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AIBU?

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Original poster

Mum spanked DD whilst I'm in hospital

516 replies

wantthisbabyout · 08/04/2022 22:43

Currently in hospital after my c-section apologies if this is all over the place as I'm half asleep!

Mum stayed over last night and complained this morning that she hadn't slept all night. We left at 6:45 this morning and she was up. She also said yesterday that she wishes my kids were "normal"

I FaceTimed her today with the kids and DD was upset saying grandma hurt me and my mum said oh it's ok it was only a little spank on the hand as she hasn't been listening.

My DD is the sweetest little girl ever, yes she is very stubborn but you just need to have patience with her.

AIBU to feel like my mum has just lost her temper and probably felt a bit angry and spanked her? I feel so upset about anyone touching my kids.

DH has just popped home now to get some sleepsuits but I dare not tell him because he will be so angry.

OP posts:
Fredstheteds · 09/04/2022 07:35

MIL told me once that if mine didn’t behave she would smack him- she never has or will have my child without supervision. Smacking us out dated. Not easy as OP is in a place where she needs the help! Hopefully you will be reunited with your family soon !

PinkCheetah · 09/04/2022 07:38

I can't believe some of the responses in this thread. The child had their hand smacked by grandma. But some of you all reacting like the child was kicked, punched, left bloodied, bruised and left for dead!! Get a grip. Just tell grandma that's not the way you wish to discipline your children and not to do it again. But going NC over this is OTT.

Notahappywife · 09/04/2022 07:38

It only could’ve been a smack on hands from grandma’s perspective, but the child felt physically hurt so it doesn’t matter if it was just on hands or full on whack on the bum.

It’s not about the pain intensity is it? We don’t apply this to domestic abuse victims do we? We don’t ask how hard they’ve been hit, and if it’s just a slap on a cheek it’s fine 🙄

I’ve been smacked few times as a child by my “loving” grandad, who just wanted to teach me a lesson and I clearly remember flinching years later when he raised his hand… I was truly scared of physical punishment even though it wasn’t that hard probably, nevertheless humiliating.

Benjispruce4 · 09/04/2022 07:39

The ‘normal’ comment is far more worrying to me than the smack in the hand. Then I again I was brought up with smacking and I’m ok with that. I think you need far more information. Good luck with your new baby.

Juniper68 · 09/04/2022 07:40

Those minimising, do you smack your dcs?

FedUp79 · 09/04/2022 07:40

Why smacking hasn’t been banned in England I don’t know. There is no excuse to hit another person. I grew up with a physically (and psychologically) abusive mother and whilst my experience was far worse than a smack, there is still no excuse. Reasoning with, even a young child, works far better.

OP you need to talk to your DH and discuss whether your DM has the patience to look after your children. Hope you recover soon after your c-section and congratulations.

Notahappywife · 09/04/2022 07:41

In addition the “I wish your kids were normal” comment proves IMO that your mum might not be a monster but she clearly isn’t coping left alone with your kids.

Ps. Congratulations & seedy recovery 🎉

Nothappyatwork · 09/04/2022 07:41

It does sound like it’s all got a bit too much for grandma and I think we do forget this and it’s yet another of those things you only learn to really understand when you’re in the position yourself. I’m not massively old I’m probably 15 years away from grandchildren, 10 at least but the idea of having a toddler all day and then overnight as well it’s just incomprehensible. I know I could not do it I’m not saying I would smack the little mite. I just wouldn’t put myself in a position where I might lose my temper sufficiently to do it .

user1487194234 · 09/04/2022 07:45

I would tell your DH
Apart from anything else your DD might
I have never hit my DC
Was smacked as a child and did resent
But I think your mum sounds like she is not coping

Spannwr1971 · 09/04/2022 07:46

My kid drives me to despair, I've never smacked him, not even a tap on the hand. It sets a very unpleasant parenting precedent, and belongs in the past. Who the hell does she think she is?

saggyhairyass · 09/04/2022 07:47

Bit weird the I Wish Your Kids Were Normal comment. But besides that, just tell your mum to not do it again, because it's unacceptable. How does a child learn what is acceptable by an adult acting unacceptably?

