To not want older children breathing and blowing raspberries in my babies face?

[UberUbers]

I'll be completely upfront, I feel a touch germ 'phobic' at the minute after just getting over my second bout of covid and a nasty bug a couple of weeks prior. My poor baby has had it all along with me.

I know 'germs are everywhere and can't be avoided, you can't wrap babies in cotton wool' yada yada, but I feel really uncomfortable with older children coming right up to his face and breathing on it / blowing raspberries, peppering hin with spittle.

I really don't like it and want to ask that it stops, but AIBU?

The baby will catch whatever the siblings have anyway without them blowing raspberries. That's what happens when you live together and play etc.

YABU.

Also the way you have phrased your first post you seemed to completely disregard that these older children are your child's siblings. I wonder if this attitude shows up elsewhere in your life?

@LampLighter414

The baby will catch whatever the siblings have anyway without them blowing raspberries. That's what happens when you live together and play etc.

YABU.

Also the way you have phrased your first post you seemed to completely disregard that these older children are your child's siblings. I wonder if this attitude shows up elsewhere in your life?

Baby wouldn't necessarily catch whatever they've got when they're ill if reasonable precautions are taken such as the no raspberries thing. As I said above my DP didn't catch covid despite the rest of us having it after they picked it up at school.

Thankfully they were almost asymptomatic apart from a slightly runny nose, but me and baby were miserable with it. I'm still having some worrying cardiac symptoms now over a month later.

Your last paragraph is frankly rubbish, I thought it was obvious I was referring to family. A stranger in the street is hardly going to come and blow raspberries on a babies face now are they?

I'm not in the least germphobic but even I would draw the line at blowing raspberries in a baby's face.

It's the end of winter, we're all a bit rundown and whatever the line the government is pushing covid has not gone away. In the last few weeks, A&E and the ambulance service have routinely been overwhelmed, schools are full of it and travel severely disrupted. Because of my age, I've just had my fourth vaccination, but the take-up for teenagers has been disappointing, they've only just released it for younger school kids and not at all for babies.

I don't think Op is being unreasonable in wanting to protect her baby from whatever new variant is causing this wave, as well as the usual colds, coughs and sickness bugs. It's miserable for a baby to try to feed with a blocked up nose or have its sleep disrupted by coughing.

It's just common sense.

I think people are being weirdly harsh on you here. If they are 10+ there is no harm asking them to please not do that, remember how sick the little one got from covid? We don't want that again, do we? I say similar to my own kids about their little brother and they understand fine, no harm done and they are younger than 10.

You should tell them not to blow raspberries - I find that rude and wouldn’t let my kids do it.

However, siblings will pass germs to one another. It’s just part of life with older kids and babies. I mean it spreads even in workplaces, of course young kids will spread it at home. It’s unfortunate but inevitable.

Depending on the age of the older kids, you could move them on to a different way of interacting. "Oh I'm not sure baby likes raspberries in his face, have you tried blowing them on his feet, I bet that would make him laugh!"

Or distract them by asking them to do something like show the baby their favourite toy, or the drawing they did at school, or their new t shirt - you don't have to tell them off, just move them on to something else if you see them doing it.

@Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese

I think people are being weirdly harsh on you here. If they are 10+ there is no harm asking them to please not do that, remember how sick the little one got from covid? We don't want that again, do we? I say similar to my own kids about their little brother and they understand fine, no harm done and they are younger than 10.

Yeah i agree that you could just explain why. I wouldn't like someone blowing on my face - not for germ reasons it would just be irritating - so I don't think YABU to want them to stop.

My 3.5 year old has a wonderful, close and affectionate relationship with my 6 month old. This includes kisses and blowing raspberries. Occasionally this means that he passes on a bug (my baby has had colds, chicken pox and norovirus, all caught from his brother...) but I wouldn't dream of telling my oldest that he can't demonstrate affection just in case he makes the baby unwell, I feel the long term relationship between the two siblings is far more important.

@Poppins2016

My 3.5 year old has a wonderful, close and affectionate relationship with my 6 month old. This includes kisses and blowing raspberries. Occasionally this means that he passes on a bug (my baby has had colds, chicken pox and norovirus, all caught from his brother...) but I wouldn't dream of telling my oldest that he can't demonstrate affection just in case he makes the baby unwell, I feel the long term relationship between the two siblings is far more important.

I mean at 10 and over most children should understand that you can ‘demonstrate affection’ without spitting on people.

I wouldn’t want my child to blow raspberries on me and I don’t blow raspberries on them so it stands to reason I don’t let them do it to each other. There’s loads of more appropriate ways to show affection to a baby sibling - tickling, singing nursery rhymes, peek a boo, reading stories to them, hugging them. No reason for a 10/11 year old to be blowing raspberries in someone’s face.

