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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cheeky request to buy parents house - AIBU?

585 replies

SewingMum46 · 11/04/2022 07:03

My DPs still live in the same house they built when first married in the 60s. It’s in quite a nice area and because DF is an amazing gardener has a lovely garden which can be seen through the gate. It’s split level so although DM has some mobility problems and is quite frail, it still works for them. They’d only leave if something happened to one of them.
They got a card through the door last week with a message that basically said this couple who live in a very posh house up a very posh street nearby want to downsize because their kids have left home, so please would they consider selling their house to them? It included something along the lines of “Of course we’d pay full market value but it would be good to avoid those annoying estate agents fees”. It was handwritten with the name and address of the couple.
I feel it’s a bit cheeky and tbh on the verge of being entitled. DPs don’t know these people at all - they said in the card they’ve “always thought the house is lovely” and now they’ve decided it would suit them better as their “current property is on 4 floors”.
DF hasn’t shown the card to DM. I told him to ignore it but hold onto it. He’s adamant that if he sold to them it would be above market value, but he doesn’t want to sell - it would be up to DB and me to sell the house after they are gone.
What would you feel if this happened to your DPs? I find it really upsetting.

OP posts:
HELLITHURT · 11/04/2022 07:26

@SewingMum46

Maybe I should have mentioned DM has been suffering from cancer and is very frail, DF is her carer and very independent. It almost feels like they’ve seen them and thought “they’ll be going into a home soon”. Of course it’s not unreasonable to think a house is lovely and wish it were yours, but wouldn’t you wait for a “For Sale” sign to go up?
Irrelevant and I'm sure not what they're thinking!
Findingneeemo · 11/04/2022 07:26

You may find they have popped notes through several doors. I doubt they are watching your parents. They may have walked round the area and noted the houses they like and then posted notes. The information about their situation is so you know it is genuine and not one of these ‘we want to buy your house at half the market value’ people.

There would be nothing stopping an agent being instructed if a home owner wanted to sell, as the seller pays the fees. Also regarding market value, there would be nothing stopping a home owner getting a valuation or three via estate agents or paying for a surveyor.

Normal behaviour in this market (and previous markets).

Hercisback · 11/04/2022 07:27

They may never have actually seen your parents, just like like the look of the house. You're over thinking this a lot.

Do you always over think stuff or is there a back story here?

MrsMigginsCat · 11/04/2022 07:28

In the nicest possible way OP, you are definitely overreacting. I'd take it as a compliment, especially if your parents' house is as nice as it sounds.

uggmum · 11/04/2022 07:28

I get these sort of notes through the door on a regular basis.
Some from individuals and some from Estate Agents.
Just ignore it, put it in the bin.

I don't understand why you are getting so het up by it.

MissDollyMix · 11/04/2022 07:30

I doubt the note writers even know who your parents are, let alone are sitting and spying on them as you imply. It’s a really common practice and as others have said, the note will be a generic one that they will have posted through other doors in the area. It’s a method that often works. A lot of houses in our village get sold without ever making it onto the open market.
My DM’s next door neighbour actually used to harass her on a frequent basis, saying things like “why do you need that big house?” And “I think I should buy your house because it’s bigger than mine” now that was rude! Ironically her next door neighbour was only a couple of years younger than her!

DockOTheBay · 11/04/2022 07:30

If they wait for the sign to go up, they/your parents will have to pay estate agent fees. Also many houses sell before the for sale sign goes up.
I think you're taking it too personally because of your mums situation. Nobody is assuming they can buy a house, they're asking if they can. If they can't, no problem. But if your parents were considering moving, as many people are at any one time, they might decide to if they can sell to an interested buyer directly without involving estate agents (who do next to nothing and charge a lot IME)

ThettaReddast · 11/04/2022 07:30

It’s a completely normal, and often advised, thing to do. Chances are they’ve sent similar notes to other properties. They’re not watching or targeting your parents.

groovergirl · 11/04/2022 07:31

Of course it’s not unreasonable to think a house is lovely and wish it were yours, but wouldn’t you wait for a “For Sale” sign to go up?

No. If you really are keen on a particular house, it's smart to try to buy it off-market. You don't want other buyers competing with you. And you need to offer a sum big enough to deter the owners from going to a public sale campaign. My NDN received an offer like this. The prospective buyer desperately wants that house and NDN is now doing his due diligence, asking a few agents for their opinion on the market value.

Holly60 · 11/04/2022 07:31

Bless you, it’s totally a thing. Your poor parents have been over thinking it. Reassure them it’s not unusual.

