Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cheeky request to buy parents house - AIBU?

585 replies

SewingMum46 · 11/04/2022 07:03

My DPs still live in the same house they built when first married in the 60s. It’s in quite a nice area and because DF is an amazing gardener has a lovely garden which can be seen through the gate. It’s split level so although DM has some mobility problems and is quite frail, it still works for them. They’d only leave if something happened to one of them.
They got a card through the door last week with a message that basically said this couple who live in a very posh house up a very posh street nearby want to downsize because their kids have left home, so please would they consider selling their house to them? It included something along the lines of “Of course we’d pay full market value but it would be good to avoid those annoying estate agents fees”. It was handwritten with the name and address of the couple.
I feel it’s a bit cheeky and tbh on the verge of being entitled. DPs don’t know these people at all - they said in the card they’ve “always thought the house is lovely” and now they’ve decided it would suit them better as their “current property is on 4 floors”.
DF hasn’t shown the card to DM. I told him to ignore it but hold onto it. He’s adamant that if he sold to them it would be above market value, but he doesn’t want to sell - it would be up to DB and me to sell the house after they are gone.
What would you feel if this happened to your DPs? I find it really upsetting.

OP posts:
Meadmaiden · 11/04/2022 08:04

Nothing wrong of them to ask. Don't feel like your parents are being watched: they likely put this note through dozens of doors, knowing nothing about the occupants. I have received them. Just binned them, but yabu to be upset by it.

Nennypops · 11/04/2022 08:06

@stayathomer

I think a lot of the people on here would be a bit upset if they got this note, it's more that someone has been actively looking at and assessing a house you're living in, and thinking of ways to get it when it's your home and you never thought of leaving it!
But they haven't. They've probably walked down the road, noted a few houses that are roughly the size they want, and put notes through all their doors. They haven't been peering through the windows and working out where they're going to put their furniture. Haven't you ever walked past a house and thought something like "That's really nice, I wouldn't mind living there"?
DropYourSword · 11/04/2022 08:06

FFS. Is everyone on here just devoid of any empathy now?
OP has explained exactly why she's feeling more sensitive about this than other people might. She doesn't need page after page of people telling her how ridiculous or OTT she is.
Can we have some bloody empathy.

bellac11 · 11/04/2022 08:08

This is a non issue, very polite, common way of asking if someone is thinking about selling their house and if so, please sell it to us and avoid other fees by going direct

Nothing to get upset about or hide information from your mother about.

How strange.

Original poster
SewingMum46 · 11/04/2022 08:08

@phishy

YABU. There is something unsavoury about your posts, OP. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there is a superiority and outrage that is difficult to stomach.
???
OP posts:
gingerhills · 11/04/2022 08:08

I don't think it's upsetting. It's a huge compliment. If they started pestering, that would be a problem but a single request is fine.

DrSbaitso · 11/04/2022 08:09

@phishy

YABU. There is something unsavoury about your posts, OP. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there is a superiority and outrage that is difficult to stomach.
It's not superiority or outrage. It's a channel for sorrow and worry about her mother's health. The askers have no idea about any of this so it's misdirected, but it's very understandable.
CuddlyCactus · 11/04/2022 08:09

The letter I've had was very politely worded snd merely said the family were looking to buy in our estate and if we were thinking about selling would we let them know and a private sale would save estate agent fees. Happens all the time.

But I think maybe the contents of the letter your parents got @SewingMum46 was a bit too personal. It didn't need to go into that level detail but I expect the people were just trying to let them know they were genuine

Octomore · 11/04/2022 08:10

OP - if your parent did ever want to sell, maybe to move to somewhere more manageable, wouldn't you be pleased that they had a way of doing so that meant they didn't have to pay £'000s in estate agent fees? That saving is a huge benefit to the seller.

Original poster
SewingMum46 · 11/04/2022 08:10

@WorkingItOutAsIGo

It’s super common. But one tip: if you choose to sell this way you should always ask for extra above what you think the market value is. There is a value to your buyers in being certain of the house and it not going in the open market and that value should come to you. In similar circumstances my DH negotiated a £50,000 increase in sale price (a long time ago too) for not putting it on the open market. He asked for it and got it without quibble.
That’s pretty much exactly what DF said he’d do if he sold the house!
OP posts:
bellac11 · 11/04/2022 08:10

@SewingMum46

Maybe I should have mentioned DM has been suffering from cancer and is very frail, DF is her carer and very independent. It almost feels like they’ve seen them and thought “they’ll be going into a home soon”. Of course it’s not unreasonable to think a house is lovely and wish it were yours, but wouldn’t you wait for a “For Sale” sign to go up?
You seem paranoid.

