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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think 8am to 6pm at nursery/school+wraparound is just too much

571 replies

magicsoosh · 13/04/2022 03:57

Apparently Mon-Fri 8am to 6pm childcare is normal.. AIBU to think that's a lot? That's more hours than most full time jobs

OP posts:
codeVeronica · 13/04/2022 15:14

[quote FairyCatMother]@emeraldcity2000 Whilst their children are still too young to be apart from their parents for such long periods, yes. It's not that hard to grasp!

@Waxonwaxoff0 The point of discussion is entirely that. Resentful, much?

Anyway I'm signing off, time to take my LO to his baby group![/quote]
I don't think OP is coming back to her goady thread. Unless OP is fairycatmother, both seem to delight in shaming women for daring to have a career.

Scottishskifun · 13/04/2022 15:16

[quote FairyCatMother]@TheKeatingFive There's nothing wrong with having a career when your children are at an age where being apart from their parents/primary care-giver for 10+ hours a day is not potentially detrimental to their development. In the case of those who can afford not to, it makes sense to ask why bother having children, if you're planning to pass a large part of their care onto someone else?[/quote]
Suggest you speak to some early years primary school teachers......after the last 2 years its not the ones who have attended nursery who are socially and in many cases developmentally behind!

emeraldcity2000 · 13/04/2022 15:16

[quote sweetbambi]@AchillesPoirot then clearly the point people are trying to make is not about you.[/quote]
Yes, @AchillesPoirot you have been given special permission to work because of your circumstances.
It's women (and yes, it is usually women, look at the gender pay gap reporting if you don't agree) who could give up their careers and don't want to who are the 'problem' on this thread.

Whatinthelord · 13/04/2022 15:17

Yanbu to think it’s a lot. I think most parents would recognise that a young child being in childcare 8-6 x5 days is a lot and not ideal.
I think most people would prefer their young child to have fewer nursery hours and/or more care at home or with families. However the realities are that some families have no choice but to use full day childcare for their children. I don’t understand where people make an active choose to put their child in care for that long, but I do understand where it is the only suitable option due to family circumstances.

Is it normal? If by normal you mean common, then no it’s not common in our local community. I only know 2 children that do childcare 8-6 and they are children whose parents are teachers. I imagine it’s more common in some areas.

Gazelda · 13/04/2022 15:18

@FairyCatMother I think that you are one of only a tiny minority being judgmental in this thread. Of either side of the argument.

You don't seem to want to listen or participate in debate. Your way is the right way. Families with 2 working parents are wrong and doing so to the detriment of their DC all so they can have Netflix and a career.

What a shame you seem blinkered you other choices or circumstances.

I hope you hide your judgment to other mothers in your social group who work.

sweetbambi · 13/04/2022 15:19

@AchillesPoirot the point people or at least I was trying to make is that there are situations where it is a choice of both parents that neither sacrifices their career even though there are in some extreme cases downsides of this setup for the child. not always but there are cases like this

AchillesPoirot · 13/04/2022 15:22

The downside for the child is the long hours according to this thread. The motive and circumstances of the parent(s) is irrelevant to that.

Moonface123 · 13/04/2022 15:22

Each and every parent has to do what feels right for them. l don' t understand why people feel like they have to judge other peoples situations, parenting is hard enough without all this unnecessary shaming.
Young children are very resilient and adaptable , they have to be, they would never have survivied previously if they weren' t.
l had a huge group of new mum friends, we were all in different situations, some worked full time, others part time, some were SAHM, yet all the children seemed equally happy and adjusted.
You could use a similar argument re home schooling, yet again l know students that have been homeschooled from day one, others, including one of my own homeschooled much later on down the line and lots of others who went through the regular school system, all these students are older now and all of them are normal typical teenagers, l dont think there is a right way or a wrong way in any aspect of life, we all have our own personal perspectives.

TheKeatingFive · 13/04/2022 15:24

there are situations where it is a choice of both parents that neither sacrifices their career even though there are in some extreme cases downsides of this setup for the child.

But there may be significant benefits to both parents maintaining their career and what downsides specifically are you talking about?

The downsides of children being placed in high quality nurseries, from financially secure, comfortable and loving homes, would be very minimal even if they are in a bit longer than everyone would ideally like.

Fernshire · 13/04/2022 15:29

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AchillesPoirot · 13/04/2022 15:30

Exactly @Fernshire. And what was I supposed to do? My kids were here already

Lunalae · 13/04/2022 15:37

@magicsoosh

Apparently Mon-Fri 8am to 6pm childcare is normal.. AIBU to think that's a lot? That's more hours than most full time jobs
With a commute involved, no not really - it's precisely the length of a full time job.
sweetbambi · 13/04/2022 15:38

@TheKeatingFive in the example I gave because both parents prioritised their own careers it meant the child could go on for two weeks without seeing her parents, only seeing them on weekends or essentially best case weeks maybe for an hour in the evening and even then it was me giving her her bath and reading her good night story as her mother was preoccupied downstairs. I know it sounds harsh but the girl absolutely was suffering.

