To be shocked by how blasé alot of MNers are about abortion

[Nothanksloveimfine]

Yes its healthcare, yes free and safe abortion is completely necessary because the alternative doesn't bare thinking about, yes everybody has a right to choose what's best for them and yes I am pro choice (whilst being explicitly pro life with regards to my own pregnancies)

With all that said and done, I am quite alarmed at how a sizable % of MNers are so blase about abortions. Whenever a poster is talking about being pregnant with an unplanned baby and in a less than perfect situation, I see alot of posters urging her to just have a termination like its a routine stroll through the park.

I've just read a heartbreaking article which is being discussed at the minute and some of the replies on that thread are so cold. It made me cry and I'm wondering how the hell people can read that and not be impacted by it, completely steamrolling over the tragic loss of life by saying things like "that's a rare case" abortion is a good thing bla bla bla.

Does anybody else share my view or am I the odd one out?

It's like people are so determined to bang the "right to abort" drum, they have no regard for the babies whatsoever.

Abortion can be totally necessary but it's also pretty sad IMO.

You can care about the mother without being so cold and dismissive of the baby they were carrying.

Caring about the babies doesn't mean I hate women, I am one.

Yes I've name changed because I don't expect this will go down well here.

@echt

I am so grateful to live in a country where this safe procedure is available to me but I am sickened to hear that I'm expected not to feel any emotions whatsoever towards this 'lump of cells', especially if it was a late abortion

Has anyone said this is expected?

Well yes, according to this thread apparently it's expected if you are pro choice.

Can I not be pro choice but also have an emotional response?

Why does it bother you so much? It’s none of your business.

Women have abortions for many reasons and none of them affect you or your life. I don’t get other women who get all high and mighty about women choosing to end a pregnancy.

Then this whole smug “I’m pro choice but for my own pregnancies I wouldn’t dare” smugness you like to spout.

Just say you don’t actually think women have a good reason not to have an abortion and go. Just say you don’t actually believe in abortion and go.

@echt yea that's what everyone does on MN. It is a debate we are all entitled to hold our different views.

I think Op that on these types of threads people who are against abortions will not comment as they will be aware of the inevitable pile on should they voice their opinion.

No one is saying you can’t feel a motions about abortion… your abortion. But the sadness about another woman’s? I mean why? What she does with her pregnancy has not affect on you whatsoever.

That’s strange. I can’t imagine being concerned about another woman choosing an abortion and feeling emotions over it.

Do what you want and feel all the emotions you want for yourself. I don’t think we owe any feelings towards strangers ending pregnancies thou. It’s a weird concept.

I hope you all have all this energy for the children in thee UK alive and having food insecurity and unable to get healthy meals.

Isn’t your government deciding not to give school meals to chidlren that are actually alive and born? I can’t relate because all children here in Sweden get school news for free… but I just can’t imagine all this energy you all have to debate about kids not even born when you have children in your nation that can’t even eat.

And don’t get me started on the American pro lifers. You both have a lot of nerve complaining about children not being born, when you barely have energy to take care of kids actually born in your country. You sound ridiculous.

Focus on the kids that are born and alive walking around.

@noodlezoodle

It's a welcome balance to all the abuse, guilt and manipulation thrown at women who want or need an abortion in real life. I think the more destigmatised it is, the better.

Women in a 'less than ideal' situation may not have anyone in real life they can talk to about abortion, or may not know how to access the resources, particularly if they are in a very religious culture.

People talking about abortion freely on this site, even if you think they sound 'cold', is far preferable to people picketing abortion clinics, or banning abortions outright as is happening around the world, including in countries which count themselves as modern, equal societies.

I think you have made a really good point here. I just wanted to thank you for your post.

@Somanysocks I think if they are against this then they need to stay quiet and only use these views with their own body. anyone else's body doesn't require your opinion

Isn’t your government deciding not to give school meals to chidlren that are actually alive and born? I can’t relate because all children here in Sweden get school news for free… but I just can’t imagine all this energy you all have to debate about kids not even born when you have children in your nation that can’t even eat.

Actually all children up to year 3 (6/7 years old) get free meals. If a child is from a family of limited means they are entitled to free school meals right up to age 18.

In fact I’ve seen posters say that ops should have aborted their children who are born and living on threads because they are unmarried mums and that they would have done this rather than have a child out of wedlock! I find that pretty horrible tbh and again not about choice.

Mn can be pretty old fashioned at times and nothing some posters like better than berating women for not being married with children (this apparently brings “protection” and is apparently entirely within the woman’s control).

Abortion is a choice but one which many women find extremely difficult and should be treated sensitively.

@Villagewaspbyke I've never seen that, but agree it can be very pushed to not have a child before marriage. I had this, but never once thought I should have aborted the child I have to wait until Marriage. I don't think any mum has said that

Mn can be pretty old fashioned at times and nothing some posters like better than berating women for not being married with children (this apparently brings “protection” and is apparently entirely within the woman’s control).

Marriage does bring protection though. In the eyes of the law. Perhaps people are brisk when this topic is raised but they are right. As a single mother (never married) myself I wish my own mother had of told me bluntly and raised me with similar views to be better equipped because at the end of the day... the majority of the time it's the mother who picks up the slack. It is no joke on your emotional and mental well being. Sorry I know it's off topic!

[quote Dairymilk50]@echt yes you implied that.[/quote]
No, you inferred it.

@rolllan everyone is entitled to an opinion, it's a debate, where (hopefully polite) opinions are given, that is the point or it's just an echo chamber.

Marriage does bring protection though. In the eyes of the law.

Perhaps if the DH/DP is a high earner and you co-own your property but people on MN often fail to remember not everybody is in that kind of financial position.

