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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not allow DH to put a FOOTBALLING GNOME in the garden?

154 replies

UnnecessaryFennel · 08/04/2022 15:39

Just that, really.

I just walked into the kitchen to see this thing grinning at me from the table. It is a gnome in full Crystal Palace strip. DH intends for it to go in our garden. I thought he was joking but no, he's absolutely serious. Apparently it's to celebrate the fact that they've reached the semi-final of some football competition or other.

I have spent £100s on beautiful David Austin roses recently and thought we were going for a cottage garden vibe. Apparently not.

WIBU to LTB?

OP posts:
SnowingInApril · 08/04/2022 17:39

I voted YANBU until I saw him! He’s a happy chappy! Keep him!

BOOTS52 · 08/04/2022 17:44

Just let him put it out there but slowly start moving it so it is half covered by flowers. He probably won't even notice. I used to live near Crystal Palace so get that he wants something that is his also in the garden. Don't make a big thing out of it but not a fan of gnomes myself but could put up with one ha!!

BOOTS52 · 08/04/2022 17:47

To Spidersareshitheads that is hilarious about the gnomes and what your brother did with the owl.. Did your mother never see the funny side of it.

LaurieFairyCake · 08/04/2022 17:56

Sneak out in middle of night and give it a Hitler moustache

Blame on local kids

"Darling we can't have a Hitler gnome"

Chuck in bin

Toottooot · 08/04/2022 17:56

Maybe he should leave you for such a garden snob 🤷🏻‍♀️

SpidersAreShitheads · 08/04/2022 17:57

@BOOTS52

To Spidersareshitheads that is hilarious about the gnomes and what your brother did with the owl.. Did your mother never see the funny side of it.
@BOOTS52 - No, not really hahaha!

She never saw the funny side of the neighbours moving her garden gnomes. She was incandescent with rage about it every time it happened. The fact she was so cross just made it even funnier tbh.

Re the owl and my brother - she swung between being bewildered, annoyed and trying to pretend as if she didn't care. But then she'd give the game away and very crossly say "that's enough now don't you think?!!" It wasn't an expensive or beloved ornament. From what I remember it was this cross-eyed, bizarre thing that she'd picked up a car boot sale or something one day.

My DM isn't renowned for her sense of humour and unfortunately for her, that just makes everything a million times funnier.

Even now, sat here remembering it, I'm laughing to myself. It was genuinely hilarious. I might have to text my DB later and remind him about it all.

wishitwasaduvetday · 08/04/2022 17:57

@ilovesooty I think it's gone completely over your head that this is a lighthearted jokey thread. And obviously I can forbid shit football calendars in my our kitchen!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 08/04/2022 17:59

@Toottooot

Maybe he should leave you for such a garden snob 🤷🏻‍♀️
At least there would be no issues with the division of assets.

'Oh, no, I couldn't possibly deprive you of the Eagles Gnome. Or the CPFC Flag you've stuck up in the spare room. Or your cherished copy of Glad All Over. And now you're all so grateful for that, I'd like to discuss the car...'

wishitwasaduvetday · 08/04/2022 18:00

@SpidersAreShitheads 😆😆😆 I love this! My uncle had a crap gnome and his friends kidnapped it and sent photos of it on all sorts of holidays.. we thought it was brilliant! 😆😆

Toottooot · 08/04/2022 18:00

Maybe he’ll include the expensive roses in the settlement 🤣🤣

UnnecessaryFennel · 08/04/2022 18:01

@Toottooot

Maybe he should leave you for such a garden snob 🤷🏻‍♀️
All the very best people are. Who wants a working-class garden after all?!
OP posts:
codeVeronica · 08/04/2022 18:03

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theemmadilemma · 08/04/2022 18:04

Oh god. I went for kitsch in my old tiny garden. I allowed gnomes for fun.

DP dared to try and sneak one into our cottage garden (also alongside David Austin) and I refused. I explained that wasn't our current aesthetic.

Toottooot · 08/04/2022 18:07

Ha ha working class garden - get over yourself. Lighthearted or not.

balalake · 08/04/2022 18:07

Is your DH Glad All Over about this gnome?

It's a gnome. That is unreasonable regardless of colour.

By the way, in case you are unaware, said semi-final is on Easter Sunday late afternoon. So be prepared for sulking come Easter Sunday evening.

UnnecessaryFennel · 08/04/2022 18:09

@codeVeronica

All the very best people are. Who wants a working-class garden after all?!

