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Original poster

SIL being a CF?

132 replies

Shinyballs · 09/04/2022 20:51

My children play a popular online game with their cousin. They pay for a server out of their own money so they can play with close friends and cousins without me worrying about strangers. My ex-SIL has asked that they stop playing with their cousin at 8 pm as he needs to get to bed. I agreed as I would like my younger son to start getting ready for bed at that time as well. However, this apparently means that after 8pm, my children have to stop playing online as well, and if they continue playing with each other after 8. (weekends for example or holidays) then it is UNFAIR and I am not sticking to the rules. It is possible for my nephew to tell if they have played after a certain time the next time he logs on somehow. One of my children is significantly older and doesn't go to bed at 8.

This is one of many disagreements I am currently having with my ex-SIL about online gaming. I am happy to ask my children to stop playing online with their cousin to help get him to bed at a decent time, but I don't see why this rule extends to what happens in my house after this time. She has also decided that it is not fair that my children play online together when her son can't. There is a lot of context obviously but the bare bones is that my children pay for this space out of their own pocket money, why should she try to control when they can and can't access it.

OP posts:
Aimee1987 · 09/04/2022 20:54

Tell her what you've said her.
Josh is 14 he doesnt go to bed at 8 o clock and I'm not stopping him playing with something he pays for because his cousin needs to go to bed.

greyspottedgoose · 09/04/2022 20:55

You can't reason with crazy, ignore all communication about the game

Fimofriend · 09/04/2022 20:56

You are right. She has no right to dictate the rules in your home

Georgeskitchen · 09/04/2022 20:56

She is definitely a CF. Why does she think she can dictate what your sons do in their own home with their own equipment? Tell her to shove it

Hoppinggreen · 09/04/2022 20:56

This sounds like the kind of crazy shit my SIL would say if I still spoke to her

lemongreentea · 09/04/2022 20:57

Did you son pay for the server completey or did his cousin/sil chip in at all?

dfendyr · 09/04/2022 20:58

Hah

andysgirl22 · 09/04/2022 20:58

I think that's well controlling. Basically your children cant be free to play together without heir cousin?!! That's like something a coercive controller would enforce. They aren't leaving the cousin out, they aren't relating him getting to bed. What business is it of cousins or Sil when they play or go to bed?!!! Jeezo

andysgirl22 · 09/04/2022 20:59

Aren't delaying him

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 09/04/2022 20:59

Check the settings there is often a way to appear “offline” (don’t ask me how I’m just aware my son’s do it). Other than that don’t even entertain her request be firm now that what your kids do online at what time is not her concern. You don’t have to even justify it.

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 09/04/2022 21:01

Also if it’s Xbox you can adjust settings so only certain people can see your online.

Thelnebriati · 09/04/2022 21:01

Just double check that your older son hasn't got his cousins to chip in for the cost.

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 09/04/2022 21:01

You’re

Beercrispsandnuts · 09/04/2022 21:02

So why did you agree?

gamerchick · 09/04/2022 21:03

Tell her to jog on and carry on with what you're doing. What exactly is she going to do?

Original poster
Shinyballs · 09/04/2022 21:05

Ah thank you. I thought I was going mad. No only my son pays for it out of his pocket money, It isn't an Xbox so we are not sure how to make it so cousin can't tell if they have been 'playing behind is back'. This is only one of the 'unusual' requests we have from her. It is starting to become a huge problem.

OP posts:
PutinIsAWarCriminal · 09/04/2022 21:05

Just don't engage.

Original poster
Shinyballs · 09/04/2022 21:05

@Beercrispsandnuts

So why did you agree?
I haven't.
OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 09/04/2022 21:07

I think she's moved beyond CF territory into massively controlling.

Chloemol · 09/04/2022 21:08

Just tell her what happens in your house is down to you, not her

Original poster
Shinyballs · 09/04/2022 21:09

So far both my kids come off around that time anyway during the week but I can quite see it becoming a big problem over the Easter holidays. My SIL is very good at seeming to be reasonable and fair but I feel she is treating my children as two separate kids and not siblings in the same house who share a common interest.

OP posts:
Beercrispsandnuts · 09/04/2022 21:10

I agreed as I would like my younger son to start getting ready for bed at that time as well

Ok, sure you didn’t agree, but you can see why I would think you had? Only because you’d literally written it?

Original poster
Shinyballs · 09/04/2022 21:10

@Thelnebriati

I think she's moved beyond CF territory into massively controlling.
Actually this is the least concerning request she has made.
OP posts:
JaniceBattersby · 09/04/2022 21:11

I’d literally just ignore this kind of bullshit. Nothing you say is going to appease her. Just ignore her.

Totalwasteofpaper · 09/04/2022 21:12

She's nuts. She cant parent her child properly.so wants you to help do it for her.
"Mean Aunty Shinyballs turns off the server at 8 so now you have to go to bed" Hmm

Tell her to pay for her own server for her kid and they can invite yours to their server to play.
The ahe can dictate what she likes on the second server THAT SHE ACTUALLY PAYS FOR