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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think sleeping on a bare mattress is just, well, wrong?

161 replies

BedlinenDrama · 12/04/2022 02:54

My "D"P and I have been together for five years ish, and moved into my old flat together last autumn ahead of a move overseas next year. We have very different waking/sleeping times due to our work schedules, so we have separate bedrooms for weeknights (then at weekends we'll often sleep in "my" bedroom ifyswim). As a result, the move-in meant that I relinquished my private office in the flat and turned it into his bedroom - I arranged for (and paid for - he's on a low income) delivery of a full new suite of bedroom furniture, new mattress etc. to turn my former office into his bedroom.

I realised a couple of weeks ago that DP has been sleeping on this now-6-months-old mattress without any sheets on - I'd never really twigged before, but when I started to look closely at it, it was absolutely disgusting. Filthily grubby, covered in bobbles where his pajamas had obviously rubbed against it. We had words (apart from it being truly vile, in my eyes, I've now got no chance of recouping any of the costs I paid for it by selling it on second hand) and he promised to use a sheet going forward. We have a laundry cupboard full of bedlinen, but I bought another new sheet so he could feel it was "his" to use in the future.

I've just stepped into his room because he was having a coughing fit and... no sheet. I'm furious.

So, Mumsnet...
AIBU to dictate DP's bedlinen use when it's not really hurting anyone?

Yes - let the poor man sleep however he wants!
No - protect the mattress at all costs!

OP posts:
Sleepyblueocean · 12/04/2022 06:38

We have a child in need in social worker ( disabled child) and one of the things they do is check that there is bed linen on the bed. Of course as an adult he can choose how he sleeps but it is definitely grim.

needmorethanthis · 12/04/2022 06:40

You could get a steam cleaner to clean it?
It’s pretty gross all round.

Theala · 12/04/2022 06:42

@TheOriginalChatelaine

Really bad housekeeping op. Who buys a new bed without considering the bed linen & the making up of it? Even though you have a linen cupboard why did you assume he would know what to do, is this some sort of feminist statement?!
Because most adults know this very simple basic thing unless they've been raised by wolves? Have you been raised by wolves, @TheOriginalChatelaine? Is that why you don't know how basic this is?
ilovemyelectriccar · 12/04/2022 06:44

Any chance that the mattress has a zip off cover? I inherited one which had been used with a sheet but without a protector. It had sweat stains and I thought it would need to be thrown away. It had a zip off cover which we scrubbed with bleach and then put through the wash. It came up clean....

RantyAunty · 12/04/2022 06:53

Him getting the mattress so filthy I'd be questioning his personal hygiene too.
Does he bathe regularly?

A PP mentioned contempt and disrespt for your belongings. This seems to be common in broke men.
They tend to be passive aggressive and resentful.

milkyaqua · 12/04/2022 06:56

It's like sleeping on the same sheet every night forever.

Yes. Totally gross. And incomprehensible in an adult.

I am also struggling to understand how you can not notice this occurring over such a long period of time... But anyway, it's beyond foul.

RampantIvy · 12/04/2022 06:57

A zippered mattress cover sounds like a good idea, but it sounds like that horse has bolted.

something about the sheet being uncomfortable to lie on when it gets a bit rucked up?)

Fitted sheets don't get rucked up.

I find his attitude towards bed linen weird. Surely he was brought up on a house with bed linen, and he must have stayed in hotels that have bed linen on the bed?

Do you really want to move abroad with him? What other unsavoury habits does he have?

Heythere13 · 12/04/2022 06:59

I would actually read a LOT in to this OP

It speaks volumes about him

Not someone you want to be with. No doubt whatsoever

Heythere13 · 12/04/2022 07:00

Although to be fair, you don’t sound the most observant of people
So perhaps you are compare all after all!

Heythere13 · 12/04/2022 07:01

Compatible

Obelisk · 12/04/2022 07:01

Really grim, sorry. As well as the practical aspect, there’s something about sleeping on a bare mattress that feels like a shorthand for a life out of control.

