To ask what your "mum burnout" looks like?

[PaddleBoardingMomma]

Would really like to hear your opinions on how mum burnout makes you feel and how it manifests for you.

I have a 5 year old and an 8 month old, still up 4-5 times in the night but it's brief (a little bit of milk or her dummy has fallen out) no long nights awake pacing her about the house crying thankfully, so can't really use that as an excuse but...

I'm exhausted. Properly burnt out. I find myself wondering if it's normal, or am I just weak or pathetic or dying 🤦🏼‍♀️ I'm always on edge, more anxious, argumentative, I feel like I'm stuck on a loop 😩

So what about you?

Mine feels like I’m coming down with some brutal virus, pure physical malaise and pain!

I’d love to say it gets better as they get older but my chilled, pampering takeaway evening has now turned into looking for my 13 year old who’s gone AWOL 🙃

4yo and 7mo - I feel drained and that I. Just. Can’t. Be. Touched. Anymore. My skin literally crawls with it at the end of a bad day, I have to dig very deep to get on with bedtime and not get overwhelmed but The Edge is wavering just within view at the moment 🤦‍♀️ I can relate to everything you’ve just said.

Totally understand how you feel!
A tip on the dummy front, leave a big pile in the corner of the cot for them to get through during the night

4-5 times a night is a lot! Can you do anything to stop that? A lot more milk before bed time maybe? Both mine starting sleeping through entirely from about 6 weeks so it's alien to me.

@PostingForTrafficz

4-5 times a night is a lot! Can you do anything to stop that? A lot more milk before bed time maybe? Both mine starting sleeping through entirely from about 6 weeks so it's alien to me.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

No.

Mine was every 2 hours until 2 years old. And my burnout looked like depression. Diagnosable clinical depression.

Best not to mention children who spent through from 6 weeks to exhausted mums.

I stopped feeling anything. At all. I could tell that DD was doing cute stuff, but I had no emotional response to her. I knew, objectively, that I'd lay down my life for her, but I was empty inside.

Also the virus thing. And yes, I was very short tempered. And I went through anxiety and out the other side - like I just had no energy for it any more. I was just an exhausted, broken shell.

You are not weak and you are not pathetic. You are a good mum and a lovely person who has given too much. Please get help before you get to where I was.

Mine was just not enjoying life, feeling irritable, stressed etc. Some time off, even if it’s to catch up on the housework kid free f or does wonders if possible. If not time with other mothers helps and during full on lockdown, having a good routine and getting outdoors whatever the weather and exploring new places was a saviour

Both mine starting sleeping through entirely from about 6 weeks so it's alien to me

Read the room

If you do think you're disproportionately tired, go see your GP. I know of several women who turned out to have thyroid problems or similar.

Mine are nearly 4 and nearly 2. Younger still up for a couple of hours most nights (bloody back molars). I'm so tired. I have no patience. I shout (I'd never shouted at anyone before I had kids and never would've predicted it). I have no concentration for work, used to be so motivated and now I sit and stare at the screen.

I sit on my phone at 7pm when I should be interacting with my family

I cried every night 3am-8am. Then dried my tears to go to work.

I felt despair and also empty. I used to feel empathy when one of my DSes cried/hurt themselves. But when burning out I just felt nothing. Empty. No happiness either when were cute.

I was highly sleep deprived (2 DC with SN, one of whom didn't sleep through til he was 7). Anti depressants helped as did changing my job.

Still struggling though and they're now 7 and 10. My empathy has returned though fortunately !

With the dummy, what worked for me was leaving 2-3 in the cot, a little night light too. Usually there was 1 or none by morning.
Feeling exhausted seems to be the norm but is there any family or friends that could help and give you a breather?
Post natal anxiety kept me awake for months. I couldn't let anyone else take over so I could rest. Every part of me ached, my eyes stung, it took Every ounce of energy to do simple tasks. I got through it. You have a lot to deal with, give yourself a break. Your doing a good job, I'm sure.

