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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I hate dummies !!!

327 replies

EsmeDavina · 11/04/2022 17:07

I have a real hatred for toddlers with dummies! It actually irks me so much.

I totally get there is a time and place for dummies to soothe and settle babies.

My own son had a dummy as a newborn but I took it off him/he gave it up at around 6 months.

I could not bear for him to be one of these children you see with a dummy you cannot part them from.

My friends children his age still have dummies and every photograph you see of them they have this unsightly thing plugged in their mouths.

Even when we are out, they are given the dummy for no reason. Not upset, not settling to sleep just automatically put in the mouth.

I never used to have such a thing about dummies until I became a mum and I don't know why they annoy me so much 😂 !!

I know it's stupid because they aren't my children however does it bother anyone else as much ?

OP posts:
Giraffesandbottoms · 12/04/2022 08:35

@Cornettoninja

But that’s why I personally wouldn’t have started a thread on it. Someone else has though and I think it’s perfectly reasonable to comment on a discussion forum. People just get salty because they feel their parenting is under attack.

Kendodd · 12/04/2022 08:37

So what do you do if you see a child with a dummy op?
Just just get really angry and silently fume?
Does it ruin your whole day or just the next couple of hour?
Imagine if you went on holiday somewhere and were surrounded by children with dummies!

Well, I could see how that would just ruin it for you. Poor you, life must be hell.

Giraffesandbottoms · 12/04/2022 08:37

OP doesn’t require any support to not use a dummy does she?

I think if you’re in the minority re parenting decisions it can make you want to seek out other people who do the same. Eg breastfeeding stats in this country are so low that I feel extremely happy seeing someone breastfeeding out and about because it makes me feel I’m not alone.

Although in this case I think OP is probably troublemaking a little.

Hm2020 · 12/04/2022 08:42

Do you know what irks me people with nothing better to do then judge toddlers and there parents get a life.

Maskedpotato · 12/04/2022 08:42

If dummies require I hate and three exclamation marks, the OP must actually self combust about anything important.

SamLDN · 12/04/2022 08:54

My first baby had his dummy until 18 months and he gave it up no problem! (The fairies took it for the babies) and then my second baby wouldn’t take a dummy until 6 months… it’s changed my life! He now sleeps through the night instead of feeding for comfort!
Some people may think I’m mad for giving it to him when others are giving them up but it was a game changer for me and we’re all happier for it. He only has it for sleeping and I’ll try and take it away around 18 months like his brother.

Every child is different, ever child has different needs and every family set up is different so I don’t think it’s fair to judge.

I would understand if we were talking about a 4 year old (without disability) sucking a dummy and riding around in a buggy… but I don’t see a problem with a 1,2 year old having a dummy…. Especially if it’s for sleep.

The only thing I would say… I don’t think it’s right when babies have them in their mouth all the time because I feel like it slows down their speech. I’ve seen that a few times. It should just be for sleep and comfort, not 24-7!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 12/04/2022 08:54

@AchillesPoirot

My dentist told me thumb ducking causes more issues than a dummy.
My other dd didn’t stop sucking her thumb until after she learned to drive! And she was the one with ( slight) teeth issues, not the one who had the dummy.
AchillesPoirot · 12/04/2022 08:57

When my 4 year old was sucking her dummy we didn’t know she had a disability. That’s the bloody point. I was judged and she was judged. Because as far as people were aware there was no “need” for her to have a dummy.

Cornettoninja · 12/04/2022 08:57

@Giraffesandbottoms I take your points but I also agree that the OP is trouble making.

It irks me when I see a load of posters feeling like they have to defend their choices by offering up personal, and often fairly emotional, defences for their choices. The OP isn’t interested in having her view changed, at best they’ll get a ‘oh I didn’t mean people like you’.

MN can be a great resource, but it also gets inside peoples heads and changes their behaviour irl. Sometimes that’s a good thing, for something like dummies it’s a pointless exercise in making people feel like shit for absolutely no reason and potentially making their lives harder if they start feeling like people are judging them and they try to force their toddler/baby to give it up.

Like I said, I have never come across a mum feeling intense pressure or judgement to use a dummy. It’s just not a thing so there’s no need to declare that they’re common or you ‘hate’ them. Literally no one asked!

(Full disclosure - dd wouldn’t take one despite my efforts so she would have passed OP’s criteria for acceptability!)

CheekySwifter · 12/04/2022 08:59

Wow everyone I Mumsnet is just so perfect and never even noticed things about other people... let alone judges them...

OP I completely agree. Especially when the child is old enough to speak but can't talk properly cause of the dummy in their mouth. I get irritated for them as often it can be due to lazy parenting. Obviously we all know from this thread that there are 101 reasons that parents will give you for needing the dummy. But I agree that past a certain age it is parents actually hindering their children and causing greater problems down the line when they finally decide to take the dummy away.

