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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I hate dummies !!!

327 replies

EsmeDavina · 11/04/2022 17:07

I have a real hatred for toddlers with dummies! It actually irks me so much.

I totally get there is a time and place for dummies to soothe and settle babies.

My own son had a dummy as a newborn but I took it off him/he gave it up at around 6 months.

I could not bear for him to be one of these children you see with a dummy you cannot part them from.

My friends children his age still have dummies and every photograph you see of them they have this unsightly thing plugged in their mouths.

Even when we are out, they are given the dummy for no reason. Not upset, not settling to sleep just automatically put in the mouth.

I never used to have such a thing about dummies until I became a mum and I don't know why they annoy me so much 😂 !!

I know it's stupid because they aren't my children however does it bother anyone else as much ?

OP posts:
Invisablewoman · 11/04/2022 17:58

@Giraffesandbottoms

Do you often go around staring at new mothers breasts? Because that's seriously weird

Sadly the baby is no where near a breast, which is why it gets the dummy instead! 😬

"Sadly" oh do pull those judgy pants up a bit higher. Hmm
Toottooot · 11/04/2022 17:59

My child was bottle fed but never had a dummy - how do you judge me? I’d love to know 🙄

BiscuitLover3678 · 11/04/2022 18:00

Really op? Of all things?

As someone who had a child, surely you can understand that all kids are different? For some parents that’s their easy win and way of comforting their child. Maybe there’s something else you ‘fail’ at and they don’t.

Just let it go. Life is short. Dummies really aren’t a big deal.

suzyscat · 11/04/2022 18:02

I don't like them so didn't give my children one.

When my friends have asked me what I think about them I have told them why I don't like them, but I don't bring it up unless asked.

I know parents who have really struggled with colicky babies and no support network for whom dummies provided comfort for both parent and child. You do what you do to get through.

I do think parents should be made more aware of issues surrounding speech and language & oral development and dummy use, but let's face it millions of kids use dummies and mama be just fine.

A dad with a kid with a dummy walked passed me the other day and made a comment about how his son was too old for a dummy. He was clearly feeling self conscious, so I replied something along the lines of 'we all need a bit of comfort sometimes. It's okay.'

Worry about how these things looks in your photos is a bit much though. Sorry YABU

BiscuitLover3678 · 11/04/2022 18:02

I personally prefer a dummy to thumb sucking me. I have a friend who does the opposite.

Guess what - I don’t judge her at all Grin

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/04/2022 18:02

The Venn diagram of humourless, mean arseholes and people who use the crying laughing 😂 emoji is a circle.

Steelesauce · 11/04/2022 18:03

Tbh as a Mum of 3, they are glorious pieces of equipment that means they shut up for a few minutes. Couldn't give a monkies about anyones opinion about it, I'm trying to survive the day, not be Mary Poppins.

brookstar · 11/04/2022 18:04

@EsmeDavina

And as most of the people posting saying I'm being judgemental are missing is as I said 'there is a time and a place'

It's not being judgemental it's an opinion/dislike.

This still makes you sound judgemental! Who are you to decide 'the time and place' that is appropriate for a dummy?
Chely · 11/04/2022 18:04

I don't like dummies but thumb sucking is worse, can't take that away.

Our 1st had dummies and they were a nightmare to get rid of. 3rd had nothing, not even any attachment to toys/blankets. 2nd & 4/5th thumb suckers. 6th gipped when given dummy, thought she'd be like 3rd but then found her thumb at 5mth Sad.

wanttomarryamillionaire · 11/04/2022 18:08

The only thing i used to hate about dummies was losing the bloody thing just before bedtime, then having a savagely overtired toddler throw a tantrum while i hunted high and low for one of them!

89redballoons · 11/04/2022 18:10

My 2 year old DS has never had one but it doesn't bother me in the slightest when another child does. Hmm He does have a threadbare and tatty security blanket that he takes everywhere which I guess is a similar thing.

