To not want older children breathing and blowing raspberries in my babies face?

[UberUbers]

I'll be completely upfront, I feel a touch germ 'phobic' at the minute after just getting over my second bout of covid and a nasty bug a couple of weeks prior. My poor baby has had it all along with me.

I know 'germs are everywhere and can't be avoided, you can't wrap babies in cotton wool' yada yada, but I feel really uncomfortable with older children coming right up to his face and breathing on it / blowing raspberries, peppering hin with spittle.

I really don't like it and want to ask that it stops, but AIBU?

@Blossomtoes

The fact that you’re a step parent is totally irrelevant.

It really isn’t. We all know we behave differently to some degree with first babies to subsequent ones. It’s @UberUbers‘ first baby that was born in the midst of a pandemic. Most of us have zero experience of that and we have no idea how anxious we’d be in those circumstances. Cut the woman some slack and stop bullying her.

That was in no way a bullying comment?? Did you read the sentence below it saying it was understandable to feel that way post covid? Whether she is a mother or a step mother is irrelevant.

OP only you know whether this is part of a wider problem but you did mention being germ phobic and worrying about just breathing on the baby. If you’ve thought it through now and decided it’s the raspberries only, feel free to stop that behaviour. We all have things that we just dislike, mine is pre-chewing food and giving it to baby although I don’t think it would cause harm I can’t stand it and wouldn’t accept it.
A lot of interaction between babies and other babies and children does involve exchange of spit (especially when they start teething), snot and sometimes worse as they play together. Even worse when they’re mobile! If you’re fine with that then no need to worry

Op it's normal to be wanting to keep germs of your PFB.

Being a step parent is a tricky balance between baby being your precious first born and them being the youngest in the family as a whole.

I wouldn't have stopped my eldest blowing raspberries at my youngest, but then she was also born with a cold as I had one when I delivered her.

And it's weird how you say "older children" in your OP as if they're just children you don't know!

That's just your interpretation, coloured by the fact I'm a step mother no doubt.

Had I been somebody else reading my OP I would've taken it to mean 'the older children in the household'

I agree OP.

YABU.

Children across the world and centuries interact with each other by being physical with cuddles, kisses, rolling around, blowing raspberries, etc etc.
All of which leads to a healthy exchange of germs and dirt along with social learning and bonding.

Being overly cautious about this natural interaction will be detrimental in the long run.
Even if you avoid a cold in the short term.

Let kids play like kids do.

@RaRathebravemouse

And it's weird how you say "older children" in your OP as if they're just children you don't know!

I hear this all the time about full siblings. "Dh took the older children to swim lessons while I stayed at home with the newborn" or whatever.

Also, maybe she hid the fact she's a stepmum because she was worried it would colour people's view of her?

Yeah it's reasonable to not want that, and just ask them not to do it. But do realise that not only are germs everywhere, they are actually what forms our immune system, and if we don't have regular contact with pathogens we don't build a microbiome and cannot effectively fight off disease. Yes, this provides ripe ground for pharmaceutical revenue on treating the symptoms of ineffective immunity, but it's not ideal for our health. I let my baby explore with her mouth, since that's how they build immunity in the first few years, the saliva then communicates the pathogens to the breastmilk and you provide passive immunity. Sometimes we think we're protecting but we're actually setting up for illness.

But your OP did make it sound like a load of random, smelly, snotty kids were gobbing all over your baby as opposed to him being kissed by his siblings.

I didn’t read it that way nor did it come across to me that way. I read it as someone who didn’t want children spitting in their baby’s face after both her and baby falling ill which sounded reasonable. I came into this late tbh and read all of OP’s posts though. My thoughts were further cemented when she said how old they were.

It would have been different if the children were much younger and at an age where they are still learning boundaries. 10 though, that wouldn’t be allowed at school nor seen by many parents as acceptable and would have been told to cut it out if they were doing it to children around the same age. I would question though why some would think it was ok for an older child to do that to a baby if they wouldn’t allow the older child to do it to a child of the same age.

