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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cheeky request to buy parents house - AIBU?

585 replies

SewingMum46 · 11/04/2022 07:03

My DPs still live in the same house they built when first married in the 60s. It’s in quite a nice area and because DF is an amazing gardener has a lovely garden which can be seen through the gate. It’s split level so although DM has some mobility problems and is quite frail, it still works for them. They’d only leave if something happened to one of them.
They got a card through the door last week with a message that basically said this couple who live in a very posh house up a very posh street nearby want to downsize because their kids have left home, so please would they consider selling their house to them? It included something along the lines of “Of course we’d pay full market value but it would be good to avoid those annoying estate agents fees”. It was handwritten with the name and address of the couple.
I feel it’s a bit cheeky and tbh on the verge of being entitled. DPs don’t know these people at all - they said in the card they’ve “always thought the house is lovely” and now they’ve decided it would suit them better as their “current property is on 4 floors”.
DF hasn’t shown the card to DM. I told him to ignore it but hold onto it. He’s adamant that if he sold to them it would be above market value, but he doesn’t want to sell - it would be up to DB and me to sell the house after they are gone.
What would you feel if this happened to your DPs? I find it really upsetting.

OP posts:
Ericaequites · 12/04/2022 19:15

It is incredibly rude, and will soon be illegal in my American state. Woukd they jump in my grave so fast?

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 12/04/2022 19:15

[quote LuluBlakey1]@ZoyaTheDestroyer 'littlies', 'really, really', lots of lovely/love, twee.[/quote]
How misanthropic.

squooz · 12/04/2022 19:18

Well I’m in a minority here as I said yanbu but because we had a card posted through my dads door on the day of his funeral saying something very similar - it was the timing that hurt but when I calmed down I actually went to see the lady who was very nice and it worked out although I’m sure we undersold! We also had a 6 month saga of a neighbour trying to buy the top of dads garden to build a dormer bungalow for their elderly mother who was a friend of dads so he almost caved in! Reading the other comments I’d maybe agree that although I can understand why it’s upsetting maybe just take it as a compliment to how well they look after their property.

bellsbuss · 12/04/2022 19:22

We get this all the time as our road is in the the small catchment area for an outstanding school. Houses very rarely come on the market so I can understand why people pop letters through our door. I don't take offence

TonTonMacoute · 12/04/2022 19:23

Agree you are over-reacting.

My parents were planning to sell their house, in a very desirable area, when someone knocked on the door asking if they wanted to sell it. It worked out perfectly.

Your parents received a nice handwritten note, if they don't want to sell they just decline. No need to take offence.

dropoutdoreen · 12/04/2022 19:24

Hey, dont ask, dont get!

Phil and Kirsty do it

The housing market is a tough place. Don't take offence. Be flattered

Notmrsfitz · 12/04/2022 19:24

My partners nephew and wife found their perfect house doing this - it meant the couple who had become empty nesters could realise their dream and move into the city and release some cash to help their children through uni !
I think if someone is thinking of selling and gets this kind of offer it’s an ideal way to avoid unnecessary fees and might just give someone the push to follow their dream.

I’d take it as a huge compliment if it were my parents home.

dropoutdoreen · 12/04/2022 19:25

They probably put one in every house on the street

I have my heart set on a particular streer and think I'll do this when im ready to
Move

godmum56 · 12/04/2022 19:25

@Ericaequites

It is incredibly rude, and will soon be illegal in my American state. Woukd they jump in my grave so fast?
that's ridiculous and irrelevant
Butterfly44 · 12/04/2022 19:26

I don't think your overacting. I had no idea it was a thing either. Same as you you we estate agent leaflets but never a handwritten letter. They obviously took the time to write and post through and you've no idea if they just did the one or many houses.
But you also are aware of your DP circumstances, you would think less if it if you got one through your own door.
I suppose be comforted that it seems by this thread to be very common and they could have put the same bite though several other houses Smile

godmum56 · 12/04/2022 19:27

PS I am not sure how (or what) will become illegal?