Let's say for arguments sake that the bloke has no savings, rents and works stacking shelves in tesco. What 'protection' is to be gained from getting married? A man is required to pay child support regardless of whether a baby is conceived from a ONS or a 10 year marriage which ends.

That's another frustrating thing I come across quite often, relationships undermined and seen as lesser than because the couple aren't married.

Then again it's usually the above demographic of people who are encouraged to abort.

I've re read your posts. They are one sided and you did indirectly imply that OP is not pro choice.

The argument runs too ways those screaming it's non of your business.. why do you care (very immature) but never the less some could ask the same about OPS view also. We are all entitled to our views and agree/disagree.

Just like reading this thread was a choice.

Well yes, according to this thread apparently it's expected if you are pro choice. Can I not be pro choice but also have an emotional response?

I see what you mean, StrongCoffeeAvalanche. I interpreted what you wrote as something PPs had said as an expectation. Certainly the tone set by the OP, ascribing blasé, cold, dismissive and a walk in the park to some apparently pro-choice posters in the past, has been unhelpful in the extreme. I should say that I say "apparently", as the OP has come up with sod-all evidence of what they claim.

With all that said and done, I am quite alarmed at how a sizable % of MNers are so blase about abortions. Whenever a poster is talking about being pregnant with an unplanned baby and in a less than perfect situation, I see alot of posters urging her to just have a termination like its a routine stroll through the park.

Well, it’s not pleasant, but it’s almost certainly easier than pregnancy, birth and raising a child to the age of 18.

And when a woman is in that situation abortion is one of only two options available to her. So it would be a bit odd not to point out that it’s an available option.

I've just read a heartbreaking article which is being discussed at the minute and some of the replies on that thread are so cold. It made me cry and I'm wondering how the hell people can read that and not be impacted by it, completely steamrolling over the tragic loss of life by saying things like "that's a rare case" abortion is a good thing bla bla bla.

You mean the Daily Mail article about the woman who received negligent care in hospital and took abortion pills when she was 30 weeks not 12 weeks? You’re taking it out of context. The OP on that thread shared that article to start a debate on that thread is about telemedical abortion (which was stupid in itself because that case didn’t have anything to do with telemedical abortion). People are saying in response that abortion is a good thing and a rare case that had nothing to do with telemedical abortion (because it occurred in hospital) shouldn’t be used as a reason to deny other women the service.

It’s like people are so determined to bang the "right to abort" drum, they have no regard for the babies whatsoever.

Abortion can be totally necessary but it's also pretty sad IMO.

No, it isn’t necessarily sad at all. What is sad is any baby being born unwanted.

Finally, please don’t pretend to be pro-choice - at least have the courage to own your opinions. Pretending you are pro-choice then spouting this stuff is really insulting to those of us to who actually are.

@Somanysocks I agree that everyone has the right to choose the best option for themselves. And everyone should support that decision

@Nothanksloveimfine

Those saying posters aren't pushed towards aborting are being completely disingenuous, we all know it happens and we've all seen it. If you haven't then do a quick search, if you're so inclined, it doesn't take long to pull up the threads where this happens and as PP pointed out there's one running ATM.

There was one particularly disturbing one a few weeks ago that springs to mind where a parent was posting about their teenage DD being pregnant. Posters were telling her to actively encourage, and push her toward, getting an abortion.

What the fuck? That's a decision for the DD to make, with the support of her parents. No stranger has the right to harangue somebody into pushing another towards abortion.

Here we go:

No-one's rushing anyone. It's adults on a forum. There is a difference between an opinion and a gun to your head.

It really doesn't do to start a whole new thread where you tell others to find the evidence. There's a reason for the TAAT rule , and that's because if you disagree with a poster's view, you tackle them on the thread. Not this way.

Pushing, not rushing.

@Nothanksloveimfine just because someone earns less than Sally's husband next door doesn't mean we as women should sell ourselves short though. Also people progress in terms of salaries especially men. It's a matter of principle too don't you think? Perhaps if these men knew or us women demanded marriage perhaps we wouldn't get to the stage of having kids... let alone being left with the child/children.

My views are held from a cultural point and I will be honest (if your not familiar you may not understand) it matters a lot marriage and it shouldn't be disregarded as a bit of paper that's what I used to think... but if I had my time again I'm only 31 but I would of demanded marriage from DS dad. We may of ended yes... but I feel there's a good chance that if I stuck my MN old fashioned view DS would not of been to my ex.

My nan used to say (also unmarried) "if your good enough to have his baby your good enough to get married".

A lot of men want their child to have their surname... again why the hell should they? I fell for this trick. It's now me in the airport with DS having to explain to a police office who I am... its a deep issue and I strongly disagree for several reasons.

@rolllan - I have definitely seen this on other threads (telling women with children outside marriage that they should have aborted because they weren’t married). I found it pretty appalling. I’m a single mum (never married) and my dds are as valuable as any others and are much loved abs cared for. Anyway that’s slightly off topic- my point is that it’s a choice that many women do not take lightly and should never be said about someone else’s children who are born and living.

@Nothanksloveimfine - agreed, marriage isn’t “protection” for many women particularly for the demographic you are thinking about above. Also for me - like a significant minority of women I was the higher earner so am better off not being married to my ex. Marry a rich man isn’t something I would ever tell my dds but it’s still alive and well on mn.

I think I get it OP. Maybe you're like me. My heart and head are in different directions here. My head says that abortions should be available and that I should never make the choice for another woman or influence her but my heart feels sorry for the foetus.

I do consider myself pro choice because I will support any woman wanting/needing an abortion. However, my personal feelings are not "fine" with it. I'll never say that in real life though.

@Villagewaspbyke that's not off topic. I can't believe anyone would ever say this that's disgusting. You don't tell someone to abort a baby for any reason that's unforgivable.