern outlook.[/quote]
Presumably you expect people to respect the choices you've made for your family. You should offer others the same courtesy.

CharityShopChic · 13/04/2022 16:07

Totally agree with the OP. It's a lot. And it's not hours I would have been happy with my kids doing.

But children who have been in daycare/nursery 8-6 from a young age know no different.

hangrylady · 13/04/2022 16:10

[quote FairyCatMother]@Lunalae Proves the point I made earlier about threads like these attracting the poor resentful dears with an overwhelming bitterness and hostility towards those who have been able to choose to become SAHP. If you have to declare in an online discussion that you 'get respect and rewarded', I doubt the amount is that overwhelming. Likewise, I can declare that being a SAHM gives me precious and unforgettable times with my children, and plenty of time to pursue other interests and hobbies which often involve them too. I would take these precious moments and memories over 'respect and rewards' any day, as I'm sure would many other parents who have chosen to become SAHP. In one way, the resentment and hostility shown by people like you, make it all the more worthwhile![/quote]
I doubt anyone is resentful of you living off your husband's meagre salary (your words). People are pissed off with your judgemental 1930s attitude not the fact your a SAHM

Mayhemmumma · 13/04/2022 16:10

I work five days.
Mine do 8.45am - 4pm four days a week (3.15 on a Friday)
Sometimes it's an absolute nightmare rushing back in time and makes me so stressed but I don't want to send a them longer hours because they'd be worn out, I feel it's too much already and lessens time for them to do other things after school or just time to relax. I am just about able juggle it with a break to pick them up then work the evening at home.

So I agree with you OP but it's not so easy for a lot of jobs

sweetbambi · 13/04/2022 16:11

@TheKeatingFive and what about situations where if neither parent takes a step back the child can go weeks without seeing their parents? or is it OK to push ahead with your career but only to the right amount?

voldr · 13/04/2022 16:11

and fashionable conformity to the latest societal norm of women being in the work place as much as men

@FairyCatMother

You say that likes it's a bad thing.

TheKeatingFive · 13/04/2022 16:13

what about situations where if neither parent takes a step back the child can go weeks without seeing their parents?

But who is in that position? That's an entirely different point to the OP which is about using nursery during working hours.

sweetbambi · 13/04/2022 16:16

@TheKeatingFive I am pretty sure if you ask any child they would prefer to have more then an hour with their parent before bedtime

FairyCatMother · 13/04/2022 16:17

@voldr Of course I believe it's a bad thing.

Swipe left for the next trending thread