Blimecory · 12/04/2022 19:28

Surely the estate agent ones are absolutely standard. We get several a week from estate agents. Ones from private sellers are much less standard but fine. I wouldn’t think anything of it.

ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 12/04/2022 19:29

Nothing wrong with it and to be honest YABU and a bit precious. As previous posters have said this is quite common and lots of people prefer this way rather than bother with estate agents, viewings etc.

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 12/04/2022 19:33

Why on earth would you dad think he would sell for more than it’s worth?

Cameleongirl · 12/04/2022 19:36

Slightly different, but we bought our house during a “hot” market and our estate agent advised us to add a personal note explaining that we were a young family looking forward to raising our children there. It swung the bidding, the owners accepted our offer, rather than a slightly higher one from someone who wanted to rent it out. They’d raised their family there and liked the idea of it remaining a family home.

noodiedoodie · 12/04/2022 19:37

what a strange reaction. We sold our house in London to people who had put a note through the door. it was a really straightforward and stress-free transaction and it was bloody brilliant to avoid incompetent estate agents and their fees. We've never regretted it since.

Mandyjack · 12/04/2022 19:40

Lots of people do this on the off chance if they really like a house as you never know if the owners are thinking of selling. Don't be offended by it, if anything it's a compliment to them. If you don't want your DM to know get rid of the card.

NewYorkCityDreamer · 12/04/2022 19:43

Definitely massively overreacting!!
It’s the same as popping in somewhere and asking if there are any jobs going and dropping off a CV

Nanny0gg · 12/04/2022 19:49

@SewingMum46

Maybe I should have mentioned DM has been suffering from cancer and is very frail, DF is her carer and very independent. It almost feels like they’ve seen them and thought “they’ll be going into a home soon”. Of course it’s not unreasonable to think a house is lovely and wish it were yours, but wouldn’t you wait for a “For Sale” sign to go up?
I highly doubt they know about your mother's health

It really is a perfectly normal thing to do

Happyhappyday · 12/04/2022 19:53

OP this is super common where I live. Houses are very scarcely on the market (turn over roughly every 15 years) and people just want to live in the neighborhood. TBH there are houses nearby I love and I have considered putting a similar card through the door. I know literally nothing about the people who live there. Pay market value but no estate agent fees just makes sense for everyone IF you want to sell. If not say no, not planning on moving, please don’t ask again. Or say nothing.

Nanny0gg · 12/04/2022 19:56

@JenniferAlisonPhilipaSue

it doesn't happen as much up here in Scotland, although we did get one a few years ago so it does seem to be increasingly a thing. Interestingly, its those who have moved here from England who seem to be doing it (our area attracts some military families).

I agree with the OP that it is rude.

Why is it rude?

A polite question is all.

impossible · 12/04/2022 20:00

Just wanted to add - don't worry about this. We've had quite a few of these letters, some from estate agents and some from would be buyers who want to live in our street. I imagine if we felt vulnerable (as you do about your parents) we might interpret these as painful or alarming but they really are common.

It sounds as though your DPs' garden in particular is lovely. Don't let them take the letter personally but do keep enjoying the garden.

lisaandalan · 12/04/2022 20:08

If you don't ask you don't get, they're not doing anything wrong just being upfront and honest. X

tryinghardnottocry · 12/04/2022 20:10

Because it was handwritten it implies some effort has been put into the note unlike an estate agent's flier

It has of course reminded you that sometime, possibly not too far away, the trauma of your parents having to move from a house which means so much to them. This I can understand has upset you, but don't shoot the messenger

Bunnycat101 · 12/04/2022 20:19

We sold our flat due to a speculative note through the door. It is much more common than you might think. We get loads from developers wanting to buy our house.

I think there is more emotion rapped up in this one as you’ve taken a meaning of your parents need to downsize which will be tinged with a bit more emotion whereas the people are probably just really keen on the house. In they’re in a highly desirable area properties don’t often hit the open market.

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