MissDollyMix · 11/04/2022 07:31

I should add that I would be delighted if anyone put a note like this through my door. Our house isn’t on the market but we’d definitely consider it if the right offer came along.

Fizbosshoes · 11/04/2022 07:31

Evening its only your parents house (it might be different/'nicer than their neighbours) it still doesn't mean they are being watched or the person knows about their age/frailty/situation.
If the letter had said

"I can see you're getting on in years, and I imagine will be off to a bungalow or carehome soon so I'd like to be first in the queue to buy your house" that would be cheeky, but making generic enquiries really isn't.

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 11/04/2022 07:32

You sound ridiculous. I’m sorry your mum is unwell but honestly totally overthinking this’

TurningUpMyStereotype · 11/04/2022 07:32

Your reaction is ridiculously OTT. Its something people do and they sometimes end up buying the house. Often potential buyers contact multiple owners. Your parents can just ignore it.

Original poster
SewingMum46 · 11/04/2022 07:32

Thanks all for setting me straight. Obvs I’m a bit protective of DPs. They’ve been through a lot in the last year and this felt like someone expecting them to downsize. If it’s normal that’s fine - just that whilst we get estate agents cards we’ve never had a handwritten card with such detail before.

OP posts:
InFiveMins · 11/04/2022 07:34

You're completely overreacting. Loads of people do this. If your parents aren't interested in selling just bin the note.

lollipoprainbow · 11/04/2022 07:34

Get a grip. This wouldn't upset me I'd just be grateful I still had my parents and living in a lovely house and garden too.

tomatorich112 · 11/04/2022 07:35

I get several of these per year. If I was overreacting like you, I would have freaked out after my divorce and though people were watching me...

I also have a lovely garden plus I live in an area where people usually only sell due to death or divorce, it's a compliment. stop worrying.

Moodycow78 · 11/04/2022 07:35

@SewingMum46

My DPs still live in the same house they built when first married in the 60s. It’s in quite a nice area and because DF is an amazing gardener has a lovely garden which can be seen through the gate. It’s split level so although DM has some mobility problems and is quite frail, it still works for them. They’d only leave if something happened to one of them. They got a card through the door last week with a message that basically said this couple who live in a very posh house up a very posh street nearby want to downsize because their kids have left home, so please would they consider selling their house to them? It included something along the lines of “Of course we’d pay full market value but it would be good to avoid those annoying estate agents fees”. It was handwritten with the name and address of the couple. I feel it’s a bit cheeky and tbh on the verge of being entitled. DPs don’t know these people at all - they said in the card they’ve “always thought the house is lovely” and now they’ve decided it would suit them better as their “current property is on 4 floors”. DF hasn’t shown the card to DM. I told him to ignore it but hold onto it. He’s adamant that if he sold to them it would be above market value, but he doesn’t want to sell - it would be up to DB and me to sell the house after they are gone. What would you feel if this happened to your DPs? I find it really upsetting.
I don't think it's a money/entitled thing and I wouldn't be annoyed by it, we get them all the time and we live in a modest priced, small, 3 bed semi, it's just in a nice area where homes don't come up often. Lots of people choose an area they like and put speculative notes through IMO, it does help cut a lot of costs, can't see why you're upset, they're not forcing your parents to sell, just asking if they might consider it.
Sugarplumfairy65 · 11/04/2022 07:36

I don't understand what the problem is. People have been doing this for donkeys years.
Estate agents do it too. We must get at least one per month.
Your parents should be taking it as a compliment

Flickflak · 11/04/2022 07:36

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Doris86 · 11/04/2022 07:36

I don’t see anything cheeky about it. They are free to ask , and your parents are free to accept, decline or ignore.

TillyTopper · 11/04/2022 07:37

I'd just tuck the card away in case they want to move at some stage - then you might have a sale without an agent to someone who really wants it. But obviously there is no pressure to do anything. Your DPs are happy there so all good.

Having just taken a year to sell my DP's property after my DDad died (due to legal complications) I can only see the benefit in this!

needmorethanthis · 11/04/2022 07:38

You are massively over reacting. We get one of these through the doors per week! It’s really difficult to find a good house these days. The advice is to door knock on the street you want to live.

Sciurus83 · 11/04/2022 07:38

You're adding way way more to this than needs to be. The people just said they liked the house and are enquiring if it would ever be for sale. My parents bought 2 houses this way. It was never about a weird judgment on your parents health or that they SHOULD be selling or anything, you're the one saying those things not the people who wrote this perfectly reasonable polite note

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