I know this is a lot longer than nursery hours but we can't burry our head in the sand and think interacting 1 hour before bed time with the parent is what is best for the child

AchillesPoirot · 13/04/2022 15:41

[quote sweetbambi]@TheKeatingFive in the example I gave because both parents prioritised their own careers it meant the child could go on for two weeks without seeing her parents, only seeing them on weekends or essentially best case weeks maybe for an hour in the evening and even then it was me giving her her bath and reading her good night story as her mother was preoccupied downstairs. I know it sounds harsh but the girl absolutely was suffering.

I know this is a lot longer than nursery hours but we can't burry our head in the sand and think interacting 1 hour before bed time with the parent is what is best for the child[/quote]
So it would have been better for my children, in the long term looking at their childhood as a whole, for them to be parented by a mother living off benefits?

Lunalae · 13/04/2022 15:41

[quote FairyCatMother]@TheKeatingFive And what benefits are these? Being deprived of their parents' company for 10+ hours a day, for the sake of being able to afford that all-important TV subscription, and fashionable conformity to the latest societal norm of women being in the work place as much as men, with the added pressure of raising a family and maintaining a household as well?[/quote]
I genuinely think the best part of having a career is how angry it makes bitter old women say things like "the latest societal norm of women being in the work place as much as men".

Gets me up in the morning, it does. The broken-veined scowling rage of it all! I get to earn a fuckton, I get respect, I get rewarded, and honestly - it's for the look on your face. It really is. It's for the screeches of "women should be at home!" and "women just want to be men now!"

Sorry you're bored, and boring.

TheKeatingFive · 13/04/2022 15:42

I know this is a lot longer than nursery hours but we can't burry our head in the sand and think interacting 1 hour before bed time with the parent is what is best for the child

But are you saying that or are you saying children are going two weeks without seeing their parents? Because yes the latter is problematic, but you seem to be conflating different things.

Lunalae · 13/04/2022 15:43

Love how especially thick people think women work "to afford little extras like Netflix."

I'm the breadwinner, love. I earn to run my household. Save your 'pin money' comments for the other old dears stuck in 1934.

FairyCatMother · 13/04/2022 15:45

@Fernshire You seem very resentful towards those who have different made different decisions and priorities to you, to the extent where your bitterness is almost laughable. Care to read my previous posts before entering the discussion with your rather immature hostility and expletives? I don't think my financial situation could be described as rich, and people like you give SAHP a bad name by assuming it is a choice preserved for the wealthy. So to quote yourself, why don't 'fuck the fuck off' back under whichever rock you emerged from.

GetYourGoatYouHavePulled · 13/04/2022 15:46

I drop mine off at nursery at 7:30 and pick up at 6, have done from 5 months, she’s 4 now. She is not outside her comfort zone at all. She loves it there, the staff are great and she has a lovely group of friends. The nursery seem to alternate between quiet and busy activities so she doesn’t get overly tired. I don’t feel guilty for leaving her there and seeing how she’s developed over the years and how confident she is my husband and I both agree it’s been the best thing for her.

sweetbambi · 13/04/2022 15:46

@TheKeatingFive my point was to point out why it is not a benefit for the child when BOTH parents solely priorities their career and still claim this is what is best for the child. I fully get that these long hours can be a necessary evil

AchillesPoirot · 13/04/2022 15:49

Both me and my ex prioritised ourselves when we split up. That’s what happens if necessity when you’re single and have kids ….

Whatinthelord · 13/04/2022 15:50

I think this is less an issue about the choices of individuals and more a societal issue.

High house prices, cost of living requiring people work as much as possible to survive. Few people being able to have a family friendly work schedule. Etc.

Individuals within this are trying to do what’s best for them and their families, despite society not necessarily being set up with children’s needs as a priority.

TheKeatingFive · 13/04/2022 15:50

it is not a benefit for the child when BOTH parents solely priorities their career and still claim this is what is best for the child.

Well it might well be if the nursery provision is high quality, the parents are engaged and highly involved outside of working hours and keeping up their careers leads to greater financial security and opportunities for the child's future.

TheKeatingFive · 13/04/2022 15:52

It's worth remembering that the most important metric in indicating outcomes for children is their household income.

FairyCatMother · 13/04/2022 15:53

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