You're a stepmum on mumsnet so of course you're being unreasonable.

You're not btw. I totally get it. We have caught covid twice and then norovirus from my DSC. Seeing your baby ill and knowing where they have caught that sickness from, your natural instincts kick in and you want to protect them from that. Seeing the spittle on your baby's face will literally be showing you germs passing from one body to another and your natural instinct will be to prevent that. The problem is, because they are your baby's siblings they will get closer to your baby more often than any other child or person who might pass on germs, but because they are not your own children you feel awkward to tell them not to spit or blow raspberries on your baby the way you might feel able to if they were your own children.

I absolutely love how my DSC interact with my baby. It literally melts my heart to watch the bond they have and I wouldn't want to prevent that at all but it gives me the fear when they kiss her face when they have a visibly running nose or when they are playing a game involving touching her face and i don't know if they've got clean hands (we have issues getting them to wash them, they'll scratch their bums, wipe after the toilet, pick their noses and not wash their hands or say they have when they haven't. We're working on it.). After covid and norovirus I have been much stronger in being able to say, "darling, you need to wash your hands before you play with the baby like that" or "if your nose is runny let's blow kisses/kiss her feet instead" whereas before I would be nervous to in case it would somehow stop them from playing with her or make them feel like they couldn't. It hasn't, they still play and interact with her all the time.

I would definitely ask them to stop, but instead of phrasing in a negative, "don't do this" way, then I'd try saying, "with covid and us catching it a couple of times now, to try make sure baby doesn't catch it again instead of blowing raspberries why don't we..." and give an alternative way for them to interact and play with your baby instead.

I have told older children to go play elsewhere if they are unable to play without getting in my baby's face. I have also had lots of parents of older children say to them be careful not too close to the baby etc so I'm with you OP.

Jesus. M
Give your head a wobble. Stop denying your child a normal human experience.

Yes it would. I dont let my kids do it to each other or to me. I dont want covid or anything else.

YANBU, I visited a cousin’s 2mo baby recently and was careful that his older siblings didn’t get in his face too much, it’s instinct to want to protect a baby.

The question is why don’t you feel able to ask them not to blow raspberries in his face? Does your DH make you feel guilty?

@CrikeyItsACroc

Jesus. M Give your head a wobble. Stop denying your child a normal human experience.

I had no idea getting raspberries blown in your face was an expected part of life. I guess I must be missing out on a "normal human experience" as I'm pretty sure nobody has ever done this to me.

@DockOTheBay how sad that no one wanted to make you giggle and wriggle. Babies usually thing raspberries are the best thing ever. Impressed that you remember your first few months though.

I doubt my children remember having raspberries blown at them either, seeing as it mainly happened before they were 6 months old. By the time they’re at an age that they are would remember it happening they tend to have grown out of laughing at raspberry noises.

[quote Porcupineintherough]@DockOTheBay how sad that no one wanted to make you giggle and wriggle. Babies usually thing raspberries are the best thing ever. Impressed that you remember your first few months though.[/quote]
I don't have any older siblings or cousins, and adults don't blow raspberries right in your face because its bizarre. Tummy maybe, or feet?

Even if they don’t remember it then things like that do help with their development and learning the shapes and sounds their voice can make

I believe in building immune systems by exposure. However with babies under 1, I think that you avoid unnecessary risks. Chicken pox and Flu can hospitalise a baby. I'd direct them to peek-a-boo. Some babies find whistling funny and you don't have to do it at them. Just until we are out of cough/cold season. I don't know wether reading stuff around the immune system would help you, especially at the crawling stage. It's really useful for them to crawl on soil.

But they are siblings. If you are too worried about germs you'll end up saying siblings can't hug or loss the baby, it's a shame to deny them a normal affectionate relationship with their sibling. My DS used to love blowing raspberries on his baby sisters tummy, it was some of her earliest laughs and was a lovely bonding experience between them.

*hug or kiss!

@arethereanyleftatall

Yabu. I can't get over the fact that you avoided saying they were siblings in your op! As if they were some random children off the street, not your own step children.

I voted YABU even before I found out they were the baby’s siblings! But crikey, older brothers and sisters playing and blowing raspberries with a baby is a lovely thing. You’re overthinking the spit. Maybe this is what the pandemic has done to us.

It's okay not to want spit on your baby's face. But don't make a big deal of it or ask for your DH's help. Next time they want to blow raspberries, just say pleasantly and naturally "just be careful not to get spit on baby's face, because we don't want him to pick up any gems while he's so little"
It doesn't have to be a big deal that makes things awkward.

My DS used to love blowing raspberries on his baby sisters tummy, it was some of her earliest laughs and was a lovely bonding experience between them.

There’s a massive difference between blowing raspberries on a baby’s tummy vs blowing them in their face.