Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what your "mum burnout" looks like?

233 replies

PaddleBoardingMomma · 09/04/2022 17:45

Would really like to hear your opinions on how mum burnout makes you feel and how it manifests for you.

I have a 5 year old and an 8 month old, still up 4-5 times in the night but it's brief (a little bit of milk or her dummy has fallen out) no long nights awake pacing her about the house crying thankfully, so can't really use that as an excuse but...

I'm exhausted. Properly burnt out. I find myself wondering if it's normal, or am I just weak or pathetic or dying 🤦🏼‍♀️ I'm always on edge, more anxious, argumentative, I feel like I'm stuck on a loop 😩

So what about you?

OP posts:
JesusInTheCabbageVan · 09/04/2022 20:00

@PostingForTrafficz

4-5 times a night is a lot! Can you do anything to stop that? A lot more milk before bed time maybe? Both mine starting sleeping through entirely from about 6 weeks so it's alien to me.
6 weeks? It took you that long? You must have been doing something wrong, mine was sleeping through at 2_weeks and then getting himself up to make me breakfast in bed Hmm
WeSellAnyBra · 09/04/2022 20:01

I felt like this pretty much all the time when my kids were under 5! It was tough but eventually passed.

NearlyHeadlessNick · 09/04/2022 20:08

Short temper and snappy, even with the DC (4 and 2)
Feeling like a crap mum and crap employee both at the same time.
Far too shouty
Far too much swearing under my breath Blush which really needs to stop.

Also noise overwhelm - kids making kid noise, extractor fan or oven whirring, trying to cook tea, then DH comes in and puts music on - makes me murderous.

Fortheloveofgodwhatnow · 09/04/2022 20:10

Thank you for writing this post, op and so sorry you’re feeling this way. I have a 3,5 year old and have been feeling this more than ever recently. She’s not very well at the moment, so her behaviour is harder, it’s so much, I feel like my head is caving in sometimes, just need space! I don’t feel lighthearted or joyful anymore, just irritable all the time recently.

TheFantastic7 · 09/04/2022 20:13

I'm actually relieved to read these, I have 5 (1yo, 3yo 4yo 5yo + 8yo) and its always "well you decided to have that many" "you made your bed", and while yes, that was my choice and I love them all fiercely; it doesn't mean it's not really fucking hard sometimes. So thank you for this, I needed it tonight

mummydoingamasters · 09/04/2022 20:18

When I'm burnt out I start to shake and I can't stand noise, it literally vibrates through my whole body and I just feel completely out of control. I just can't tolerate it.

I've noticed I stim now as well by rubbing my face, eyebrows and the bridge of my nose when I'm feeling out of control.

Trying to make little changes slowly to try and get back in control.

dreammattemousse · 09/04/2022 20:23

Following

Owieeee · 09/04/2022 20:24

@PostingForTrafficz , all my friends who formula fed say this so assume you did too. Could be totally wrong. I have 3 DCs , all breastfed and none of them slept through until 1 and I had two who woke frequently until 3, we are firm parents , did absolutely everything we could , dropped naps, increased food, went to gp, allergy tests. Absolutely nothing worked but time but I have heard so many times ppl shocked by that which always made me feel even shitter and a total failure tbh.
Anyway op, it definitely has gotten better for me with more sleep, a lot better and the older my boys get the easier , I'm often still v tired but it's always busy and my DC's are very very physical. I go to bed early , take vitamins, exercise regularly and my DH is amazing and does loads with them leaving me to chill, do hobbies or sleep and I do the same for him.
When they were all small and I had years of sleep deprivation I hit an absolute wall, we have no support at all despite loads of family, it was v v tough as we also renovated a house, moved countries etc etc. But I feel so much better now at 37 than 9 Years ago tbh with no sleep ! Hang in there!!

icecreamcart · 09/04/2022 20:25

When I'm too tired to think and just lie there.

Owieeee · 09/04/2022 20:25

When I was totally burnt out I honestly struggled putting one foot in front of the other but had to keep going as no one would help. Definitely get your bloods checked op too in case you are anemic.

NY152 · 09/04/2022 20:26

Thanks for posting.

The days feeling like an endurance test from start to finish, no patience and feeling like I can’t achieve anything. So tired it’s hard to enjoy the good bits.

Peanutbuttercupisyum · 09/04/2022 20:29

Coming downstairs after bedtime, collapsing on sofa and still being there in exact same position 4 hours later. No energy to eat dinner myself!

Rinatinabina · 09/04/2022 20:30

For me it looks like being short tempered, very much on edge, really detested being touched, couldn’t read or watch tv, just surfing the internet couldn’t focus on anything really.

LyndaSnellsSniff · 09/04/2022 20:31

DS1 was an awesome sleeper. Thought I'd got it so right. DS2 was essentially wide awake from 4am till 9pm. Plus up through the night. He seemed to know the very moment I dropped off to sleep and would scream. During his first year I was constantly ill; stomach bugs, ear infections, migraines and one memorable bout of flu.

