To be shocked by how blasé alot of MNers are about abortion

[Nothanksloveimfine]

Yes its healthcare, yes free and safe abortion is completely necessary because the alternative doesn't bare thinking about, yes everybody has a right to choose what's best for them and yes I am pro choice (whilst being explicitly pro life with regards to my own pregnancies)

With all that said and done, I am quite alarmed at how a sizable % of MNers are so blase about abortions. Whenever a poster is talking about being pregnant with an unplanned baby and in a less than perfect situation, I see alot of posters urging her to just have a termination like its a routine stroll through the park.

I've just read a heartbreaking article which is being discussed at the minute and some of the replies on that thread are so cold. It made me cry and I'm wondering how the hell people can read that and not be impacted by it, completely steamrolling over the tragic loss of life by saying things like "that's a rare case" abortion is a good thing bla bla bla.

Does anybody else share my view or am I the odd one out?

It's like people are so determined to bang the "right to abort" drum, they have no regard for the babies whatsoever.

Abortion can be totally necessary but it's also pretty sad IMO.

You can care about the mother without being so cold and dismissive of the baby they were carrying.

Caring about the babies doesn't mean I hate women, I am one.

Yes I've name changed because I don't expect this will go down well here.

I don't see an aborted fetus as a baby.

Bringing a child into the world that you don't really want or can't provide for is awful.

I am pro choice in all other cases except my own.

The fact you don't appear to understand the concept of choice is wildly amusing to me.

The rest is goady bollocks. But still. We find the fun where we can, eh.

Agree, no pro choice but... you are either pro choice or not.

I am pro choice, I don't see it as being cold.

As soon as possible as late as necessary

I don't want abortions banned, how am I not pro choice

I'm sort of with you OP, I see abortion as something which should be available of course but should never be treated lightly or as another poster has said, akin to getting a mole removed. The wild celebrations by some here in Ireland when the last abortion referendum was passed left a very bad taste in my mouth. I agreed with the result but I didn't see it as some great triumph worth whooping and cheering about. It was necessary but it seemed that for some, celebrating the women's rights aspect of it overrode any other considerations. You can agree with, even fight for the right for women to have safe abortions without shame and still see abortion as something sad and less than ideal.

Can you link to all these threads where women are actively encouraged to abort their babies OP?

I'll wait.

@lickenchugget

You are not pro choice if you have drawn up your own caveats. They don’t apply to anyone else.

The caveat being that I wouldn't want to terminate a pregnancy of my own? That's my preference for my body and my life.

I have no issue with other people having terminations. The decision is theirs to make. None of my business.

I know what I am and what I'm not.

As I said, twice now, my issue is the coldness about it on mumsnet and how posters think its ok to make such a suggestion to people they don't know.

What’s wrong with being blase? If a woman finds abortion is be a straightforward medical procedure that’s only been a positive thing do her, why can’t she be blasé about that? Why does a woman have to always be maternal and sentimental in regards to pregnancy? Why is it that if a woman isn’t sufficiently reverent and shamed, then she’s cold and/or unnatural? A medical procedure can just be a medical procedure. To me abortion isn’t a big deal. I’ve had one. It wasn’t a heartbreaking decision I was wringing my hands about, and I’m not going to pretend it was in order to play lip service to anyone else’s sensibilities. Everyone else is free to have their own ideas about it, but where it becomes wrong is when they try and dictate what other people should feel or do.

Abortion has existed in all cultures throughout history. It always will exist. The choice is between legal or illegal abortion, not legal abortion and no abortion.

If an OP posts asking for advice yes,some people will say abort, or they’ll say ‘I would have in abortion in that situation’. I haven’t seen anyone being hounded and being told they have to have an abortion. I have seen plenty of posters that will try and convince a woman not to though. Some will say ‘if you’re not 100% sure don’t do it’ in reply to someone being understandably nervous in the face of making a choice, but the same advice is rarely given to someone if they’re not 100% sure about continuing a pregnancy. Trauma is always presented as an almost inevitable outcome of abortion. Except both decisions can lead to regret, and neither one can be taken back once action has been carried out.

I wasn't sad at all. I just felt relief.

It wasn't a decision I needed to think about. There was no guilt. I don't feel bad.

As soon as I found out I was pregnant, there was only ever going to be one outcome.

Why is being practical and sensible "cold?" Some pregnancies should not continue due to extremely challenging circumstances, especially when the welfare of existing children needs to be taken into account.

