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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cheeky request to buy parents house - AIBU?

585 replies

SewingMum46 · 11/04/2022 07:03

My DPs still live in the same house they built when first married in the 60s. It’s in quite a nice area and because DF is an amazing gardener has a lovely garden which can be seen through the gate. It’s split level so although DM has some mobility problems and is quite frail, it still works for them. They’d only leave if something happened to one of them.
They got a card through the door last week with a message that basically said this couple who live in a very posh house up a very posh street nearby want to downsize because their kids have left home, so please would they consider selling their house to them? It included something along the lines of “Of course we’d pay full market value but it would be good to avoid those annoying estate agents fees”. It was handwritten with the name and address of the couple.
I feel it’s a bit cheeky and tbh on the verge of being entitled. DPs don’t know these people at all - they said in the card they’ve “always thought the house is lovely” and now they’ve decided it would suit them better as their “current property is on 4 floors”.
DF hasn’t shown the card to DM. I told him to ignore it but hold onto it. He’s adamant that if he sold to them it would be above market value, but he doesn’t want to sell - it would be up to DB and me to sell the house after they are gone.
What would you feel if this happened to your DPs? I find it really upsetting.

OP posts:
saltedcaramelanything · 11/04/2022 07:17

You are waaay overthinking this.

They probably put identical notes to a few houses. Private sales do happen, they're just explaining the benefits.

If they aren't interested in selling, just bin it and forget about it.

hopeishere · 11/04/2022 07:17

Yeah perfectly normal. Friends did this and bought a house this way. They're not being "watched".

Giraffesandbottoms · 11/04/2022 07:17

Mental post. You’ve received a polite and reasonable note. Somehow you’re offended by it. Sensible
To want to avoid estate agent fees.

Original poster
SewingMum46 · 11/04/2022 07:18

Maybe I should have mentioned DM has been suffering from cancer and is very frail, DF is her carer and very independent. It almost feels like they’ve seen them and thought “they’ll be going into a home soon”. Of course it’s not unreasonable to think a house is lovely and wish it were yours, but wouldn’t you wait for a “For Sale” sign to go up?

OP posts:
MrsToadflax · 11/04/2022 07:18

Kirsty & Phil advise viewers to do this if struggling to find properties for sale. The house hasn't been 'watched', the couple have just driven around the area, seen a few house they think could work and popped a note through the door. Completely normal!

Womencanlift · 11/04/2022 07:21

@SewingMum46

Maybe I should have mentioned DM has been suffering from cancer and is very frail, DF is her carer and very independent. It almost feels like they’ve seen them and thought “they’ll be going into a home soon”. Of course it’s not unreasonable to think a house is lovely and wish it were yours, but wouldn’t you wait for a “For Sale” sign to go up?
No because it is perfectly normal to be pro active when house hunting especially if it is a hot market

As other pp’s have said you are taking this far too personally when most people would have said oh that’s nice and put the note in the bin if they were not interested

NameGoesHere · 11/04/2022 07:21

You’re overreacting.

Obelisk · 11/04/2022 07:21

You are way overthinking this. It will be one card among many, not something based on your parents’ specific circumstances. Just bin it and move on.

tcjotm · 11/04/2022 07:22

@SewingMum46

Maybe I should have mentioned DM has been suffering from cancer and is very frail, DF is her carer and very independent. It almost feels like they’ve seen them and thought “they’ll be going into a home soon”. Of course it’s not unreasonable to think a house is lovely and wish it were yours, but wouldn’t you wait for a “For Sale” sign to go up?
No, because as lots of people have told you, this is an extremely common suggestion for home purchasers to be. Just ignore it if they don’t want to sell. The suggestion about saving realestate fees is supposed to be a positive for the sellers.

None of this is at all manipulative or untoward. They are literally just following extremely common advice for house hunters. It is nothing to do with your parents circumstances. Just ignore it if you aren’t interested.

Dairymilk50 · 11/04/2022 07:22

I think from reading on here maybe it's a little more common than I thought.

My mum had something similar the odd part is that there has never been a for sale sign up. It's presumtious to think that you can buy someone's house that is NOT up for sale.

We all see now houses around... doesn't give you the right to post notes though. The fee part was uncessary also.

Antarcticant · 11/04/2022 07:22

Threads on here always advise people to do this if there's a house they like - personally, I think it's a bit much. I'd feel uncomfortable if I got one although not to the point of making a to-do about it. It's the feeling that someone is waiting to pounce and I suppose, the reminder that you aren't always going to occupy your house, whether you move on or live there till you die. It's an unwelcome reminder of mortality and impermanence.

