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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Cheeky request to buy parents house - AIBU?

585 replies

SewingMum46 · 11/04/2022 07:03

My DPs still live in the same house they built when first married in the 60s. It’s in quite a nice area and because DF is an amazing gardener has a lovely garden which can be seen through the gate. It’s split level so although DM has some mobility problems and is quite frail, it still works for them. They’d only leave if something happened to one of them.
They got a card through the door last week with a message that basically said this couple who live in a very posh house up a very posh street nearby want to downsize because their kids have left home, so please would they consider selling their house to them? It included something along the lines of “Of course we’d pay full market value but it would be good to avoid those annoying estate agents fees”. It was handwritten with the name and address of the couple.
I feel it’s a bit cheeky and tbh on the verge of being entitled. DPs don’t know these people at all - they said in the card they’ve “always thought the house is lovely” and now they’ve decided it would suit them better as their “current property is on 4 floors”.
DF hasn’t shown the card to DM. I told him to ignore it but hold onto it. He’s adamant that if he sold to them it would be above market value, but he doesn’t want to sell - it would be up to DB and me to sell the house after they are gone.
What would you feel if this happened to your DPs? I find it really upsetting.

OP posts:

BalloonSlayer · 11/04/2022 07:38

We sold our last house like this.

We were definitely selling as relocating and had had it valued but we're just waiting to have something cosmetic done to it before we had pictures taken and put in on the market.

Note came through the door, they had put notes through all the houses on the street. I phoned them they came round, I pointed out the cosmetic thing - "that's being fixed next week" - and told them what the estate agent had suggested we sell it for. Readers - they bought it. Win-win!

HelloDulling · 11/04/2022 07:38

Of course it’s not unreasonable to think a house is lovely and wish it were yours, but wouldn’t you wait for a “For Sale” sign to go up?

I live on a road with a few very ‘special’ houses. They never come onto the market; when they sell and new people move in it must be either through approaches like this, or estate agents having a list of people looking who they contact directly for viewings as soon as they receive an instruction.

CuddlyCactus · 11/04/2022 07:38

Well I suppose these people don't know if you're parents may be thinking of selling too as they're getting older.
I've had a note like this through my door and I know other neighbours have too.

If you're selling privately then the seller avoids estate agents fees, that's the benefit. My ILs sold to someone they knew and she paid an agent to value it.
Of course in a hot market, your parents could get more in the open market but would pay estate agent a percentage.

daisybrown37 · 11/04/2022 07:39

You are taking this as if they have been personally targeted, because of their age and perceived health.

It is unlikely the note was personal - they like the house, so have put a note through the letterbox (and probably others), they most likely have no idea who lives there.

Clarinet1 · 11/04/2022 07:39

I’m sorry to hear about your DM’s illness but I think you are being U. The note writers the asked a simple question; if the answer is “No”, that’s all there is to it. No need to do anything.
I’m afraid, from the other angle, if my ship came in and I had a windfall, I know exactly which lovely little street I would be heading to with some notes!

Octomore · 11/04/2022 07:40

@SewingMum46

It’s the wording really - “Of course we’d pay full market value but avoid estate agents fees”. DPs aren’t particularly aware of the value of the house, they were surprised when they asked me how much it might be worth. It also felt a bit like they were being watched.

Christ, get over yourself.

rwalker · 11/04/2022 07:40

I think your looking to be offended and when they said of course we'll pay the full market value to me that means there not trying to get it cheap .

ThirdElephant · 11/04/2022 07:40

@SewingMum46

Maybe I should have mentioned DM has been suffering from cancer and is very frail, DF is her carer and very independent. It almost feels like they’ve seen them and thought “they’ll be going into a home soon”. Of course it’s not unreasonable to think a house is lovely and wish it were yours, but wouldn’t you wait for a “For Sale” sign to go up?

They don't always go up at all. Lots of estate agents these days offer the option not to use them.

needmorethanthis · 11/04/2022 07:40

You say you’re protective of DPs but this is an absurd reaction not protective. Please think things through and be sensible. What is the possibilities of things that could happen? They get a note through the door telling them their neighbour loves the house. They aren’t then going to send the mafia round to force them to sell!!! Come on.

londonrach · 11/04/2022 07:41

Yabu. I bet your parents house not the only house they put this note through. It's a very common thing people do and encouraged on MN and any house buying programme. You seem to be taking this personally.

