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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I hate dummies !!!

327 replies

EsmeDavina · 11/04/2022 17:07

I have a real hatred for toddlers with dummies! It actually irks me so much.

I totally get there is a time and place for dummies to soothe and settle babies.

My own son had a dummy as a newborn but I took it off him/he gave it up at around 6 months.

I could not bear for him to be one of these children you see with a dummy you cannot part them from.

My friends children his age still have dummies and every photograph you see of them they have this unsightly thing plugged in their mouths.

Even when we are out, they are given the dummy for no reason. Not upset, not settling to sleep just automatically put in the mouth.

I never used to have such a thing about dummies until I became a mum and I don't know why they annoy me so much 😂 !!

I know it's stupid because they aren't my children however does it bother anyone else as much ?

OP posts:
110APiccadilly · 12/04/2022 07:29

I thumb sucked until I was 10. Years, not months. Bet I wouldn't have been using a dummy at 10.

I listened to the advice not to give a dummy too early with DD and then she refused it!

ScoobyGrew · 12/04/2022 07:32

I think it's important that we judge each other for parenting differences as it makes the world a better place for us all. We shouldn't take into consideration personal circumstances or that one child might have different needs.

What I hate to see is mothers who push their children into buggies or car seats when they clearly don't want to go in them. Or worse, high chairs. Stay in the house if your child won't go in a high chair. I judge that a lot. Like really a lot. Why can't they be absolutely perfect like me and only make the same parenting decisions I make?

Even if it looks like they are at the very end of their tether and like they are about to cry I just judge them more.

Also, sometimes when you go to soft play you will see, say for example, a 17 month old boy running absolute riot and not listening to his mother. I think to myself

'oh I hate seeing that and my eyes should only see things that I approve of and that I don't hate seeing'

hydrate3546 · 12/04/2022 07:36

@EsmeDavina

And as most of the people posting saying I'm being judgemental are missing is as I said 'there is a time and a place'

It's not being judgemental it's an opinion/dislike.

Okay everyone, drop everything... you heard @EsmeDavina.... there is a 'time and place' for a dummy and we mustn't deviate from these parameters.

Would you mind drawing us up a schedule?

Thank you for gracing us with your wisdom.

Lasttraintolondon · 12/04/2022 07:37

Good post @scoobygrew.

Personally I like judgy people, usually they can't help but share comments or looks of disgust and it signposts to me that I should avoid them. Other assholes hide it better.

QuillBill · 12/04/2022 07:46

Thank you for gracing us with your wisdom.
Those of us with lots of dc and dc which have been through the teenage years should gather round Esme and her not even two year old for advice.

I always say that once you have raised a child to age one you are an expert as you are over the worst of it and you will never have any problems again.

Ponoka7 · 12/04/2022 07:48

@OfstedOffred

" isnt that the whole point of non nutritive sucking where they are at the breast but don't take more milk?""

Research has shown that suckling on a dummy gives the same response as suckling on a breast. Babies need to suckle, some more than others. We shouldn't be ignoring that. Women shouldn't have to sit for hours being used as dummys. Suckling is a stress release, which is why they are thought to lower the SIDS risk.

As said, line children up and you can't tell who had a dummy. There's research to show that they are helpful. They are now orthodontic and we understand speech development better. If it works for you and your baby then ignore other people.

Menora · 12/04/2022 07:53

I got fed up with DD having a dummy when she was 3 and the dummy fairy came to take it away. It was another thing to have to remember all the time and she was talking with it in her mouth. My other child never wanted a dummy. It did us good for a while but it was time for it to go. Oh and DD later was diagnosed with ADHD and very much craved the sensory element and comfort of a dummy

Menora · 12/04/2022 07:55

Oh and DD ended up in a buggy till she was 5 as she has lax knees and they would hurt her. IDGAF if people stared at me about it

gogohm · 12/04/2022 07:56

I agree op, mine didn't have them at all. They can cause teeth issues too

NippyWoowoo · 12/04/2022 07:58

You hate them? Don't use them. Problem solved

Sceptre86 · 12/04/2022 08:00

No it doesn't. My eldest didn't take one but my son did. He had it for 2 years and then gave it up in a week. Current baby is 7 months and she has only just started taking a dummy now.

I'm not a fan of giving dummies to newborns like you did!

gogohm · 12/04/2022 08:00

My dd is autistic and she didn't have a dummy, they are nothing to do with each other? Dummies unless prescribed by a medical professional (eg preemies) are not necessary. If you choose to use them fine but it's also fine for others to disagree with your parenting

Cornettoninja · 12/04/2022 08:04

If you choose to use them fine but it's also fine for others to disagree with your parenting

No, it’s fine for others to parent how they wish, disagreeing implies that anyone asked you and your opinion is somehow relevant to their choices. It isn’t.