Aching all over. If it’s not my knee, it’s my neck, or shoulder, or elbow….
Just feeling like everything you do is functional. Cooking - meh, what’s the point in putting effort in and trying something new, it won’t get eaten. Go out to the park/soft play etc - great, how can I wear him out? Cleaning the floor for the sixth time today thinking what did I used to do all day before kids

@PostingForTrafficz

4-5 times a night is a lot! Can you do anything to stop that? A lot more milk before bed time maybe? Both mine starting sleeping through entirely from about 6 weeks so it's alien to me.

Wow. Bit of an insensitive comment. You were very very lucky (not skillful). OP's situation is much more normal.

I'm sure the idea of sleeping more has indeed occurred to OP every other minute for the past four months.

Pure unadulterated exhaustion. I struggle to stay awake for a whole day. I've even fallen asleep at work before.

I go to bed at 9:30pm. But I think have 2 jobs and 3 children is such a massive mental load, that my brain just packs up for an hour in the afternoon.

I get grumpy, struggle to think, I perform tasks without being able to remember what I am doing or why. I shout more than I have ever done. My husband and I have competitive tiredness competitions. I eat like food is going to runout.

Mum burn out is a thing.

I get a bit short tempered, after a good lifting session in the gym I have the patience of a saint with my 6 again.
Before I started carving out time to lift in the gym I was very depressed and had dark thoughts, I will never go back to that. I had a lot of damage from pregnancies which I repaired with hard work and diagnosed with osteoarthritis at 33, I was in constant pain before but now it's much more manageable without living off painkillers.

Mine are older (10 and 12). I am ready for them to move out on their own one minute and then vex that they won't watch a film with me in the next. Mostly I am tired and feel haggard from worrying about them and hoping they will make good decisions, be decent people, giving them enough guidance without being overbearing, do we have enough saved for uni. . . It is endless, this loss of your freedom to the investment in these souls. Worth it all, but sometimes I just want to have my own self to worry about.

Thank you so much for all the replies, I'm sorry so many others feel as done in though!

Funny, I have just tonight put her down in the cot with as many dummies as I could find (5!) and will report back tomorrow on how it goes :)

The feeling of like you're just about to come down with something is exactly right, much better than I could articulate it but yes, that feeling exactly.

I'm on a very low dose antidepressant, it does definitely help and I've been on it a long time (apart from during pregnancy) so I'm grateful I've a little bit of a buffer, I don't know... I just sort of feel like I've worn myself out so much over the past 5 years I'll never feel anything but tired and on edge and sightly annoyed at everything x

It's like a permanent concussion - generally feeling a bit dazed and confused - mind is sluggish and I'm a lot clumsier than normal

I have 15 month old twins going through sleep regression. It's brutal. Haven't slept more than 2-3 hours in a couple of weeks (and I work full time)

@Mangogogogo

Mine feels like I’m coming down with some brutal virus, pure physical malaise and pain!

I’d love to say it gets better as they get older but my chilled, pampering takeaway evening has now turned into looking for my 13 year old who’s gone AWOL 🙃

I really hope she's home soon safe and sound and massively apologetic !

@PostingForTrafficz

4-5 times a night is a lot! Can you do anything to stop that? A lot more milk before bed time maybe? Both mine starting sleeping through entirely from about 6 weeks so it's alien to me.

Wow what a stealth boast

Someone sounds very smug

Lol @ sleeping through from 6 weeks.

My burn out looks a lot like ‘get the fuck off me’ ‘what the fuck is wrong with you now’ ‘you can’t possibly need something else’

All in my head of course, not out loud to them, they’re 22m and 6.5m old so still both tiny and still both need A LOT from me but in different ways.

Parenting is littered with shit moments, I wish people from older generations would have shared that nugget of info rather than just keep saying ‘don’t wish it all away’ ‘these are the best years of your life’ ‘you’ll wish they were small again soon’ ‘every minute is so special’

Is it? Every minute? Like when one cries the other is stood on my foot twisting my foot skin as I try and take a poo. Is that enjoyable?

In bed, trying to relax by listening to my favourite film via audio commentary because I don't have the energy to open my eyes and watch it!

these comments are great. I feel not alone

I get short tempered and shout. I'm a lone parent of 3 who works full time and the mental load is exhausting. Mum burn out is def real. I'm counting down the weeks until my Mum has the kids for a weekend and I'm getting a girly weekend away to refresh!