Member869894 · 09/04/2022 07:49

Granny snacks child's hand. Hardly the end of the world is it? Just tell her not to do ir again and explain to child that granny won't do it again. Absolutely no cause for the ridiculous posts on this thread

Carbiesdreamhouse · 09/04/2022 07:49

This seems to be the fifth thread on smacking I've seen today Confused

SpiderinaWingMirror · 09/04/2022 07:52

My mum spanked us all the time.
She never laid a finger on any of her precious grandchildren and she has mine a lot.
I think you need to tell dh but have a chat with your mum later when the heat has gone out of the situation.

PupInAPram · 09/04/2022 07:53

I think the word spank softens it too much. I know it's an American term, but maybe when discussing it with your mum, say 'strike'or 'hit'. People make mistakes, which is understandable as long as it's acknowledged as such.

Ninjaexpress · 09/04/2022 07:59

@PinkCheetah

I can't believe some of the responses in this thread. The child had their hand smacked by grandma. But some of you all reacting like the child was kicked, punched, left bloodied, bruised and left for dead!! Get a grip. Just tell grandma that's not the way you wish to discipline your children and not to do it again. But going NC over this is OTT.
Thank goodness, just what I was thinking.
Thoughtsarrivelikebutterflies5 · 09/04/2022 07:59

Nobody lays a hand on my kids. We don't, and my parents know if they did (they never would) they'd never see them again.
The child said her gran hurt her so it obviously caused her upset. No justification ever to hit a child (a full beating or a tap on the hand). Please don't minimise this, for your child's sake.

LethargeMarg · 09/04/2022 08:00

@FinnRussell

Tell your husband that he should be at home with the kids because your mum isn't really coping. Set firm boundaries for future. Keep it in perspective, she's a different generation and she didn't exactly batter her. It's not acceptable but it's not worth some of the OTT responses on here.
Totally agree and posters saying it's child abuse and you can lose your kids over it is just not the case. It's not great and I'd be really pissed off especially when you're post natal but it's not the end of the world and certainly not the end of the relationship .
cjpark · 09/04/2022 08:00

Congratulations OP and speedy recovery! No need to raise holy hell but it's worth being very clear with your mum that you do not use smacking as a discipline and do not wish her to either. Perhaps, you or DH could show her your methods of discipline whether it be naughty step, time out etc?
If Mum smacks again, then I think you are going to have re-think, but for the time, getting everyone on the same page seems sensible.

AxolotlEars · 09/04/2022 08:02

I would think about what I wanted to do and when I was a bit recovered, I would talk to my husband about it, along with a plan. Then I would talk to my mum that we don't, why we don't and some good and helpful strategies to avoid smacking. I wouldn't do this in front of anyone else. I think that often we don't have a way to do things differently and we put ourselves on the spot. I would ask her to say sorry to my child.

Pumperthepumper · 09/04/2022 08:05

@HangingRock25

A tap on the hand is totally ok. I really hate the anti-discipline sentiment on here. Thankfully, not being in the UK we are not beholden to the woke tripe and smacking that is reasonable is perfectly allowed here. Your mum didn't abuse your child. In fact, it was only a tap on the hands, not even a smack on the bum. So your mum was actually very mild and was being responsible as a grandparent. Please don't listen to the anti-discipline woke garbage on here. You know your mother is not an abuser.
Where are you, if you don’t mind me asking?
HangingRock25 · 09/04/2022 08:06

@Pumperthepumper Australia.

FelicityPike · 09/04/2022 08:07

@Deereemer

Smacking needs to be against the law. Completely unacceptable.
It is in Scotland & Wales.
Pumperthepumper · 09/04/2022 08:07

Ah, thanks. Is it quite common for kids to be hit there?

Darbs76 · 09/04/2022 08:08

I think many people a bit OTT here. Not acceptable and not acceptable to do it when you’ve just had a C section, you must feel awful about it. Just be firm with her that you don’t agree with smacking and if she doesn’t agree with it then she shouldn’t take care of the kids

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