To be shocked by how blasé alot of MNers are about abortion

[Nothanksloveimfine]

Yes its healthcare, yes free and safe abortion is completely necessary because the alternative doesn't bare thinking about, yes everybody has a right to choose what's best for them and yes I am pro choice (whilst being explicitly pro life with regards to my own pregnancies)

With all that said and done, I am quite alarmed at how a sizable % of MNers are so blase about abortions. Whenever a poster is talking about being pregnant with an unplanned baby and in a less than perfect situation, I see alot of posters urging her to just have a termination like its a routine stroll through the park.

I've just read a heartbreaking article which is being discussed at the minute and some of the replies on that thread are so cold. It made me cry and I'm wondering how the hell people can read that and not be impacted by it, completely steamrolling over the tragic loss of life by saying things like "that's a rare case" abortion is a good thing bla bla bla.

Does anybody else share my view or am I the odd one out?

It's like people are so determined to bang the "right to abort" drum, they have no regard for the babies whatsoever.

Abortion can be totally necessary but it's also pretty sad IMO.

You can care about the mother without being so cold and dismissive of the baby they were carrying.

Caring about the babies doesn't mean I hate women, I am one.

Yes I've name changed because I don't expect this will go down well here.

I had a termination early February. We suspected there was a chance I was pregnant after a drunken night and I said from the start I would terminate.

No regrets at all. And if someone had taken that choice from me I probably wouldn't be here right now.

I have NEVER EVER seen the advice ‘you should have an abortion’ on MumsNet.

The absolute closest thing to that is ‘an abortion is an option’ which is vastly different to the ‘active encouragement’ or ‘urging her to just have an abortion’ that you mention in your posts.

So, yes, OP. I think you are in the minority.

I've never read a post where someone just suggests to abort a baby randomly. There are so many posts that women are supporting another womens decision because it isn't easy and women need support to do what they need tj do.
I am completely behind pro choice because I believe most women make the decision on behalf on the babies future

As someone who gave birth to a child so premature (who survived) that by law I could still have aborted her, I agree with you, OP.

I doubt you would label anyone advocating for a woman to continue a pregnancy as “cold” or unfeeling so to me this is just indicative of what you really think of abortion and those who have had one. Something sad, a bit heartless and not as compassionate or loving as continuing with a pregnancy. It’s your bias and I don’t see why others should have to shoulder it.

Completely agree.

no one cares if you find it cold. get over it

Nobody can look at the scan of even a ten week old foetus and be in any doubt as to what they are looking at (hint: not a mole; not an indiscernible mass of cells).

So? What a fetus is or isn’t doesn’t need to have any bearing on whether abortion can be a right and positive choice for women. The emotional value you place on a fetus is personal to you, it’s not universal. No one is obliged to consider it to be any more than the medical procedure it is.

I agree with you OP, and find it quite shocking. I have not encountered the same attitudes in real life.

It's a welcome balance to all the abuse, guilt and manipulation thrown at women who want or need an abortion in real life. I think the more destigmatised it is, the better.

Women in a 'less than ideal' situation may not have anyone in real life they can talk to about abortion, or may not know how to access the resources, particularly if they are in a very religious culture.

People talking about abortion freely on this site, even if you think they sound 'cold', is far preferable to people picketing abortion clinics, or banning abortions outright as is happening around the world, including in countries which count themselves as modern, equal societies.

No one has an abortion because someone on the internet told them to.
What you call cold, I would call removing emotion and looking at things objectively.

I had a termination that was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. I’m still sad about it 25 years later, but I don’t regret it, it was the best decision for me at that time.

I can’t get my head around some of the casualness of abortion, especially if it’s a 2nd or 3rd. Very sad.

Plus women using it as both control.

Babies have a right to be kit just alive but born to a family or a mum that can look after then and be the best they can. Abortion isn't an easy choice at all, it would mean so many kids are born but have no family or support etc. pro life is the right to be born but they also deserve the right to good life

@Doodar

Plus women using it as both control.

If you’re going to troll you really need to be more original than that boring old trope that has no basis in reality.

Again.
Can you provide links to any of these threads where posters are "urged" to have abortions? Yeah I thought not.

Women and girls trying to make decisions about reproduction post here for information and to get perspectives from a wide range of women that they might not have thought of, and largely that's what they get. You're free to go on any of those threads and share your views. You're also free to be "shocked" but if the perspective that abortion is just a medical procedure to many women, you can always read elsewhere.

Talking about abortion freely doesn’t include being horrible to or about those that think differently to you.

@Penzinola

BTW if you have to say "I am pro choice, but...", then you aren't pro choice.

Oddly, being pro choice is a bit like being pregnant; you are or you aren't. No in between.

This isn’t true. Late term abortions are an entirely different concept to evicting a mass of cells, often at a time when there is still quite a high chance of miscarriage. I am pro choice up till the critical 24 week period - mainly because people need that availability after the 20 week scan. I personally find it incredibly confronting thinking about an abortion in that post 16 weeks stage but realise women need to have the choice. It’s ridiculous to say it’s black and white.

But why is it sad? Why should a woman be expected to feel sad about it? Why do we have perform grief in order to justify having basic rights to reproductive healthcare? It does seem that some only support abortion rights if a woman is demonstrably broken by it. That’s what is sad, imo.

Abortion is an incredibly common occurrence. For all the talk of ‘it shouldn’t be normalised’ - it IS normalised. Except of course the only voices that people deem acceptable to hear are those speaking of heavy hearts and trauma. That’s a poisonous narrative because it suggests women are only allowed to experience something in a prescribed way, with no respect for individual experience.

I agree with you OP. I'm pro-choice but it's a terrible choice to have to make. I went to the Bodyworlds exhibition and they had tiny fetuses there. At 7 weeks it's quite clearly a tiny human with arms & legs, not just a bunch of non-descript cells as someone else said. People cut themselves off from the reality of what they're doing because what other choice do they have? I know someone who used abortion as a form of contraception, I bent over backwards to support her with the early ones. By abortion no. 4 I couldn't cope with her disregard any more and had to withdraw.
I also know a 15yo who was raped and who aborted. A year later she couldn't cope with the guilt and she deliberately got pregnant to bring it back. It's a really painful & difficult subject.

@timeisnotaline it is black and white. When you put caveats on it, that takes away choice.

It’s like any keyboard warrior option.

Such as blasé use of LTB without true realisation of the consequences to the individual and family unit involved.

I wonder how many abortions have been had and relationships broken up because of advice on Mumsnet, and how many have regretted a decision they were advised to make?

People cut themselves off from the reality

You know, people can have access to exactly the same information as you and have a completely different response to it? What you perceive as the ‘reality’ of abortion, presumably emotional weight, is not what anyone else has to perceive. You’re not party to some great universal truth, you just have an opinion. Someone not sharing it does not mean that they’re uneducated, ignorant and/or deluding themselves.

When you put caveats on it, that takes away choice. but there are limits to choice, there are time limits for example. VERY few people are comfortable with free access to abortion up to birth.

@TheOriginalEmu thats a meaningless thing to say. everything in life has caveats. I can march in protest and write to my mp supporting women’s right to abortion (which fortunately I don’t have to do here) and still think it should not be allowed except for medical reasons at eg 30 weeks. If you have a supportive environment then women can access it earlier so the later term abortions you hear about because it took that long for desperate women to get to England or to save the money don’t happen.