Heracles1000 · 11/04/2022 07:22

@SewingMum46

Maybe I should have mentioned DM has been suffering from cancer and is very frail, DF is her carer and very independent. It almost feels like they’ve seen them and thought “they’ll be going into a home soon”. Of course it’s not unreasonable to think a house is lovely and wish it were yours, but wouldn’t you wait for a “For Sale” sign to go up?
They've probably put the same note through multiple doors
AndAsIfByMagic · 11/04/2022 07:23

As others have said this is very common. We get a couple a year.

MrsToadflax · 11/04/2022 07:23

@SewingMum46

Maybe I should have mentioned DM has been suffering from cancer and is very frail, DF is her carer and very independent. It almost feels like they’ve seen them and thought “they’ll be going into a home soon”. Of course it’s not unreasonable to think a house is lovely and wish it were yours, but wouldn’t you wait for a “For Sale” sign to go up?
Lots of houses don't even make it to market/on Rightmove because deals are done beforehand. We've been looking for ages and will consider leafleting soon because houses come and go with no 'For Sale' sign. Times have changed.
Billybagpuss · 11/04/2022 07:23

@SewingMum46

Maybe I should have mentioned DM has been suffering from cancer and is very frail, DF is her carer and very independent. It almost feels like they’ve seen them and thought “they’ll be going into a home soon”. Of course it’s not unreasonable to think a house is lovely and wish it were yours, but wouldn’t you wait for a “For Sale” sign to go up?
Still makes no difference and you are over thinking.

In the current market where houses are being snapped within a day and result in bidding wars people want to avoid that. By the time the for sale sign goes up at the moment it’s often already gone.

DropYourSword · 11/04/2022 07:23

@SewingMum46

Maybe I should have mentioned DM has been suffering from cancer and is very frail, DF is her carer and very independent. It almost feels like they’ve seen them and thought “they’ll be going into a home soon”. Of course it’s not unreasonable to think a house is lovely and wish it were yours, but wouldn’t you wait for a “For Sale” sign to go up?
I'm so sorry for your mum. My DM also had cancer and it was a very painful stressful time for the family.

I do mean this kindly - but it has no bearing in the note they received. This whole thread has advised how totally normal it is for buyers to do this, and why they don't wait for a for sale sign. They really won't be any more to it than that, although I appreciate given your circumstances why it would feel that way.

Dietcokeaddiction · 11/04/2022 07:23

@SewingMum46

Maybe I should have mentioned DM has been suffering from cancer and is very frail, DF is her carer and very independent. It almost feels like they’ve seen them and thought “they’ll be going into a home soon”. Of course it’s not unreasonable to think a house is lovely and wish it were yours, but wouldn’t you wait for a “For Sale” sign to go up?
No. It's a really common thing to do. We had loads in our old house (way before we considered moving) and I know several people who have sold like this. If you wait for the For Sale signs to go up then you can't avoid the estate agents' fees. They may well have put similar notes through several doors. I would not assume they are judging the frailty of your parents.
FAQs · 11/04/2022 07:23

Op, am I overreacting?
Everyone, Yes
Op, I’ll keep adding bits because I disagree.
Everyone, You are still overreacting.

thinking123 · 11/04/2022 07:24

I sold a house to someone who put a note through my door.

I had half been considering moving and the note gave me the nudge. We both saved money, they paid full market value and no estate agent fees.

Bumtum126 · 11/04/2022 07:24

The point is they avoid the estate agent so waiting for the sign to go up is what they want to avoid.

00100001 · 11/04/2022 07:24

It really isn't an unusual thing tondo.

You're being a bit sensitive,and a bit OTT.

HELLITHURT · 11/04/2022 07:24

@SewingMum46

It’s the wording really - “Of course we’d pay full market value but avoid estate agents fees”. DPs aren’t particularly aware of the value of the house, they were surprised when they asked me how much it might be worth. It also felt a bit like they were being watched.
How on earth is it like being watched?
Lizziekisss · 11/04/2022 07:24

We had something similar a week or two ago. It’s a technique recommended by Phil and Kirsty. It’s a compliment to your parents lovely home. Well that’s how we chose to take it😁

Fizbosshoes · 11/04/2022 07:25

Our house is in the catchment area for 2 good (and oversubscribed - although tbh most schools in the town are oversubscribed) schools. We regularly get letters from estate agents saying they've got a couple/family who desperately want to move to our road and once or twice we've have a handwritten one. I imagine all our neighbours get the same.

Clymene · 11/04/2022 07:25

Would it put your mind at rest if you speak to the neighbours and see if they also had notes? Because they will have done. The pay won't have been watching your parents, honestly.