Dummies might not be the best thing for toddlers' mouths, but other people's toddlers' mouths are not my problem. They won't be going to university with their dummies in their mouths.

Piper22 · 11/04/2022 18:26

Totally agree. I think they’re awful and indicative of lazy parenting. No one can change my mind about this

Hospedia · 11/04/2022 18:34

Bet you're fun to be friends with.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/04/2022 18:34

@Piper22

Totally agree. I think they’re awful and indicative of lazy parenting. No one can change my mind about this
I have a rant about 'lazy parenting'.

It's an insult which, when you actually think about it, is really stupid. So I try to do things to make my life easier? So I don't want to martyr myself completely? So I try to reduce stress?

Laziness is why we have washing machines, wheels, factories and computers. Lazy people are innovators and inventors. Lazy people make the world better. Martyrs are tiresome and make their lives harder while trying to make me feel guilty. Like it's more moral to do things the hard way.

By all means use a mangle and beat your rugs with carpets beaters. I'll use my dryer and run the vacuum around.

ldontWanna · 11/04/2022 18:36

@EsmeDavina

And as most of the people posting saying I'm being judgemental are missing is as I said 'there is a time and a place'

It's not being judgemental it's an opinion/dislike.

So where does that dislike/opinion come from?
ldontWanna · 11/04/2022 18:38

@Chely

I don't like dummies but thumb sucking is worse, can't take that away.

Our 1st had dummies and they were a nightmare to get rid of. 3rd had nothing, not even any attachment to toys/blankets. 2nd & 4/5th thumb suckers. 6th gipped when given dummy, thought she'd be like 3rd but then found her thumb at 5mth Sad.

Yup. I've never seen a ks2 child still using a dummy, plenty of thumb suckers though.
Mumofsend · 11/04/2022 18:39

My 5.5 year old still has one.

Judgemental parents who think they know everything and others are failing for not doing the same bother me far more.

Mumofsend · 11/04/2022 18:39

Should add my oldest spat hers out at 13m and never looked back.

JaneJeffer · 11/04/2022 18:47

Martyrs are tiresome and make their lives harder while trying to make me feel guilty.
I love this. So true Grin

Piper22 · 11/04/2022 18:49

@MrsTerryPratchett gosh, those things are in no way comparable and that was a really silly response. It’s easier to leave a toddler sitting in front of a television all day than it is to parent them, it doesn’t justify doing it

Hospedia · 11/04/2022 18:50

It’s easier to leave a toddler sitting in front of a television all day than it is to parent them, it doesn’t justify doing it

How is that in any way similar to giving a dummy!?

Hospedia · 11/04/2022 18:51

But anyway, here's your big gold star for not using a dummy Star

May we all some day measure up to the sterling example you have set for us.

elidelochanthefirst · 11/04/2022 18:57

Thing is.... how do you know what time and place it is?

My son's autism doesn't flash up above his head with a big arrow, he looks like a "typical" kid but there's a lot going on for him when we are in public. I've seen the looks of disapproval when he is sobbing in the street and I'm trying to calm him and reach for the dummy to help soothe him. And it's awful. Makes me feel really shitty. So even if you do think they are vile, please try not to let it show as it's honestly not easy being the mum to my son sometimes.

Giraffesandbottoms · 11/04/2022 19:00

Tbh as a Mum of 3, they are glorious pieces of equipment that means they shut up for a few minutes

This sums it up really! What a wonderful mother, wanting to “shut up” your children. Nobody made you have 3.

Confrontayshunme · 11/04/2022 19:01

I work with 5 and 6 year olds and I agree with you. I wish more people understood how much they harm speech and language development if they are used frequently in the toddler years.

Watching my NDNs toddler try to talk to her then she just shoves a dummy in his mouth is so sad to me. Plus, their tantrums are then worse because they can't communicate their wants and needs as effectively.