@AskingforaBaskin

To me it would be the same as having a mole removed. A mass of unwanted cells that could or would cause harm if not dealt with.

Agreed. I had one about 30 years ago and sometimes I forget I even had one.

"My issue isn't women having abortions, it's the way they're actively encouraged to by strangers on the Internet who'll forget about them by lunch time."

Do you really think people are responding with a cavalier reply without having ever seriously considered the topic? Have you read a good cross-section of Mumsnet to see if this is typical (it isn't in my experience)?Yes there will sometimes be the odd one out ,who is generally pulled up by other posters for shit stirring, but in the main I think Mumsnet members are giving the advice that they believe the OP should have.

I posted on here a few years ago about having a termination. I got loads of abuse, name calling etc - I ended up deleting my account. So no, I don't think a lot of MN are blasé about abortion at all and people can be very rude and unkind to people who could be in a fragile state.
You've repeatedly referred to a foetus as a baby in your post - it isn't a baby.

I agree with you totally op. I struggle with the topic but I did read the whole thread you are talking about. I say I’m pro choice because I understand that women need freedom and protection and agency over their own bodies. However I’m pro life in my own circumstances and I can never get past the coldness of some people when discussing it. It’s a very sad and difficult situation I’m sure and I do feel for women who need to go through it.

You have your opinion, others have theirs.

You are not pro choice in reality, as your comments show

To me it's not a foetus, it's a life. I agree some of the comments on MN really do sound callous, in throwaway fashion. As if having an abortion is an everyday, no big deal thing.

I just can't imagine they speak of it like that in real life, maybe they wouldnt/didn't even have an abortion themselves when they could have but on here it's easy to play 'hard' for internet audience, isn't it?

However that's my opinion and I don't expect it to be anybody else's. A woman's choice and reason for having an abortion are none of my business. It's a personal thing and I'd hope they don't feel they have to explain or justify their decision to anyone else.

You also keep banging on about the ‘coldness’ of the post and how people think it’s ok to make the suggestion of termination to people they don’t know

You could apply that logic to all posts, we all make suggestions on how to act over something to strangers, why is this subject any different?

I see it as any other healthcare.
I hold zero emotional attachment to it but I realise other people feel differently to me.
I try to be kind and thoughtful toward them.

I’d rather a woman have the choice for any reason to have an abortion. She owes me no explanation, I will offer her no judgement

I think that a termination for some people can become something regrettable I think it is disingenuous not to let vulnerable girls or women know that a termination can in some cases lead to feelings of bereavement and sorrow.

I don’t think people are blasé about abortions on here or suggest it’s a walk in the park

Certainly isn’t a walk in the park bringing a child into the world to look after 18+ years either in a less than ideal circumstance, is it?

I think many feel judged enough on a situation like this, and when they turn to MN they just need someone to tell them it’s ok to choose what is best for their situation.

So - “I’m pro choice but it needs to be just the right degree of warm towards the “baby”, and ok then I am pro choice, otherwise it’s so cold towards the “baby”

Wtf

In the early stages most people don't think of an embryo as a baby, just a bunch of cells. I’m not sure “most” do, but certainly a lot do. I equally know a lot of people who don’t draw that line. Most of them support a woman’s right to choose but see it as ending a life and in no way comparable to removing a mole. It’s perfectly possible to believe life starts at conception and that women should be able to choose.
It’s compassionate not to use words that make hard choices harder.

Totally agree with you OP, brace yourself for a lynching

@Chloemol

You have your opinion, others have theirs.

You are not pro choice in reality, as your comments show

I agree.

Judgy pants OP

I agree with you entirely, OP.

A foetus is a living being. A foetus requires nourishment. It grows. It excretes. It moves. It requires oxygen. It is sensitive to changes in its environment. It fulfils every criteria of life. And it isn't growing into a pumpkin or a potato, it is a human.

Nobody can look at the scan of even a ten week old foetus and be in any doubt as to what they are looking at (hint: not a mole; not an indiscernible mass of cells).

There are some circumstances where an abortion is necessary. But I agree that an abortion is treated as just any other form of birth control - like a condom or the coil - and is utterly trivialised.

But anyone who expressed such a view is automatically condemned as far right, 'anti-choice' and portrayed as wanting to strap rape victims down and force them to give birth. There's a hell of a lot of strawman-ing that goes in in this debate, which is really very tiresome.