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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

SIL being a CF?

132 replies

Shinyballs · 09/04/2022 20:51

My children play a popular online game with their cousin. They pay for a server out of their own money so they can play with close friends and cousins without me worrying about strangers. My ex-SIL has asked that they stop playing with their cousin at 8 pm as he needs to get to bed. I agreed as I would like my younger son to start getting ready for bed at that time as well. However, this apparently means that after 8pm, my children have to stop playing online as well, and if they continue playing with each other after 8. (weekends for example or holidays) then it is UNFAIR and I am not sticking to the rules. It is possible for my nephew to tell if they have played after a certain time the next time he logs on somehow. One of my children is significantly older and doesn't go to bed at 8.

This is one of many disagreements I am currently having with my ex-SIL about online gaming. I am happy to ask my children to stop playing online with their cousin to help get him to bed at a decent time, but I don't see why this rule extends to what happens in my house after this time. She has also decided that it is not fair that my children play online together when her son can't. There is a lot of context obviously but the bare bones is that my children pay for this space out of their own pocket money, why should she try to control when they can and can't access it.

OP posts:

Original poster

Shinyballs · 09/04/2022 21:12

@Beercrispsandnuts

I agreed as I would like my younger son to start getting ready for bed at that time as well

Ok, sure you didn’t agree, but you can see why I would think you had? Only because you’d literally written it?

I agreed they would stop playing with their cousin. I didn't realize this extended to both my children not being allowed to play with each other.

OP posts:

Original poster

Shinyballs · 09/04/2022 21:19

Thank you all. We have a list of rules the children should follow when they play together to avoid arguments etc. One of them is they can only play between certain times. I feel these rules apply to them playing with their cousins and not with each other. She obviously feels otherwise.

OP posts:

Beercrispsandnuts · 09/04/2022 21:19

Ok so maybe just make that clear to her. It’s hard to comprehend as you said you agreed as you wished to get your kid to bed?

Original poster

Shinyballs · 09/04/2022 21:21

@Beercrispsandnuts

Ok so maybe just make that clear to her. It’s hard to comprehend as you said you agreed as you wished to get your kid to bed?

Is it really hard to comprehend that I may have agreed to stop them playing with their cousin, but that this doesn't extend to what happens after 8 in my own home, on their own server? I am asking honestly because is a virtual space considered an extension of the home? New territory to me.

OP posts:

sophienelisse · 09/04/2022 21:23

Just tell her they are the rules for her house. Your rules are different because you have children of different ages.

And everytime she moans jsutvssyb"that doesn't work for my kids"

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 09/04/2022 21:23

If you've collectively come up with a list of rules that apply to the cousins and one of them is when they can play then I understand where she's coming from.

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 09/04/2022 21:25

@Beercrispsandnuts

Ok so maybe just make that clear to her. It’s hard to comprehend as you said you agreed as you wished to get your kid to bed?

It’s not hard to comprehend at all stop derailing the thread by nitpicking. Pedants corner is over that way 🙄

Hollywolly1 · 09/04/2022 21:25

It's up to her to manage her own children's gaming time not your's

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 09/04/2022 21:25

Sorry SIL-my boys are older and therefore stay up later. And they pay for this game themselves; I’m not going to stop them playing their game just to suit you.

DowntonCrabby · 09/04/2022 21:26

Massive CF, it’s up to her, in her own house to tell Jimmy it’s time to come off the game.

You are free to do as you wish in your own home. I wouldn’t even tell her you’re keen for your youngest to come off by that time too, it’s NOHB.

Beercrispsandnuts · 09/04/2022 21:26

Op yes, it’s hard to comprehend because you wrote you agreed as you wanted your kid to go to bed, this does not say you agreed as you,wanted your kid to stay up,playing with their sibling.

I suspect you know that.

Original poster

Shinyballs · 09/04/2022 21:27

@Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov

If you've collectively come up with a list of rules that apply to the cousins and one of them is when they can play then I understand where she's coming from.

