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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cheeky request to buy parents house - AIBU?

585 replies

SewingMum46 · 11/04/2022 07:03

My DPs still live in the same house they built when first married in the 60s. It’s in quite a nice area and because DF is an amazing gardener has a lovely garden which can be seen through the gate. It’s split level so although DM has some mobility problems and is quite frail, it still works for them. They’d only leave if something happened to one of them.
They got a card through the door last week with a message that basically said this couple who live in a very posh house up a very posh street nearby want to downsize because their kids have left home, so please would they consider selling their house to them? It included something along the lines of “Of course we’d pay full market value but it would be good to avoid those annoying estate agents fees”. It was handwritten with the name and address of the couple.
I feel it’s a bit cheeky and tbh on the verge of being entitled. DPs don’t know these people at all - they said in the card they’ve “always thought the house is lovely” and now they’ve decided it would suit them better as their “current property is on 4 floors”.
DF hasn’t shown the card to DM. I told him to ignore it but hold onto it. He’s adamant that if he sold to them it would be above market value, but he doesn’t want to sell - it would be up to DB and me to sell the house after they are gone.
What would you feel if this happened to your DPs? I find it really upsetting.

OP posts:
LowlandLucky · 12/04/2022 20:30

You can't be shot for asking and that is all their doing.

StopStartStop · 12/04/2022 20:36

It's normal! If you want a particular house, you put a letter through the door asking if they're willing to sell, or will they keep you in mind if they decide to sell later.

I can imagine that if you're vulnerable, it might seem a bit over the top. Your Dparents just need reassuring.

Booboobagins · 12/04/2022 20:39

Def take a chill pill. What a complement!

I'd personally thank them for their interest but in no uncertain terms confirm I'm not leaving.

They can then go look at another property.

Realitea · 12/04/2022 20:41

This happened to my parents when I was a kid. Suddenly there was a man at the door who said he’d just won the lottery and wanted our house. I didn’t want to move house, yet my dad took the money and we all left!

DanceItOut · 12/04/2022 20:53

If they don’t want to sell then it’s a non issue. You or your DF might want to write a quick note saying “sorry I’m afraid we have no intention of selling any time soon” just so that they know for definite that they don’t want to sell and don’t send another note or knock the door etc. but that’s really all there is to it.

Zoejj77 · 12/04/2022 21:03

This is very common don’t worry about it. At least they know their property is desirable when they choose to sell

mjf981 · 12/04/2022 21:05

I don’t see anything wrong with the note. Just toss it in the bin and forget about it.

However, I do understand how you feel a bit. You’re worried that the
prospective buyers have eyed up your aged parents and thought ‘well they’re past it now and about to shove on into a nursing home, I’ll try and land their house before someone else does.’

luckylavender · 12/04/2022 21:15

It's a bog standard thing to do

Femalewoman · 12/04/2022 21:24

Wow - if that's a problem then lucky you.

SnozPoz · 12/04/2022 21:27

Not at all cheeky. I'd reply honestly but politely that they have no intention of moving from their long term family home, but keep hold of the details in case in the future something changes. It's a compliment. Relax.

WorkCleanRepeat · 12/04/2022 21:27

I dont think its cheeky or entitled. Your reaction is OTT

SquirrelG · 12/04/2022 21:32

It's not uncommon for people to do this. If your DPs aren't interested then they don't have to do anything at all. It's hardly something to get worked up about Confused

Itsabeautifuldaytosavelives123 · 12/04/2022 21:33

Just posting to say that I've never heard of this happening, so can totally understand why you'd question it. Glad to hear it's not uncommon and hopefully will help you feel a bit more at ease about ignoring it.

a1poshpaws · 12/04/2022 21:37

I'm obviously very out of the swarm - I'd have been annoyed and felt uneasy if I'd got that note. I think I'd also have found the "downsizing" comment a bit insulting!

August1980 · 12/04/2022 21:39

@FAQs

Op, am I overreacting? Everyone, Yes Op, I’ll keep adding bits because I disagree. Everyone, You are still overreacting.
This exactly….
buckeejit · 12/04/2022 21:41

Just forget about it or text & say thanks well let you know if we consider selling. It can still go on the market & they can bid. I highly doubt they've been watched.

SW1amp · 12/04/2022 21:55

@a1poshpaws

I'm obviously very out of the swarm - I'd have been annoyed and felt uneasy if I'd got that note. I think I'd also have found the "downsizing" comment a bit insulting!
Really? I read the ‘downsizing’ thing to be a subtle way of saying ‘even though it’s a 60s house on a big plot, we want it as it is, not because we want to knock it down and put 4 houses in its place’
SpinMeRightRoundBabyRightRound · 12/04/2022 21:56

@Femalewoman

Wow - if that's a problem then lucky you.
That’s rather insensitive considering the OP’s mum has cancer.

Sometimes it’s the straw that breaks the camels back. If OP’s parents weren’t in their current situation they could probably all laugh it off.

Blueskybird · 12/04/2022 22:08

It’s the old saying if you don’t ask you don’t get! I don’t think it’s cheeky at all and can’t really see why it offends you so much. Sounds like The couple have just always really liked the house and admire it so much they want it - hats off to your parents hard work!

Thumpkin · 12/04/2022 22:09

This is a very odd thing to be offended about. I sold my house to someone who put a card through my door well over a year earlier. I kept their details for when the time came. It’s not a demand, it’s letting them know there is interest and no need to pay estate agency fees should they choose to sell, so how exactly is it entitled?

Organictangerine · 12/04/2022 22:13

YABU! I would read it, make a mental note and probably reply saying I’m not thinking about selling now but would let them know if I changed my mind.

How on Earth are they entitled?! They offered market rate for goodness sake. And even if they didn’t, it still wouldn’t be ‘entitled’ as it’s an offer Confused which your parents are free to decline, or even ignore.

I’m sorry but you need to get out more if you find that ‘upsetting’.

wentworthinmate · 12/04/2022 22:28

You are so over reacting!! Take it as a compliment and move on. It would take nothing to reply politely with a refusal. Why can’t you tell your mother. The people are not bailiffs and can’t force them to sell. I would have laughed it off and maybe even gone back to them with a ridiculous price just to see their reaction.

cazba26 · 12/04/2022 22:36

I don't really see anything wrong with what they have done but I could see the harm it could cause if it was sent to an older person that didn't know any better and was easily taken advantage of with no family around to consult.

Maybe you could ring this couple and say thanks for the lovely note, I deal with my parents affairs and they are not looking to sell at this time but will keep you in mind if we change our minds.

Organictangerine · 12/04/2022 22:38

In hindsight I think this stems from your fear of your parents dying, OP. The offer is just a symbol of things moving on and you want things to stay the same.

stevalnamechanger · 12/04/2022 22:39

Very odd reaction .

Totally normal . My friends just acquired an off market property from doing exactly this :) saves everyone thousands