That's just your interpretation, coloured by the fact I'm a step mother no doubt.

Had I been somebody else reading my OP I would've taken it to mean 'the older children in the household'

Yes it's my opinion. Why did you post in AIBU if you don't want anyone to disagree with you?

Did you read my earlier comment OP? I'm a stepmother too and I know MN is not always sympathetic to SMs but in this case I think YABU. I get where you are coming from but "older children" isn't the same as "older siblings".

But these kids are older than 10? Why are people acting like ‘awww it’s just normal for ickle ones to try and bond with their baby siblings like this. Just say oooh hunny bunny try not to spit all over the baby’s face my darling. Oh they don’t know about washing hands they’re only little.’

My two oldest are 10 & 11 and I don’t tell them to wash their hands or not sneeze on their hands. They know. I don’t tell them not to blow raspberries in their baby cousin’s face and if they did it I’d be saying ‘why are you spitting in Amelia’s face? Stop it. I presume you don’t want anyone to spit in your face so not sure why you think someone else wants you to do it.’

I think people are expecting much much too little from kids who are either upper primary or high school.

I mean did anyone here blow raspberries in people’s face in high school? Presumably not. Would anyone really let their 11 year old spray spit all over their own face? Because that’s what it is ‘blowing raspberries’ makes it sound cute but it’s actually using your tongue to spray spit all over someone.

I think once you start criticising other people for breathing, or the manner of their breathing, you put yourself into the unreasonable camp automatically.

@Kanaloa

I mean did anyone here blow raspberries in people’s face in high school? Presumably not. Would anyone really let their 11 year old spray spit all over their own face? Because that’s what it is ‘blowing raspberries’ makes it sound cute but it’s actually using your tongue to spray spit all over someone.

No, but I’m sure I breathed on people.

But obviously op is stressed by the whole picture. If they were simply breathing next to the baby I’m sure it would be no issue, but a 10/11 year old generally knows not to put their whole face touching a baby’s and then spray spit all over it.

I would hope they do anyway.

.I would question though why some would think it was ok for an older child to do that to a baby if they wouldn’t allow the older child to do it to a child of the same age.

Because older kids like to interact with babies and think the best way to do that is by entertaining them. So the pull funny faces, make funny voices and sounds and blow raspberries in their faces along with other stuff. They don’t act like this with peers as they know the peer is at the same developmental stage as them and how to interact/entertain someone the same age (by having a conversation, playing a game where they are equals etc). Completely normal behaviour that shouldn’t be freaked out over whether they are bio kids, step kids, cousins etc.

Because older kids like to interact with babies and think the best way to do that is by entertaining them. So the pull funny faces, make funny voices and sounds and blow raspberries in their faces along with other stuff.

This would fit if the child was 5 or 6 and just trying to interact with a baby as best they can.

It’s not ‘completely normal’ for an 11 year old to spray spit in a baby’s face. At 10/11 they should know that’s not really the way to interact with small babies. And it’s not normal for a parent to feel they can’t say ‘don’t spit on the baby. Read him a book or play with toys. Don’t spit on them again please.’

*This would fit if the child was 5 or 6 and just trying to interact with a baby as best they can.

It’s not ‘completely normal’ for an 11 year old to spray spit in a baby’s face. At 10/11 they should know that’s not really the way to interact with small babies. And it’s not normal for a parent to feel they can’t say ‘don’t spit on the baby. Read him a book or play with toys. Don’t spit on them again please.’*

Exactly nor is it freaking out when someone says they don’t want anyone to do that to their baby.

Because older kids like to interact with babies and think the best way to do that is by entertaining them. So the pull funny faces, make funny voices and sounds and blow raspberries in their faces along with other stuff

You say that like blowing raspberries on a babies face is the standard way for secondary school age children to interact with a baby. I have a large family which includes several teenagers and babies, I've never seen the former blowing raspberries on the babies faces.

Stomachs yes, faces no.