To not want older children breathing and blowing raspberries in my babies face?

[UberUbers]

I'll be completely upfront, I feel a touch germ 'phobic' at the minute after just getting over my second bout of covid and a nasty bug a couple of weeks prior. My poor baby has had it all along with me.

I know 'germs are everywhere and can't be avoided, you can't wrap babies in cotton wool' yada yada, but I feel really uncomfortable with older children coming right up to his face and breathing on it / blowing raspberries, peppering hin with spittle.

I really don't like it and want to ask that it stops, but AIBU?

@MajorCarolDanvers

They are siblings engaging in normal loving, bonding behaviour.

And they can continue to engage in normal loving, bonding behaviour in a slightly more considerate way without it being in any way a problem.

OP have you posted before about step children with possible covid/ illness and not wanting them to be in your house around your child?

*This is completely hyperbolic and counterproductive (and I'm a stepmother myself). I know you're trying to be nice.

Some of the comments on this thread have been utter bollocks obviously though.*

How is it hyperbolic? I'm using the same language OP did. It's not hyperbolic to point out that people on MN are prone to massively overreact to anything to do with SC.

what people on MN think about step parents, they'd have you believe absolutely everything you say and do is evil

This is hyperbolic and unhelpful imo

And op is under attack and obviously feeling stressed. You are not under attack, but are fanning the flames, (although I know you are trying to be nice to op, and have the best intentions), which is unhelpful

@PenelopePufferfish

what people on MN think about step parents, they'd have you believe absolutely everything you say and do is evil

This is hyperbolic and unhelpful imo

Hmmm well it was somewhat tongue in cheek, but not inaccurate.

Things like this shouldn't even be analysed. It's perfectly normal to teach a child over 10, generally, to try not to spit on people. This is prime time for learning that kind of thing. There's absolutely nothing wrong with just saying "please don't blow raspberries/get spit in people's faces, that's how germs are spread!" and then getting on with your day, this is perfectly normal parenting and perfectly normal step parenting. Yet on here, absolutely every little thing has to be treated like it's awful and will destroy the children's relationships and make them feel like you hate them.

@PenelopePufferfish

And op is under attack and obviously feeling stressed. You are not under attack, but are fanning the flames, (although I know you are trying to be nice to op, and have the best intentions), which is unhelpful

I am in no way fanning the flames. I am telling OP that the overanlysing on here is ridiculous and she doesn't need to take it to heart. I'm sorry this is a problem to you.

I suspect that every (non-step) mother on here would happily, and without even thinking about it, say "careful darling, try not to let your spit get on the baby's face while you're making her giggle". And I bet some of the people laying into OP have said similar to their own children.

Right, so you’ve told your 2/3yo’s not to get spit/dirt/grime on their younger siblings face/hands/wherever and that’s been successful? You should write a book.

@PenelopePufferfish

And op is under attack and obviously feeling stressed. You are not under attack, but are fanning the flames, (although I know you are trying to be nice to op, and have the best intentions), which is unhelpful

This is some of the worst thread policing I’ve seen.

The message is if you won’t join the pile on on the OP, then don’t post.

Yes, that's exactly what I said indicatrice.

Right, so you’ve told your 2/3yo’s not to get spit/dirt/grime on their younger siblings face/hands/wherever and that’s been successful? You should write a book.

The SC here are 10 and older. Would you really not tell children this age regardless of relation not to blow raspberries in the face of a baby and especially one who is indifferent to it and is not giggling.

@BungleandGeorge

OP have you posted before about step children with possible covid/ illness and not wanting them to be in your house around your child?

No this is the first time I've mentioned anything to do with them on mumsnet

Just tell them to stop it? Sorry but them wanting to blow raspberries at their sibling doesn’t trump your mental health and if it’s causing anxiety just tell them to stop.

My SC don’t touch baby without sanitising hands etc, they have horrific hygiene (the oldest who’s in their teens even sits with his hands down his trousers messing with himself and then goes to touch baby) so I don’t blame you tbh, it’s rank. One thing blowing raspberries at a baby, another thing right in their face.

