Cheeky request to buy parents house - AIBU?

[SewingMum46]

My DPs still live in the same house they built when first married in the 60s. It’s in quite a nice area and because DF is an amazing gardener has a lovely garden which can be seen through the gate. It’s split level so although DM has some mobility problems and is quite frail, it still works for them. They’d only leave if something happened to one of them.
They got a card through the door last week with a message that basically said this couple who live in a very posh house up a very posh street nearby want to downsize because their kids have left home, so please would they consider selling their house to them? It included something along the lines of “Of course we’d pay full market value but it would be good to avoid those annoying estate agents fees”. It was handwritten with the name and address of the couple.
I feel it’s a bit cheeky and tbh on the verge of being entitled. DPs don’t know these people at all - they said in the card they’ve “always thought the house is lovely” and now they’ve decided it would suit them better as their “current property is on 4 floors”.
DF hasn’t shown the card to DM. I told him to ignore it but hold onto it. He’s adamant that if he sold to them it would be above market value, but he doesn’t want to sell - it would be up to DB and me to sell the house after they are gone.
What would you feel if this happened to your DPs? I find it really upsetting.

I bought the house that I am living in this way. The property had been in the market but then taken off. I contacted the owner later to say that if they decided to sell in the future hat I would be interested. They replied that still did want to sell but not until they had found what they wanted. I was happy to wait and we completed without estate agents. I think that now a days, a proactive approach can sometimes lay off. If your parents don’t want to sell, at least they know that their house is well liked and a prime property should they ever change their minds. No reason at all to feel under any pressure to move, take it as a compliment for their lovely home and garden.

I think the majority of PPs commenting haven't read ALL of OPs posts where she clarified yesterday evening that

. It wasn’t so much the fact that a note was sent, but more the way it was written - it came across as saying that DPs house would be more convenient for them, and it was a bit full-on. If they’d said “we like your house - if you ever wish to sell it we’d love to be considered” I think it would have come across better. But it went into details like the number of floors in their current house, how they’d like “less stairs”, how it would be better not to involve an estate agent, how “of course we’d pay you the market value” and that made it into something else.

It sounds too much in that letter they posted, as a simple note 'if they ever wanted to sell' as OP suggested , OP said they would have been fine. It was the tmi and contents of note that was too much.

OP also said she'd looked up Zoopla value of both properties and they are similiar values, so clearly the people who put note through door saying they wanted to 'downsize' (which usually means buy cheaper and smaller property to release some equity) are likely hoping to get it under its actual value.

'No need to involve EAs' might be their way of suggesting to an aged couple that there's 'no need to get it valued, we private buyers will tell you your properties value without it being on an open market'!!

I get at least 6 letters through my door every year asking if I'm interested in selling my house, half are private buyers as well as usual EA letters due to living in desirable residential road with larger drives and gardens than usual.

Last year I had started to think about selling my house , so I did respond (with a might be considering potentially selling my house in near future) to a polite letter from private enquiry (as timing might have been right).....
You know what? ... the top amount they were hoping to buy my house for was £75k less than the lowest valuation (£110k less than top valuation) that I had 4 EAs do a few weeks later. (And that was on their 3rd call back to me (with their maximum potential offer which was £30k more than original suggestion they made!) . They knew the market and people hope for a bargain. I'm glad I thought "I'll get my house valued by a few EAs"

I read the letter as explaining that if you looked at their house and the parents house you might wonder why they want to make a parallel move.

Surely the wording that upset you is just them pointing out that if your parents did sell privately they would save money on agents' fees? Maybe you are projecting your anxieties about your parents' health and growing older onto these people, as it does seem a very extreme reaction. You want to protect your parents - I get that - but this is unreasonable.

ikeptgoing you are spot on. I am sure all the MNetters who are fine doing this are decent honest people, but there are plenty of not-so-nice people who sniff a bargain. I would always use an estate agent: they can check affordability and get the best price for you.

Very normal round my area. Don't worry about it .
The bit I find cheeky is the arsewipes who send me bungalows to look at with estate agent details . I am pretty sure some of mine are not individuals who like the house I think some of mine are sneaky agents pretending to be otherwise

OMG! How awful especially when we consider that your DP's hadn't even thought of selling and this may plant that seed and they may decide that as there is so much interest in their property now would be a good time ...... They would probably themselves then down size to a smaller and cheaper property and spend the difference! What a hit that would be to your inheritance! Stop them at all cost!
(Those who don't get sarcasm need not reply :-)

@Kristof

OMG! How awful especially when we consider that your DP's hadn't even thought of selling and this may plant that seed and they may decide that as there is so much interest in their property now would be a good time ...... They would probably themselves then down size to a smaller and cheaper property and spend the difference! What a hit that would be to your inheritance! Stop them at all cost! (Those who don't get sarcasm need not reply :-)

Oh, congratulations. That's a despicable new low.