You are entitled to your opinion. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

AchillesPoirot · 12/04/2022 09:00

@CheekySwifter

Wow everyone I Mumsnet is just so perfect and never even noticed things about other people... let alone judges them...

OP I completely agree. Especially when the child is old enough to speak but can't talk properly cause of the dummy in their mouth. I get irritated for them as often it can be due to lazy parenting. Obviously we all know from this thread that there are 101 reasons that parents will give you for needing the dummy. But I agree that past a certain age it is parents actually hindering their children and causing greater problems down the line when they finally decide to take the dummy away.

You are entitled to your opinion. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

Absolutely no mention of children with disabilities. No reasonable adjustment for want of a better phrase.

Well done you.

CheekySwifter · 12/04/2022 09:02

@AchillesPoirot

Dd has SN.

But you carry on feeling superior

I think we are all very clear about that @AchillesPoirot as you've posted to that fact about 15 times so far on this thread. You are being purposefully awkward here. OP wasn't referring to children with SN in her OP so all of your posts have been irrelevant.
AchillesPoirot · 12/04/2022 09:03

No they haven’t. And the op didn’t exclude SN in her post.

The point is that at the time that dd was being judged she wasn’t disabled. She hadn’t been diagnosed yet.

DixonD · 12/04/2022 09:05

@JustWonderingIfYou

I fully agree with you. They look awful! Same with bottles after babyhood.
Do you also disapprove of breastfeeding after 12 months?
CheekySwifter · 12/04/2022 09:06

BECAUSE THE SAME RULES DONT APPLY FOR CHILDREN WITH SN. They could well have a valid reason why a dummy is necessary for them and their very specific circumstances and needs. Have you had enough attention now @AchillesPoirot? Yes your child has SN. You do you. But don't jump down the throats of anyone now being explicit about SN children being the exception. I thought the at was common sense.

AchillesPoirot · 12/04/2022 09:08

The point is that at the time that dd had the dummy she didn’t have SN. Well, she did. But she wasn’t diagnosed.

There’s plenty more like her. Especially girls.

CheekySwifter · 12/04/2022 09:09

But not being diagnosed and not having any SN are 2 very different things. As I'm sure you are fully aware.

AchillesPoirot · 12/04/2022 09:10

I am.

But when I was being judged for giving her dummy aged 4-5 I couldn’t say she had SN. I had no “excuse”.

Have you any idea what that’s like to go through?

HeArInGhandsgirl11 · 12/04/2022 09:19

@ParkheadParadise

I loved dummies. Especially when my dd's learned to put them back in their mouths by themselves.
This 😂 mine had dummies otherwise I would be used as a dummy for hours on end! DD had hers until 4 both DS refused them at around 9months
HELLITHURT · 12/04/2022 09:24

@EsmeDavina

And as most of the people posting saying I'm being judgemental are missing is as I said 'there is a time and a place'

It's not being judgemental it's an opinion/dislike.

And time and place differs from family to family, do you insist that every expect of your parenting is followed by others?
HeArInGhandsgirl11 · 12/04/2022 09:25

@Giraffesandbottoms

Bleurgh you aren’t alone they are pretty awful, but as PPs said there are some children with SEN who need them. Or premature babies. But these are in the minority. But then you had one until 6 months for your babies and I think that’s not very nice either so 😃🤷🏻‍♀️ I particularly hate watching a newborn rooting for its mother’s breast and having a piece of plastic shoved in despite trying to push it out.

But this is MN where no one breastfeeds and everyone uses a dummy so it’s a terrible opinion to have. I only know a couple of people IRL who don’t use dummies. But I think they look awful.

I BF all of mine, they all had dummies. If they didn't have a dummy I would have stopped feeding, mine would sit on me for hours not feeding. So that bit of plastic actually supported my BF journey ... 🙄 wish I could do a bigger eye roll your way!
Giraffesandbottoms · 12/04/2022 09:26

“I would be used as a dummy”.

No. The dummy is used as a breast. The breast came first. You would be used for comfort sucking as is natural. You didn’t want to, because it was inconvenient - that’s up to you/none of my business but the phrasing drives me nuts as it implies the breast is an imitation of a dummy which is the wrong way round.

Cornettoninja · 12/04/2022 09:26

You are entitled to your opinion. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise

Of course you are, just as others are entitled to point out that opinion is worthless and spiteful 🤷‍♀️

Giraffesandbottoms · 12/04/2022 09:27

wish I could do a bigger eye roll your way!

Eye roll away! Doesn’t bother me

Cornettoninja · 12/04/2022 09:31

BECAUSE THE SAME RULES DONT APPLY FOR CHILDREN WITH SN

Ah there we go. The exception to the rule which makes judgement acceptable.

Except it’s not because casual judging doesn’t have time or knowledge to make those exceptions and is what makes the opinion worthless.

“My opinion is x except for in circumstances that I could have no way of knowing”