Consequently I have very few memories of his first year and that makes me sad even now, 12 years later.

These days the stresses are different but I'm still stretched 3 ways and struggle to do anything well.

Idontknowwhatsforbloodytea · 09/04/2022 20:37

My now 7 year old didn't sleep for 3 years from birth, utterly exhausting. My lowest point was driving past a graveyard and feeling genuinely jealous that they were all lying down, at peace, no one disturbing them, just left alone to rest.

bakewellbride · 09/04/2022 20:39

My second child is 18 days old. Sometimes I'm so tired my hands and feet ache.

Oldlearner · 09/04/2022 20:42

OP thank you so much for this thread. I have been quietly suffering and thought i was an awful mum/person. I'm sorry you and everyone else if either feeling it or felt it but i'm glad im not alone.

I get a solid block of sleep of around 5hrs maybe once every 6months. i have 1.5years between my two and the youngest never sleeps through.

scatterolight · 09/04/2022 20:42

OMG at the graveyard - I used to think the exact same thing! We are near a church and I used to take DS there for a walk in the carrier 2 or 3 times a day. And I can't tell you the burning jealousy I felt for all those people. All done with life, the race run and now resting up. I used to say in my head "you lucky lucky bastards". Yeah that was a low point.

pattish · 09/04/2022 20:48

@PostingForTrafficz

4-5 times a night is a lot! Can you do anything to stop that? A lot more milk before bed time maybe? Both mine starting sleeping through entirely from about 6 weeks so it's alien to me.
I’m going to stick up for you @PostingForTrafficz because I agree - 4-5 times a night at 8 months is a hell of a lot. How do people NOT burn out when you’re getting up half the night?

Mine all slept through early because I made it a priority. I knew that I would burn out if I had no sleep.

The wider point is, why are so many mums suffering from burnout? I don’t know the answer, but I do know that I read a lot of posts about how mums are

  • co-sleeping until 2-3 years old
  • offering a huge number of options at mealtimes and endless snacks to appease their LOs
  • going to their baby at the first sign of a whimper at night
  • refusing to leave their child to go out for the evening

..and generally taking the weight of the world on their shoulders.

I don’t know whether it’s linked but when I consider the current style of parenting babies and the pressure mums are putting on themselves. burnout seems inevitable.

If you parent like this, when do you get time for yourself? When do you go out, or relax or get time alone?

I do a lot for my kids (cook from scratch, help with homework, am very involved with their social lives and friendship issues) but this level seems crazy.

Miriam101 · 09/04/2022 20:48

It looks like this: “oh here’s a thread that resonates- I want to write something eloquent- and I would, if I weren’t so fucking tired”

Timeturnerplease · 09/04/2022 20:49

We have an energetic 3yo and a barely napping 8mo who still wakes 4/5/6 times a night for bottles or just to scream at me, then will not go down again again after 2am unless plastered to me in a very specific position. Will not entertain DH anywhere near her overnight.

I feel drunk most mornings. I have aches all over from hours spent in this awful position with DD2 on me. I eat so much toast and drink so much sweet tea to get me going that I’ve put two stone on. I snap at DD1, when I’m normally known for my endless patience. I can’t find any enthusiasm for nights round at friends’ etc, despite DH being happy to spend his evening resettling DD2 every hour to give me a break.

I go back to work after Easter full time as a primary teacher. I’ll need to work four evenings a week 7-10pm ish to keep up with workload, yet my eyes go blurry at 8pm with exhaustion. I’ll manage, I know I will - I did with DD1 who was a slightly less terrible big still crap sleeper, though she did allow DH to calm her. It’s still utterly shit though.

Mum burnout is a thing, even with supportive partners/relatively stable incomes/family help etc. I guess it’s why women in the past cracked out the gin mid afternoon.

God willing, maybe this time next year all the women on this thread will be feeling much better….

pattish · 09/04/2022 20:51

@Owieeee

I breastfed. Please don’t assume babies who sleep through the night do so only because they’re formula fed. It’s rubbish.

Tothepoint99 · 09/04/2022 20:53

@PostingForTrafficz

4-5 times a night is a lot! Can you do anything to stop that? A lot more milk before bed time maybe? Both mine starting sleeping through entirely from about 6 weeks so it's alien to me.
A lot to someone who brags their children slept through 'entirely' from 6 weeks yes. Congratulations. Here's your medal 🏅
pattish · 09/04/2022 20:54

@Tothepoint99

You do know it’s not luck, don’t you?

Cyw2018 · 09/04/2022 20:55

@Fernsinthegarden

4yo and 7mo - I feel drained and that I. Just. Can’t. Be. Touched. Anymore. My skin literally crawls with it at the end of a bad day, I have to dig very deep to get on with bedtime and not get overwhelmed but The Edge is wavering just within view at the moment 🤦‍♀️ I can relate to everything you’ve just said.
Being totally touched out is my sign too. I just want to scream 'get off me'.