Obviously you don't know me lol
Honesty is often seen as low but we are all entitled to our opinion and our views. Motives are often obscured behind supposed good intent and it just takes a different viewing angle to see them

I know you by your words. They may be an honest projection of your own avarice and foul attitude. Lol.

@TeaAndStrumpets

ikeptgoing you are spot on. I am sure all the MNetters who are fine doing this are decent honest people, but there are plenty of not-so-nice people who sniff a bargain. I would always use an estate agent: they can check affordability and get the best price for you.

And there was me thinking it was lender's, bank etc that check affordability. Estate agents just check you have the ability to buy, cash, house to sell, agreement in principle etc

@milkyaqua

I know you by your words. They may be an honest projection of your own avarice and foul attitude. Lol.

Remember I said peoples motives are often hidden behind good intent......... That's a lot of good intent your projecting there

Me, I'm just honest, nothing to hide

@Kristof

OMG! How awful especially when we consider that your DP's hadn't even thought of selling and this may plant that seed and they may decide that as there is so much interest in their property now would be a good time ...... They would probably themselves then down size to a smaller and cheaper property and spend the difference! What a hit that would be to your inheritance! Stop them at all cost! (Those who don't get sarcasm need not reply :-)

I absolutely would rather have my parents than any amount of money, and I’m pretty sure most people would feel the same. Far more important to me is that they stay for as long as they want in the house that they built. DM is actually not comfortable travelling for more than 30 minutes in a car now, and they have had to pull out of family events that would mean a longer journey. A house move would be out of the question for them. So I take your comment as unnecessary and unkind.

Umm, have reviewed my post and nope, I don't see Anywhere that I said you would prefer money to parents..... Or anywhere that I said that you wouldn't prefer your parents to any about of money. At this rate you have both until they sadly pass as everyone inevitably does.
You perceive that I said something that I didn't. Perhaps something subconscious makes you react that way? I find that a lot when I strike a nerve

My parents received no end of similar letters. Zero offence taken. My mum described it as flattering. I don't think it requires any thought beyond that really.

@Kristof

Umm, have reviewed my post and nope, I don't see Anywhere that I said you would prefer money to parents..... Or anywhere that I said that you wouldn't prefer your parents to any about of money. At this rate you have both until they sadly pass as everyone inevitably does. You perceive that I said something that I didn't. Perhaps something subconscious makes you react that way? I find that a lot when I strike a nerve

You may find that when you say things that are unpleasant and unnecessary, you’ll get a reaction. It’s probably the reason you say these things - what other reason could there be?

I see that you’ve been called out on this by someone else. So I’m probably not alone in thinking that you are actually seeking attention by saying these things, and that a reaction will give you a feeling of justification. And denying that you said anything unkind or that you meant your comment to be read the way that both I and the other person read it, give you the rights to be indignant.

But you DID mean to be unkind, or you wouldn’t have made the comment about sarcasm.

Your brand of comment does not warrant any more of my time. I hope you learn at some point that nastiness and sarcasm will only lead to you being a lonely person in your old age.

Lol ..... Called out? Hmmmm I think you need to look at the votes to see that you over reacted to the initial approach and most people agree there was no reason for it....
So, given that based on the obvious most think there is no reason for your reaction that only leaves the fact that there is a reason less obvious , a subconscious reason as I said.
I do tend to know what I say and why I say it so it's odd that you choose to assume that I meant to be unkind when in fact I was just being honest with my observation of the presented facts ..... Presented by yourself.
I have no motive, no possible gain or loss besides my honest assessment of what you said, if you think I just meant to be unkind then that is your prerogative....... We are all entitled to our opinion and or views ........ Its just a shame that when some ask other for theirs publicly they don't like what they are told

"It also felt a bit like they were being watched."

Geez, I really think you are looking into this far too deeply. I've had quite a few of those over the years. I just bin them. I certainly have never jumped to the conclusion that I'm being watched. Sorry, but that sounds a tad paranoid.