There's light hearted and there's being a classist bitch.

Classist, or classy? I think we all know the answer to that one don't we? Wink
OP posts:
wishitwasaduvetday · 08/04/2022 18:10

@codeVeronica tut tut, I don't think there any need for nastiness on a light hearted thread. Quite clearly the op said that as a joke. Calling a woman a bitch is just vile.

UnnecessaryFennel · 08/04/2022 18:12

@theemmadilemma

Oh god. I went for kitsch in my old tiny garden. I allowed gnomes for fun.

DP dared to try and sneak one into our cottage garden (also alongside David Austin) and I refused. I explained that wasn't our current aesthetic.

Well exactly, @theemmadilemma. The aesthetic must be preserved at all costs.

For the frothers, please note: I Am Permitting The Gnome. In fact dh and I have just agreed he will fit in nicely by the compost bin.

OP posts:
WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 08/04/2022 18:12

Fuck me it's a sad day for MN when you keep having to trill "lighthearted" on a fucking gnome thread.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 08/04/2022 18:13

I think said gnome needs to be accompanied by an ornamental booble plate!

wishitwasaduvetday · 08/04/2022 18:15

@WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles a booble plate?! I'm intrigued! What is this beautiful booble plate you speak of?! Grin

SpidersAreShitheads · 08/04/2022 18:16

@wishitwasaduvetday

I just found one of the first owl emails my brother forwarded to me - I don't have any of the others, more the pity. I'll attach a screenshot but the email was in the name of Owly Owl and the address was Owl_On_The_Move@XXXX.

I'd forgotten the whole backstory my brother created. There was a stuffed koala in the study, and separately a random toy dagger ornament thing (my DM has weird ornaments). My brother started it all off by moving the owl around the house, and then denying he'd touched it. And then he removed it and left a note. The story was that the owl had escaped from the loft (conversion where my brother had been staying) and initially escaped to the study but had succumbed to his natural predator instincts to kill the small furry animal (the stuffed koala). But the owl had used the dagger rather than getting his claws dirty.

The owl left a goodbye note and then followed it up with this email:

"Hi,

Some weeks ago I left you a small note saying that I had to leave for a holiday. I have been wracked with guilt ever since and I simply have to come clean. I have fled the country as I am a murderer!! Yes, I have succumbed to my instinct to kill and performed the gruesome act in your home in your study!!

After being alone in the loft for so long, I was weak and when I found myself liberated to the study, a certain small furry animal mocked my cross eyed look and I felt my instinct to hunt take over. I couldn't help it! It was an act of madness over in a moment when I allowed myself to indulge my hunting instinct.

The police have not been sympathetic. They do not believe my claim I was following my instinct and say that the fact I chose to impale the prey, I mean unfortunate creature, on a sword from spain shows forethought and a certain amount of tool use not usually found in owls meaning I must be intelligent and know what I was doing. They wish to have me put down and I had to flee for my life.

Oh, how I long for those quiet days in the loft, slowly collecting dust. I had a good collection which was the envy of the other collected crap, I mean delicate and rare items that shared my airy retreat. I hope you miss me as much as I miss you and I will send you messages from my travels and keep you up to date on my latest attempts to evade the filth, I mean dedicated and hard working policemen.

Yours Sincerely,

Owlie

P.S. I feel that to make a complete confession I must show you the terrible crime and so I have attached police photos. He told me his name was Inigo Montoya. He will be missed!"

And yes, my brother really did have too much spare time on his hands but I was deeply appreciative of this running saga. DM, less so 😂

The email and photo of the "stabbed" stuffed koala attached.....

To not allow DH to put a FOOTBALLING GNOME in the garden?
To not allow DH to put a FOOTBALLING GNOME in the garden?
wishitwasaduvetday · 08/04/2022 18:19

@SpidersAreShitheads 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I love this! Poor koala! 😆😆

UnnecessaryFennel · 08/04/2022 18:21

@WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles

Fuck me it's a sad day for MN when you keep having to trill "lighthearted" on a fucking gnome thread.
Indeed, although getting called a bitch on such a thread is probably one of my MN high points Grin

@SpidersAreShitheads there's definitely mileage in this idea! Your poor mum though...bless her!

OP posts:
theemmadilemma · 08/04/2022 18:21

You need this instead:

To not allow DH to put a FOOTBALLING GNOME in the garden?
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