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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want older children breathing and blowing raspberries in my babies face?

168 replies

UberUbers · 07/04/2022 20:44

I'll be completely upfront, I feel a touch germ 'phobic' at the minute after just getting over my second bout of covid and a nasty bug a couple of weeks prior. My poor baby has had it all along with me.

I know 'germs are everywhere and can't be avoided, you can't wrap babies in cotton wool' yada yada, but I feel really uncomfortable with older children coming right up to his face and breathing on it / blowing raspberries, peppering hin with spittle.

I really don't like it and want to ask that it stops, but AIBU?

OP posts:
Sceptre86 · 07/04/2022 21:22

Yanbu just say it nicely. My kids are 6, 4 and 7 months. I have to remind them to wash their hands when they come from outside before they touch baby and to be gentle with her. They might get a little touchy but as long as you stock to the riles and your partner does too it will become second nature to them. If couples kids can forget in their excitement but that's where you gently remind them. Ultimately they are siblings though and will pass on bugs so it is something you will have to learn to accept.

Sceptre86 · 07/04/2022 21:23

*Loads of typos, currently feeding baby but you get the gist.

ManateeFair · 07/04/2022 21:34

I think you are going to have a very difficult time as a parent if you are this precious about siblings getting close to your baby’s face and ‘breathing on it’. YABU.

You do realise that you and the baby’s father are also breathing saliva droplets on to your baby all the time, right? Every time you cuddle, kiss or talk to him? Why are your germs OK, but his sibling’s germs not OK?

I think you have a real issue here with the way you see your partner’s children as somehow not being part of the family. In your first post you talk about them as if they’re strangers. The underlying message of your post is that you see your own child as a pristine, germ-free, pure angel who is being contaminated by intruders.

Your baby’s main hobbies right now are dribbling, shitting and throwing up. If anyone’s going to be spreading germs around, it’s him. You need to relax.

arethereanyleftatall · 07/04/2022 21:38

Yabu.
I can't get over the fact that you avoided saying they were siblings in your op! As if they were some random children off the street, not your own step children.

PenelopePufferfish · 07/04/2022 21:40

Ah jayzus, I'd describe my own dcs as "the older children" if I had a baby.

ReadyToMoveIt · 07/04/2022 21:41

YANBU, breathing should be outlawed Hmm

Lady0racle · 07/04/2022 21:43

I knew before I even opened this thread that the children in question would be your partners DCs.

YABU of course.

Original poster
UberUbers · 07/04/2022 21:44

OK please don't pile on.

OP posts:
Tworingstorulethemall · 07/04/2022 21:58

I have a lovely video of my older boy blowing raspberries at the baby and the baby giggling away. Seems to be how they bond!

Original poster
UberUbers · 07/04/2022 22:01

I can see the majority think I'm unreasonable so I'll accept that, with that in mind can I ask people refrain from piling on and making me out to be some sort of wicked step mother.

I've alluded to having poor mental health atm, I don't really want to be dragged into the "you hate your partners kids" stuff because it couldn't be further from the truth.

OP posts:
Favourodds · 07/04/2022 22:06

It's quite difficult to avoid a pile on because most people will believe you are being unreasonable after you reveal its your child's siblings, and most people don't RTFT.

Maybe ask admin to delete if you feel you've received a satisfactory answer.

TheKeatingFive · 07/04/2022 22:18

OP, expecting the babies siblings to refrain from breathing near him is not reasonable, whether you want to chalk that up to health anxiety or not.

It's actually really important that they're exposed to germs at this stage.

BotterMon · 07/04/2022 22:18

Is this in response to the most ridiculous PFB things I did thead? If not, it belongs on there.

FlissyPaps · 07/04/2022 22:26

I’m a germaphobe too OP.

Anyone else’s breath/spit/bodily fluids really make me hurl.

If they’re blowing raspberries and getting spit on the baby just politely say “please don’t do that in the baby’s face”. Have baby wipes on hand to wipe baby’s face and maybe encourage the DC to use a rattle or toy when they’re playing with baby.

If it really is getting you down please speak to your HV about it. They will give you some good advice and hopefully put your mind at ease a bit more.

monicagellerbing · 07/04/2022 22:33

I knew the 'children' would be your step kids before I even read it. Poor kids can't even play with their sibling coz you clearly don't like them. Wait till your PFB is a germ ridden toddler and bringing bugs home to everyone, you'll see how ridiculous you are

Howmanydaysuntilfriday · 07/04/2022 22:34

How old are the elder children ? Would they understand why? Baby or not it's not nice to have spit on your face.

Cherrysoup · 07/04/2022 22:40

Blowing raspberries is definitely covering him in spit, pretty icky if on his face, it’s very unhygienic, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to tell them not to do that. Yanbu.

Original poster
UberUbers · 07/04/2022 22:43

Age 10 and above

Thank you for understanding Flissy.

People that don't have anxieties around this sort of thing will never understand.

Anyone who wants to imply I'm an evil step mother, bollocks to you.

OP posts:
Original poster
UberUbers · 07/04/2022 22:43

@Cherrysoup

Blowing raspberries is definitely covering him in spit, pretty icky if on his face, it’s very unhygienic, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to tell them not to do that. Yanbu.
Thank you for understanding where I'm coming from
OP posts:
Daydreamsinsantafe · 07/04/2022 23:16

We are a nuclear family and both of us don’t like the older children touching the baby’s face without washed hands or too much kissing on the lips etc.
We also don’t do that because germs are easily spread. Surely that’s just common sense to try and keep a baby healthy?

When we all got covid, baby included, it came from school so it’s not an undue paranoia.

Freddiefox · 07/04/2022 23:19

I don’t think yabu, but I think you can teach them how to interact, maybe they can blow raspberries on his arm instead?

Maray1967 · 07/04/2022 23:35

Some of the responses here are rather strange. There is no way I would have allowed DS1 to do this to dS 2, and he was 7 years older not 10 plus.
OP, just say, as kindly as possible, no blowing raspberries at his face. He’d love you to show him x toy etc …

phoenixrosehere · 07/04/2022 23:43

OP, YANBU.

It doesn’t matter whether the children are related or not. Such behaviour is not acceptable from children that old enough to to be blowing raspberries on a baby’s face. Adults wouldn’t like it if another adult did it to them so why is it ok for a baby? I wouldn’t let my own children do that to a baby. There are many other ways to bond with a baby than that.

MarbleQueen · 07/04/2022 23:55

I wouldn’t let my older children do this to my baby. Having spit on your face is not nice regardless of how much “fun” it is and 10 year olds know this dam well.

This is something kids like to do to others but they don’t like it done to them.I’ve never heard any kid ask for someone to blow raspberry’s on their face and leave them with a face full of spit.

stormswiftlysweetafton · 08/04/2022 00:10

I don't think there's a problem with telling the older child not to blow raspberries in the baby's face, but unless they're currently ill, I don't think you can stop them from getting very close, face to face. (If they are ill, I think it's okay to explain that we try not to share our germs. But by the time they have symptoms, the damage may already be done.)

Not wanting spittle from one child in the face of the other seems perfectly reasonable, even between siblings. It's not polite behaviour.

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