AIBU to prefer friend not to bring baby every time?

[User727568]

Hello,

My friend had her first baby and he is now a year old. I live 5 hours away so see her once every 2-3 months along with some other girls in our group, one of whom also has to travel for meet ups from London.

The friends baby is very cute and it's nice to see him but is it unreasonable for her to bring him every time? It affects our meet ups I.e we go to child friendly places and children's parks rather than bars or cinema. When it was forecast rain she suggested we spend our Saturday at the soft play which I really did not want to travel up to do. Her husband is great and very supportive and hands on and so is her family so I believe she brings him because she thinks we want him there every time rather than no option. I would rather just visit her and her husband with my husband at their house to see the baby though rather than she bring him to girls dates. I don't have kids so hard hat at the ready that I may be very unreasonable and need to expect this for the next 10 years?

Soft play is hell on earth, you poor thing. Most parents only tolerate it because it gives them enough time to drink coffee without their kids bothering them for 5 mins. What about a spa day? You could suggest it next time. It's a daytime adult activity and might just break the pattern of it always revolving around her baby. That way you can test the water as to whether she is happy to leave the baby behind and can then suggest a mixture of things in future.

I'm going to be completely honest. I don't have kids, not particularly keen on them. I have several friends with kids.

One of my friends has a child that I really like, they're a fab little kid. I'm happy to hang out with this child about.

The kids of the other friends not so much. I don't particularly like their kids. I love my friend, but her kids are wild gobby little shits, you can't get a word in when they're around. There's no point in spending time with her when her kids are there.

YANBU - if you're travelling 5 hours to see her, ask if you can meet for an adult lunch and leave baby with DP or family member. It's also only going to get worse as once kids start walking, they are not good company in cafes/restaurants.

If she's back at work, her time with her baby is probably precious to her and she probably wants to bring the baby.

However suggesting soft play with a load of child free people is absurd. Theres a balance between finding places where its suitable to take a baby vs putting the baby's wants ahead of everything.

Can you suggest some evening meet ups when he can be left at home sleeping (with his father)

I completely understand - wanting you to go sit in soft play for your Saturday afternoon? Absolutely not.

I'd have to say, "look friend, as much as I love you and small child, I'm not travelling for 5 hrs to sit in a soft play. Can we have an adults day?"