You're probably struggling with your mothers illness and theres no surprise there but its making you irrational and illogical.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 11/04/2022 08:11

There appears to be an increasing desire to buy a house that hasn't been on rightmove so people can't nosey around, worth considering this when you do sell.

Catflapkitkat · 11/04/2022 08:12

I came on here thinking your parents have told you to buy their house so they can still come and visit/stay in it.

I think you and your Father are overreacting a tad. It's easy to find out the market rate via estate agents, surveys etc., And who wouldn't want to dodge estate agents fees. It's a perfectly reasonable suggestion.

GoodSoup · 11/04/2022 08:13

Estate agents but their leaflets through the door all the time.

TabithaHazel · 11/04/2022 08:14

@DropYourSword

FFS. Is everyone on here just devoid of any empathy now? OP has explained exactly why she's feeling more sensitive about this than other people might. She doesn't need page after page of people telling her how ridiculous or OTT she is. Can we have some bloody empathy.
The OP is offended over a non-issue though, and people are just pointing this out. If they had posted saying that this note made her/him feel bad as it is a reminder of their parents' mortality that would be a completely different thing, but the OP is getting indignant over a perfectly normal thing for people to do and somehow saying it is distasteful or cheeky.
Wishingwell2022 · 11/04/2022 08:14

We’ve sold our house and are paying the estate agent £3k. The house we’re buying will be paying their estate agent £5k minimum.
The reason they put that on the note is to highlight the saving, and also that they won’t have to have people coming into their house for viewings if they sold privately, saving time, stress and money. Plus the obvious Covid issue with lots of people coming and going.
We nearly did this before finding the house we eventually offered on, as houses were coming onto the market and viewing slots were being snapped up within an hour. We were also at a disadvantage apparently as we were selling, even though we had a buyer, and people were selling to FTB or cash buyers on the estate agents advice.
We knew the roads we liked, the types of houses, so would have done the same thing as these people.
There’s nothing sinister about it, they’re just trying to be one step ahead of the market.

Qwill · 11/04/2022 08:15

I honestly don’t think the couple have even seen your parents, they just like the house!! If you parents don’t want to sell, I really don’t see why there is an issue? Just ignore it, like posters have said, I imagine the couple have posted lots of these letters. It’s very common to sell privately. We bought ours privately and both us and the seller saved a lot of money and hassle with estate agents.

colosmbo · 11/04/2022 08:15

I don't understand why it's cheeky or entitled. Your parents are welcome to bin it & ignore.

colosmbo · 11/04/2022 08:16

I've had a similar note, I thought it was a compliment but didn't want to move. No big deal!

C8H10N4O2 · 11/04/2022 08:16

Just treat it like any other spam or marketing mail - bin it and tell your parents that marketing via handwritten letters isn't uncommon.

We periodically get these silly notes from "someone who just loves our house" except occasionally they use the same text and include the name of the agent paying for the campaign.

If they do want to sell in the future then get the agents in to value it anyway.

watcherintherye · 11/04/2022 08:16

All they’re doing is saying ‘if you’re thinking of selling, we’d be interested in buying and saving us both money by cutting out the middle man’.

You’ve cast them in the role of vultures, unfathomably. It’s a really common practice nowadays. Don’t overthink it. Are you worried about your inheritance?

As they are neighbours, if I were your parents I would reply with ‘Thanks for your note, but we’re not planning to sell in the foreseeable future. Good luck in your property search.’

Piper22 · 11/04/2022 08:17

You’re being so precious. This is a totally normal thing to do and happens all the time

DropYourSword · 11/04/2022 08:17

@TabithaHazel

I can't write it as eloquently as @DrSbaitso so instead I'll just repost what she said:
It's a channel for sorrow and worry about her mother's health. The askers have no idea about any of this so it's misdirected, but it's very understandable.

tinkywinkyshandbag · 11/04/2022 08:17

Remember it's the seller not the buyer that pays the estate agents fees so there's no financial benefit to them. It's a totally common and normal way to buy a house, they are not stalkers or vultures. I think your understandable anxiety about your Mum had made you overthink this OP.

LookItsMeAgain · 11/04/2022 08:18

I would have interpreted the note to be "If you're ever considering of selling, give us first refusal before putting it on the open market at market value please?"

I think you've read more into the note than was ever suggested.

If you feel like replying, you could say "thanks for expressing an interest. We're not planning on selling at the moment. All the best"