Ok thank you. I think I have been railroaded into these rules without really considering the consequences. I honestly thought they were mainly for her son's benefit and that stopping play at 8pm meant they were to stop playing with their cousin, not stop playing entirely.

OP posts:

godmum56 · 09/04/2022 21:28

Its simple. She gets to parent her child, you get to parent yours.

Gardeningcreature · 09/04/2022 21:30

She needs to parent her own child not rely on others doing it.
Quite frankly I'd tell her to do one. Why on earth are you listening to this loon?

Beercrispsandnuts · 09/04/2022 21:30

honestly thought they were mainly for her son's benefit and that stopping play at 8pm meant they were to stop playing with their cousin, not stop playing entirely.

Ok so how does that work with you agreeing as you wanted yours to go t bed? I only ask as I don’t find gaming and stopping gaming to go to bed the same Thing.

NurseBernard · 09/04/2022 21:30

Is it really hard to comprehend that I may have agreed to stop them playing with their cousin, but that this doesn't extend to what happens after 8 in my own home, on their own server?

No, it’s not hard to comprehend at all, it’s completely obvious!

She’s being ridiculous.

I just wouldn’t engage. If she pushes it, just say, ‘look, you’re going to need to explain to [nephew] that different homes have different rules, especially when the children are older’.

This is not your problem. It’s her problem.

Original poster

Shinyballs · 09/04/2022 21:30

@Beercrispsandnuts

Op yes, it’s hard to comprehend because you wrote you agreed as you wanted your kid to go to bed, this does not say you agreed as you,wanted your kid to stay up,playing with their sibling.

I suspect you know that.

My ex-SIL has asked that they stop playing with their cousin at 8 pm as he needs to get to bed. I agreed.

That is what I agreed to. My older child is significantly older and would not be going to bed at 8.

OP posts:

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 09/04/2022 21:30

Even if you’ve initially agreed to a set of rules it’s fine to say actually these are too restrictive for mine so when they aren’t on with their cousin we’ll be following our own house rules. At the end of the day she’s not paying for the server so you could invite her to let her child play alone all the time if she carries on

NurseBernard · 09/04/2022 21:31

@Beercrispsandnuts

Op yes, it’s hard to comprehend because you wrote you agreed as you wanted your kid to go to bed, this does not say you agreed as you,wanted your kid to stay up,playing with their sibling.

I suspect you know that.

Believe me, it’s really only you struggling with it, @Beercrispsandnuts.

RandomMess · 09/04/2022 21:31

Honestly I would just say"no" to all these rules. She parents her DC as she wishes and you parent yours.

She wants her DC off games at 8pm so she sorts that out at her end, it's called being a parent!

Does she try and control all her DC friendships and family relationships in the same way?

Hertsgirl10 · 09/04/2022 21:32

Tell her to fuck off 😂

Lunalicious · 09/04/2022 21:33

If this is Minecraft and they are all working on a group-build I can see why the cousin is upset if your kids are working on their collaborative project without him. Can you encourage your kids to work on something else when he is offline and leave the group-build to when they are all available to participate?

Original poster

Shinyballs · 09/04/2022 21:35

Ok thank all. She comes off as so reasonable but when you actually breakdown her requests, they start to look pretty controlling. I agreed they would STOP playing with their cousin. I didn't agree that they would stop using their own server in their own home. Sometimes my older one can't sleep and likes to tend to their little farms or gets up early and uses it before school starts. Thank you all, I realized that she is being cheeky. It gets worse but not sure I have the patience to go into it at the moment as to be honest, I am worried she reads on here.

OP posts:

HeyArnoldHey · 09/04/2022 21:35

Tell her to get lost!!!! I couldn't deal with someone like this at all. She sounds like my SIL who thankfully we don't speak to.

Intrigued by what her other crazy requests are now

Bubblesandsqueak1 · 09/04/2022 21:37

Nah tell the sil to do one and your kids can play minecraft whenever they want they pay for the sever for this reason you can just block the cousin from the sever altogether so then no issue and I would tell sil that you will do this if she keeps going on about it

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