Mouk · 12/04/2022 08:07

Make sure you don't fall off that high horse of yours or you may hurt yourself.

Underhisi · 12/04/2022 08:07

"My dd is autistic and she didn't have a dummy, they are nothing to do with each other?"

Well if your one child with autism didn't do something that means there can be no link. My child can't talk so that means that no child with autism can talk.

AchillesPoirot · 12/04/2022 08:08

@gogohm

My dd is autistic and she didn't have a dummy, they are nothing to do with each other? Dummies unless prescribed by a medical professional (eg preemies) are not necessary. If you choose to use them fine but it's also fine for others to disagree with your parenting
My dd had a dummy because she was having what we thought we total tantrums. It turns out (because we didn’t know she was autistic then) that they were meltdowns.

Why would you want to have a disabled child in extreme distress when there’s such a simple solution?

Menora · 12/04/2022 08:10

It doesn’t really matter what you think of other peoples parenting just don’t do that with your own child if you don’t like it?

AchillesPoirot · 12/04/2022 08:11

Dd is now in her 20s.

She’s coping well with life, has completed a university degree and is working, which at times I thought was unattainable for her. She also has friends. Which again I thought would never happen.

Judge the fuck out of me for the dummy. I did the right thing for my child.

What the fuck good does it do judging someone else? Especially for a fricking dummy. Who cares? What difference does it make to you and your child if someone else’s child has a dummy? How does it affect you?

Nasty nasty ableist thread.

Giraffesandbottoms · 12/04/2022 08:16

Guys on MN you are only allowed to have an opinion if it correlates with the herd opinion. So it’s not ok to dislike dummies and vocalise that, because most people use dummies here. And it’s totally ironic how people are happy to judge people for having an opinion but can’t see that that’s judgemental it itself. I wouldn’t have started a thread on this matter myself, because I know it’s contentious (same with breastfeeding threads etc) but of course it’s fine to have an opinion, albeit an unpopular one. Just like there are also threads re iPad usage and other stuff. It’s total bollocks to say people don’t judge other people’s parenting on a daily basis, I don’t believe it. I’m sure I do things people see and think “wtf is she doing?” - that’s their prerogative.

brookstar · 12/04/2022 08:19

@TokenGinger

I don't feel as strongly about them as you do, but I am on the same wavelength as you. I hate seeing what dummies do to their poor teeth. You can immediately spot a regular dummy using toddler by their curved teeth, and it's such a shame for them. It's not their fault, that's their comfort, but the reality is that they cause dental issues.

I have friends/people on my Facebook whose children genuinely have a dummy shaped whole in their smile/between their teeth, because their teeth have had to grow around the dummy that's permanently in their mouth.

This is absolute rubbish. Pretty much everyone in my family and circle of friends used dummies. Not one child has issues with their teeth or speech. They're all older now and at school. You can't tell who used dummies, who was breastfed etc. people seriously need to chill.

There are some ridiculous comments on this thread!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 12/04/2022 08:20

I was the opposite. Vehemently anti* - until I had a baby with classic 3 months colic, when a dummy was the only thing that seemed to give her any relief.
She would happily go to sleep anywhere if she had her dummy and her bit of blanket so from that POV it was a godsend., Didn’t give it up entirely until she was nearly 6.
And BTW, she’s long grown up and her teeth were always perfect.,

*I’m old enough to remember when they were considered decidedly ‘common’.

AchillesPoirot · 12/04/2022 08:20

My dentist told me thumb ducking causes more issues than a dummy.

AchillesPoirot · 12/04/2022 08:21

All three of mine needed orthodontics. Only one of them had a dummy. And the one with the worst teeth in terms of braces wasn’t the one with the dummy.

Cornettoninja · 12/04/2022 08:22

I’m sure I do things people see and think “wtf is she doing?”

Yes, we all think stuff, it’s when people go out of their way to seek validation for those thoughts that they know is going to upset people because they’re well aware of the audience they’re talking to.

Let’s face it, the only reason to post opinions like this is to seek validation and superiority. It’s spiteful and unnecessary. There’s no value in it whatsoever. OP doesn’t require any support to not use a dummy does she?

killwithkindness · 12/04/2022 08:26

I feel like this post was used to cause drama.. because it was always going to 🤣

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