Doingmybest12 · 12/04/2022 07:09

Did he grow up without sheets on his mattress at home with parents? He might prefer the feeling. Did he have a neglectful childhood or has he other sensory issues?

oakleaffy · 12/04/2022 07:09

@PolkadotsAndMoonbeams

That's really really weird. I have mattress protectors on all my beds, and I still wouldn't sleep on one without a bottom sheet! It might be worth getting him to put a mattress protector on if you have one spare.

Does he use pillow cases and a duvet cover?

Mattress protectors are essential! I spilled a coffee that would have ruined my new mattress otherwise. Ikea do some good ones. Sheets never “ ruck up” if properly tucked in. A mattress without bedding seems so bleak and depressing. Like 1970’s pictures of poverty .
GettinPiggyWithIt · 12/04/2022 07:10

Why are you rescuing this creature? I’d kick him out probably. I bet you it’s not the only scummy behaviour he exhibits - just the only one you’ve noticed

Doingmybest12 · 12/04/2022 07:12

But yes grim and not acceptable and indicates a general attitude to life that I wouldn't find attractive and it must begin to smell.

oakleaffy · 12/04/2022 07:12

@Obelisk

Really grim, sorry. As well as the practical aspect, there’s something about sleeping on a bare mattress that feels like a shorthand for a life out of control.
Agree- Like documentary pics of gritty poverty- So depressing.
Heythere13 · 12/04/2022 07:15

* indicates a general attitude*

But likewise… does indicate a certain “relaxed” attitude to this kind of grimness on the part of the OP given she hasn’t noticed for 6 months

shrunkenhead · 12/04/2022 07:21

Like pps have said it reminds me of those hoarding programmes, people on drugs living in squats and households with child neglect. It sounds far from ideal if he cba putting a sheet on his bed and it makes you wonder what else he's lax about.

Yerroblemom1923 · 12/04/2022 07:22

@oakleffy EXACTLY!

chocolatemademefat · 12/04/2022 07:24

Would he go on holiday and sleep on a bare mattress because the sheet rucked up? His bed must smell awful - otherwise why do we change sheets and air the bed?

I would never buy a used mattress full of someone else’s skin and sweat so I don’t think recouping your money is the issue here. I’d be more concerned about his filthy habit. 🤢

KevinTheKoala · 12/04/2022 07:32

It is gross however even with only a bedsheet and no protector it is possible for the mattress to get bobbled that quickly. Men generally do sweat more than women and sweat does go through the sheet. I would suggest that he buys a mattress protector (they are not expensive) and has the mattress properly steam cleaned as well. Mattress protectors really are essential. However I don't think you'd get much for a 2nd hand mattress anyway so as long as he respects the rest of your home (and the furniture you bought him) and takes measures to prevent further damage I would try not to worry too much about the mattress now.

Terfydactyl · 12/04/2022 07:32

@TheOriginalChatelaine

Really bad housekeeping op. Who buys a new bed without considering the bed linen & the making up of it? Even though you have a linen cupboard why did you assume he would know what to do, is this some sort of feminist statement?!
Your doing all men a disservice there. It's not rocket science to make a bed. Every man I've ever slept with managed. It's hardly feminist to make a bed.
ohthejoys · 12/04/2022 07:33

On a more practical note I’d steam clean the mattress before putting any covers on it, otherwise you’re trapping 6 months of Germs under a Sheet to “grow in the dark”! Yuck!!

Gwlondon · 12/04/2022 07:37

Sorry he has done that to a new mattress. I think you are going to have to put a mattress protector and bed linen on. Also you will have to wash it, because he won’t.

Maybe he hasn’t used fitted sheets before? Maybe his mum used flat sheets and he couldn’t make a bed with them that stayed put. Tight corners.

carefullycourageous · 12/04/2022 07:38

I would be a bit worried about this as it seems like you have a dynamic where you nag and he ignores? So it is less the mattress specifically (although I think it very unusual) and more you are talking about it as a bit of a draining relationship where you are having to 'educate' him.

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