I sympathise if you have a phobia/OCD about germs. But one minute you say it's a phobia and the next minute you try to suggest it's perfectly rational by arguing the reasons why you think it's OK to have this attitude. It cannot be both those things.

As was said elsewhere in the thread, your baby dribbles, pukes and shits himself on a daily basis. He spreads plenty of germs of his own. How are you going to deal with him when he gets to the stage where he grabs random items off the floor and shoves them in his mouth, or sucks his grubby thumb all the time?

Right, so you’ve told your 2/3yo’s not to get spit/dirt/grime on their younger siblings face/hands/wherever and that’s been successful? You should write a book.

You're seriously trying to make out that it wouldn't be normal to try to get your kids to avoid getting spit, dirt on grime all over the faces and hands of their baby siblings?

Just tell them to stop it? Sorry but them wanting to blow raspberries at their sibling doesn’t trump your mental health and if it’s causing anxiety just tell them to stop.

But surely that just passes on the anxiety to the children?

But surely that just passes on the anxiety to the children?

Telling 10+ yo children not to essentially blow spit into a baby’s face is going to pass on anxiety to them?

There’s another thread on here at the moment asking why step mums get a hard time.
I think this is a perfect example.
You treat your DH children as second class to children of your own.
If you ever have a second child it wouldn’t cross your mind to stop them getting close to the baby.
It’s such a shame for the step childrn. But ultimately you are the grown up who chose to have a baby with a man who already has children.
So you need to reign your feelings in and accept as their sibling then they have just a much a right to be close to baby too.

@Agreeeeed

There’s another thread on here at the moment asking why step mums get a hard time. I think this is a perfect example. You treat your DH children as second class to children of your own. If you ever have a second child it wouldn’t cross your mind to stop them getting close to the baby. It’s such a shame for the step childrn. But ultimately you are the grown up who chose to have a baby with a man who already has children. So you need to reign your feelings in and accept as their sibling then they have just a much a right to be close to baby too.

That would be my thread you're referring to, and your post here is a prime example of stepmother bashing. Nowhere has the OP indicated she thinks of the step children as 'second class citizens'

The woman just doesn't want spit all over her babies face, but you go ahead and tell yourself it's a small part of a larger conspiracy to oust the DSC from their lives.

My older dc came close to second child. Would cuddle him closely at nappy changes, touch him.
There’s no way I would have stopped that as they are siblings and I’ve never known anyone stop their own older child getting close to their babies face.

So my opinion that the reason op feels this way is because the children in question aren’t hers.
No conspiracy theory mentioned thank you. Just my opinion which I’m free to express?

Thank you

Posts like those throughout this thread are likely to cause more harm to SM/SC relationships than a SM not wanting raspberries blown in babies face.

When some SM's like me read drivel like that it does nothing but put us on edge about wanting to establish any boundaries, and boundaries are necessary for blended families to survive.

The inability to draw healthy boundaries and feeling unable to ever speak out will only cause resentment later on down the line, before coming onto mumsnet I wouldn't have thought twice about gently raising something like this with children. Mumsnet is damaging.

@UberUbers

Age 10 and above

Thank you for understanding Flissy.

People that don't have anxieties around this sort of thing will never understand.

Anyone who wants to imply I'm an evil step mother, bollocks to you.

They're over 10, it's absolutely reasonable to tell them not to do that and for them to understand why considering the last 2 years

So my opinion that the reason op feels this way is because the children in question aren’t hers.
No conspiracy theory mentioned thank you. Just my opinion which I’m free to express?

So you’re accusing OP of lying about her own feelings then since she said that she didn’t/wouldn’t want anyone blowing raspberries in her baby’s face which is pretty reasonable.

I’m not a stepmother and I feel the same way. My own children didn’t do this to each other but that could be because we (DH&I ) nor their cousins or any family member ever blew raspberries in their face. We always did their tummies and the same goes for our sons and they are very close. No sinking bond was ever ruined because parents didn’t allow siblings to spit in each other’s faces.

*sibling

Mumsnet is damaging

I'll rectify that comment before I'm bashed for that aswell.

What I mean is, the way some step mothers are made out to be villains on here will give them a complex and have them second guessing every other interaction with the step children, which will be counterproductive to the mutually respectful and positive relationship they ought to have.