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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think sleeping on a bare mattress is just, well, wrong?

161 replies

BedlinenDrama · 12/04/2022 02:54

My "D"P and I have been together for five years ish, and moved into my old flat together last autumn ahead of a move overseas next year. We have very different waking/sleeping times due to our work schedules, so we have separate bedrooms for weeknights (then at weekends we'll often sleep in "my" bedroom ifyswim). As a result, the move-in meant that I relinquished my private office in the flat and turned it into his bedroom - I arranged for (and paid for - he's on a low income) delivery of a full new suite of bedroom furniture, new mattress etc. to turn my former office into his bedroom.

I realised a couple of weeks ago that DP has been sleeping on this now-6-months-old mattress without any sheets on - I'd never really twigged before, but when I started to look closely at it, it was absolutely disgusting. Filthily grubby, covered in bobbles where his pajamas had obviously rubbed against it. We had words (apart from it being truly vile, in my eyes, I've now got no chance of recouping any of the costs I paid for it by selling it on second hand) and he promised to use a sheet going forward. We have a laundry cupboard full of bedlinen, but I bought another new sheet so he could feel it was "his" to use in the future.

I've just stepped into his room because he was having a coughing fit and... no sheet. I'm furious.

So, Mumsnet...
AIBU to dictate DP's bedlinen use when it's not really hurting anyone?

Yes - let the poor man sleep however he wants!
No - protect the mattress at all costs!

OP posts:
Palavah · 12/04/2022 05:27

Why isn't he buying the mattress protector? Why isn't he cleaning the mattress? (sprinkle eith bicarb, leave for a while thrn hoover)?
Why didn't he contribute to the bedroom suite?

LaurenKelsey · 12/04/2022 05:33

You could buy a zippered mattress cover like the kind they make to protect from bed bugs. That would cover up the filthy mess he’s made of the mattress and maybe make you a bit less unhappy with the damage done.

Yellownightmare · 12/04/2022 05:38

I'm sorry but this would put me right off someone. I could live with him being a bit lax with changing the sheets if he was sleeping in them. But letting you buy furniture that he then ruins and doesn't even care that you care. No.

Wallywobbles · 12/04/2022 05:39

It's an expensive habit. It has ruined the mattress within 6 months. Honestly this would be the end for me. We had a rank man to stay and he ruined a brand new mattress in almost no time like this.

Merrymouse · 12/04/2022 05:41

See, this is his argument, too - if it's just as unhygienic to not use a sheet, and he finds it much more pleasant to do so (for reasons I haven't fully worked out - something about the sheet being uncomfortable to lie on when it gets a bit rucked up?), why shouldn't he? It's definitely food for thought!

It’s like sleeping on a sheet you never wash.

I’m also a bit surprised that you never realised what he was doing. You must lead very separate lives, even taking into account different sleeping patterns.

StoppinBy · 12/04/2022 05:47

I am far from super tidy and houseproud but this is a step too far for me.

Waterproof mattress protector and a fitted sheet are the absolute basics here.

WTF475878237NC · 12/04/2022 06:00

This isn't like sleeping on a sheet. It's like sleeping on the same sheet every night forever. Yes to a mattress protector AND a sheet. But no to him. He sounds like your teenage son not a man I'd marry.

LimeSegment · 12/04/2022 06:02

I would do this myself, I actually have two mattress protectors and a sheet on mine.

However if it's his mattress and he isn't bothered, what does it matter I suppose. You look at his mattress less than once every six months so it's only bothering you twice a year. If he complains it's dirty and asks you to buy a new one, then he would be being unreasonable.

Recouping some of the cost selling it was never going to happen anyway, there really is no market for second hand mattresses even in very good condition. Plus he'll be needing it, so was the potential sale in case you break up? You've moved in together so the relationship presumably is serious, so is that worth worrying about? It's a mattress, not a house.

jay55 · 12/04/2022 06:06

I think using metal utensils in a non stick pan is the exact same issue. Sheer contempt for your belongings.

Geranium1984 · 12/04/2022 06:07

Matress protector and sheet all the way!!

sirensscreech · 12/04/2022 06:08

He needs to replace the mattress.

TheOriginalChatelaine · 12/04/2022 06:13

Really bad housekeeping op. Who buys a new bed without considering the bed linen & the making up of it? Even though you have a linen cupboard why did you assume he would know what to do, is this some sort of feminist statement?!

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/04/2022 06:15

This is horrible. Is he a slob in other ways?

Cervinia · 12/04/2022 06:18

I would have absolutely had a mattress protector and pillow protectors on that bed as I do all my Own.

And I have one of those horrendous germs things called a toilet brush!

Fernyfloor · 12/04/2022 06:21

@jay55

I think using metal utensils in a non stick pan is the exact same issue. Sheer contempt for your belongings.
Totally agree with this point. Is he careless with his own stuff? Or just yours?
Mummyoflittledragon · 12/04/2022 06:23

Even though you have a linen cupboard why did you assume he would know what to do

What does this mean? Most adults don’t need to be instructed on how to make a bed. If he didn’t know where the stuff was, he’d just ask, surely?

NoWordForFluffy · 12/04/2022 06:24

@TheOriginalChatelaine

Really bad housekeeping op. Who buys a new bed without considering the bed linen & the making up of it? Even though you have a linen cupboard why did you assume he would know what to do, is this some sort of feminist statement?!
It's clear you are sexist rather than feminist, putting the blame on poor housekeeping by the OP. Why should it be her job?!
MissChanandlerBong80 · 12/04/2022 06:26

Gross. I have mattress protectors and fitted sheets on all of mine and I’m an absolute minger by MN standards (never bleached a skirting board in my life). But what bothers me more than the hygiene aspect is that fact he’s ruined something new and expensive that you bought.

MissChanandlerBong80 · 12/04/2022 06:27

@TheOriginalChatelaine

Really bad housekeeping op. Who buys a new bed without considering the bed linen & the making up of it? Even though you have a linen cupboard why did you assume he would know what to do, is this some sort of feminist statement?!
Probably for the same reason she assumes he knows how to wipe his bum. He’s an adult.
freebritknee · 12/04/2022 06:31

LTB

Oblomov22 · 12/04/2022 06:31

Never done it. I is grim.

Oblomov22 · 12/04/2022 06:32

It is grim.
(I am grim, but not that grim)

OatSprout · 12/04/2022 06:34

Definite problems here. Lazy or maybe depressed.

Either are red flags. There’s much more going on with him than first appears and you need to find out before any greater commitment or time passes.

Darbs76 · 12/04/2022 06:34

Well it’s a bit late now if the mattress is filthy. I don’t know how anyone could sleep without a bottom sheet, gross

InkySquid · 12/04/2022 06:35

I'm surprised so many people think this is ok or 'his choice'
It's really scummy, even in terms of personal standards! The only times I've seen people sleeping on bare mattresses have been in absolute squalor or abuse.

Agree, I'm fairly lax about a lot of things but no sheets is another level entirely.