Zonder · 11/04/2022 07:42

Seriously it's normal. Just ignore. Or write back and say no thank you, please don't ask again.

It's also normal to try and go without an estate agent and save money. You'd still use a solicitor. Just let it go.

Original poster

SewingMum46 · 11/04/2022 07:42

@Dairymilk50

I think from reading on here maybe it's a little more common than I thought.

My mum had something similar the odd part is that there has never been a for sale sign up. It's presumtious to think that you can buy someone's house that is NOT up for sale.

We all see now houses around... doesn't give you the right to post notes though. The fee part was uncessary also.

Thank you for feeling like I do! Obviously from people’s replies I’m in the minority but it’s nice to know I’m not totally alone!

OP posts:

chaosrabbitland · 11/04/2022 07:42

nothing bad about this and iv seen people on the property section here advise fellow mumsnetters to do it as well once or twice , all they have to do is ignore it , its hardly rude as they have written , rude would be putting them on the spot by knocking at the door and asking it .

i doubt they are being watched , iv lost count of the number of times iv looked at a house and admired how nice it is when iv gone past it in my neighbourhood , im not there for 10 minutes trying to work out whos in the kitchen and peering in the windows to see the layout though

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/04/2022 07:42

@Octomore

You and your DF have taken this WAY more personally than you should have.

Take it as a compliment to the house and ignore.

Absolutely!

It's an enquiry, that's all. Your parents are under no compulsion to sell - no-one it threatening or pressuring them.

Just say "Thank you, very flattering etc but we have no plans to move. Hope you find somewhere that suits you."

I don't think it's cheeky at all

notanothertakeaway · 11/04/2022 07:44

They were a little cheeky to talk of "downsizing" to your parents' house, but perhaps they thought it would reassure your parents that they are serious enquires who can afford the house

GoodSoup · 11/04/2022 07:44

Kirstie and Phil do this all the time. I expect they’ve put notes through other doors too.

Appleblum · 11/04/2022 07:44

Total non issue. I receive these notes every week!

WildCoasts · 11/04/2022 07:44

It's a compliment to your parents. Probably the people making the offer have decided they need to downsize, thought about how much they love the house on x street, and dropped a polite note just in case the owners were thinking of selling up. Nothing wrong with asking. Your parents can ignore it or say no. I get notes about that from real estate agents from time to time and there's no way any of them are thinking I'm about to head into a home soon. I think you're reading too much into the note.

RedskyThisNight · 11/04/2022 07:44

This happens to us all the time. It's not even particularly targeting our house- they generally leaflet all the houses of similar size in an area.
The people sending the letter can have no idea what the house is like inside and imight not even want to buy it once they've seen it and found out the market value.

stayathomer · 11/04/2022 07:45

I think a lot of the people on here would be a bit upset if they got this note, it's more that someone has been actively looking at and assessing a house you're living in, and thinking of ways to get it when it's your home and you never thought of leaving it!

DrSbaitso · 11/04/2022 07:46

@SewingMum46

I'm very sorry to hear this, but these people didn't know that. They're not watching and rubbing their hands in glee at the thought of your parents being unwell. They just like the house and thought they'd ask. For all they know, your parents might have been considering moving for any reason and this could be the catalyst, knowing they have a guaranteed sale at market price from a keen buyer, and no EA fees.

Really, don't take it personally. They've asked, I'm sure they will not push it if they get no reply.

I hope your mother recovers soon.

TheBigDilemma · 11/04/2022 07:47

I get cards like that at least twice a month. I feel flattered and put them in the bin.

I don’t think for a minute the people who put them through my post flap are not targeting other properties.

Just ignore, is a suggestion to offer not a demand to move out.

carefullycourageous · 11/04/2022 07:48

@SewingMum46

They are taking it too personally, and avoiding agent's fees is a recognised perk of a privately-agreed sale.

Bluetrews25 · 11/04/2022 07:48

So, what if your parents had been considering selling, but not yet got around to organising an agent? Then this note would have been a godsend, because they could sell at full market value, and YOUR PARENTS would have avoided a hefty estate agent fee. They seller pays the fees, not the buyer. They offered to save your parents money but still pay full price. And you are offended?
OP, if you don't ask, you don't get. They asked, just in case your parents were thinknig of it, that's all!

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 11/04/2022 07:48

We get a lot of these, mostly from estate agents, but occasionally from a potential buyer. We just chuck them in the recycling. It's not like anybody can force your parents to sell up, is it? Of course people notice what other houses in their area are like.

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