Thank you everyone who took the time to read and comment on my post. I realise it has attracted a lot of responses, so some people may have missed that I conceded quite early on that I hadn’t realised that these notes were quite common, and that therefore my reaction was probably a bit out of proportion.
I’ve commented a couple of times since that I probably wouldn’t have thought so much into it had there not been a lot of detail in the note that was sent - if anyone had thought I was arguing the point, I can assure you this wasn’t the case. I was commenting on how it had changed my perception of the writer’s intention. It’s been a long discussion, so I can understand that this might not have been clear.
Thank you, everyone who wished DM well. Good wishes from strangers are much appreciated.

I think the issue here is that the note has (rightly or wrongly) creeped out the OP's father.

A few years ago the estate agents were getting quite pushy - one put a "please will you sell your house through us" ad with mocked up pictures of our house on it. That creeped me out but a bunch of people on here said that I was being too sensitive.

I've heard of people (who live in an area with a lot of tourism) put up a "NOT for sale" sign because they got so fed up with people asking.

The note can go in the bin.

I would take it as a compliment. Albeit a tone deaf one. I would respond and say “many thanks, we’re not planning on selling, if ever we do - you’ll be the first to know”. Life can change on the flip of a coin. In the grand scheme of things I admire people who shoot their shot. Those who never ask never get.

Ikeptgoing . It wasn’t so much the fact that a note was sent, but more the way it was written - it came across as saying that DPs house would be more convenient for them, and it was a bit full-on. If they’d said “we like your house - if you ever wish to sell it we’d love to be considered” I think it would have come across better. But it went into details like the number of floors in their current house, how they’d like “less stairs”, how it would be better not to involve an estate agent, how “of course we’d pay you the market value” and that made it into something else.*

It sounds too much in that letter they posted, as a simple note 'if they ever wanted to sell' as OP suggested , OP said they would have been fine. It was the tmi and contents of note that was too much.

Yep, the note seems to have shown signs of being coercive and targetting older people, and many posters are being niaive in the extreme to think that people don't do that.

@SucculentChalice
You had a bold fail in the first paragraph you quoted me quoting OP on, but Thankyou

Your comment ** is the gut suspicion I think OP is reacting to

Yep, the note seems to have shown signs of being coercive and targetting older people, and many posters are being niaive in the extreme to think that people don't do that.

It does happen. It's difficult to know without reading the full letter, but either way, it wasn't a simple polite note, it was an intrusive persuasive one that was uncomfortable to receive. So whilst many of us say it is normal (including me) to get notes from private buyers asking to contact them if ever want to sell property, that's different to what a few individuals do and what seems to be this note from that couple.

Older people of a very good age can be targeted , not just by big unscrupulous developers, but also by other people in community on hunt for a bargain, to sell their house for less than its actual value as 'it'll be less stressful not to go through EAs' (who would tell person actual market value of their home)

A polite enquiry was fine but an intrusive letter like it sounds this one was, has slightly creeped OP out. PPs saying OP is 'overly anxious' and 'should seek help for that', have not RTFT properly nor understood.

If they get further contact from this couple I would step in as DD and say 'my parents have no intention of selling their property, please stop asking them'

Every time we get letters like this DH puts on a super villain voice and says 'we will sell for one billion pounds' (obviously just to me, we just pop them in the recycling and don't follow up).

Letters like this are really common and often encouraged. If we got one and were considering selling I'd probably still use an agent but try to negotiate a lower fee based on already having one interested party. A good estate agent can often more than cover their fee by getting a higher price for the house. Our last house went for £21k over highest valuation so even with a £5k fee it was worth it.

One house in our street went on the market after the old lady went to live with family. A neighbour had already offered to buy the house for what he considered market value and was most put out that they insisted on listing it with an agent. It was listed for £25k over what he'd offered and sold for over £100k above his offer. The son had to put up with the neighbour's sulks and explain that as much as he liked the neighbour he wasn't going to effectively hand him £100k of his DM's money by selling the house for a cheaper price.

@perenniallymessy at your DH !!

Also that's a very good example of how these private enquiries to buy from nearby neighbours can go... when using an EA can be worth their weight in gold in a sellers market (which it is at the moment).

In general (not aimed at poster above who "got it") , the summary is that this couple's letter said they wanted to downsize- yet IRL their own property is worth same in value as OPs parents bungalow (which they don't want to sell anyway) as OP looked it up AND that It was the content of the letter (not that it was a gentle enquiry or they ever wanted to sell) that slightly disconcerted OP.

I would feel same if someone uninvited put a letter through my door that commented so much in detail on how much it would instead suit them and why. It's not their bungalow and they don't even know if OPs parents are even thinking about selling it!! (They aren't) and i get several hand delivered enquiry letters a year asking me to contact people if I ever wish to sell (but no weird ones so far!)