Picking up niece from school

[archetypes]

My youngest son and my brothers daughter, my niece start school in September, they will be in the same class at the same school. My SIL is pregnant with her second child. She is due in September, today my SIL asked me if I would pick my niece up everyday from school and drop her off at home for the whole time she is on maternity leave, I said no I've got my own and children said she’ll be off anyway. She got all annoyed with me and asked how she’s meant to do school pick up when the baby is sleeping or if she’s had a bad night. She shouted at me that she would have to get up at the crack of dawn (school starts at 8.45 and is a five minute walk away) to take niece to school with a newborn and then do the same at 3.30, when will she get a rest.

My AIBU is I’m not missing something am I , this is totally out of order millions on mums including myself have done school pick up and drop off with newborns. Im a firm believer of if you choose to have children you look after them yourself. I already have my niece after nursery until my brother and SIL finish work, I don’t want to do it when she’s at home I want the time she’s on Mat leave to look after my own children.

Sorry for the ramble.

@archetypes

I’m a SAHM my SIL works full time so that’s why I do all the nursery/ school runs at the moment, I was a nanny and a nursery nurse before having my own children, so I like spending time with children but it’s all just got a bit much.

We are struggling for money like most at the moment, my husband works away two days a week. my brother and SIL are mortgage free with a second home, which I’m not bitter about they have worked hard but they couldn’t of done anything without my help,

If money is tight then set yourself up with childminding after and before school.

One of the mums at my dc school would charge £5.50 per hour and would have children dropped at her house at 7am for breakfast and then would take them to school. Pick up in the evening and parents would collect by 7pm
She would charge £5.50 per hour per child.
She looked after 4 children as well as her 2 and would only take children who were in her children’s years so they all had similar homework etc She was fully booked. She also did school holidays charging at the same rate of £5.50 per hour for 12 hours per day.

If you are short of money and want to get out of being used for free then sil and db can put their hands into their well lined pockets and start paying.
I bet they never do anything for free.

If you want to just enjoy your children for now then start at a later date

I don’t think you can realise the amount of money you are missing out on. Friend had a brand new people car every 3 years and a very nice detached house.

She's a lazy CF. I wouldn't even do the occasional pick up/drop off for her after that behaviour. Most mums have to get their shit together and do school runs with a baby in tow, not always on time but we get there.

How rude. I would have done it for the first few weeks. I've done that for neighbours before so would do it for family. But your sil is just being a lazy cow.

Blimey, put in some boundaries, they are totally taking advantage of you

You SIL can do what I and millions of other parents have done and take her newborn with her.

OP why are you picking up your niece everyday? I appreciate they both work but it limits your ability to do things with your family. I personally would put a stop on this totally and not do it once her maternity leave finishes unless I was paid reasonably well to do it.

You don't owe your brother and his wife childcare. They need to do this themselves and his wife has shown how entitled she is by demanding you drop off and pick up there child from school while she lounges about with her newborn.

Start making her to much more of the parenting, day to day running around or you will find more and more demands are placed on you particularly when she realises how much more work a second child is. Do you really want to still be expected to do nursery runs/school runs for your brother's kids in 5 to 10 years time? If they have another child will they be expecting the same?

Bit sad that she's not interested in picking up her first child at all.

didn't take long for this shit to rear it's head. ZZZZZZZZ. I didn't either because you know, i had to work.

OP I'd be making it clear, right now that as soon as her ML starts the arrangement with your niece ends. Assuming SIL is your sibling's wife? ask the sibling that now SIL is on ML she can do post nursery pick ups half the time so you get the afternoons to yourself... see how that goes doen.

But in your position? meh. I wouldn't be lifting a finger for them at all.

"Im a firm believer of if you choose to have children you look after them yourself."

I was going to say that children do best in extended families and it's nice to all pitch in. However they've took the piss. You should have been paid and they should have reciprocated.
Speak to your brother and ask for payment. I do free childcare for my DD, who is a LP after DV. I get paid by other people who I babysit for. Unless they are really stuck. The same people then offered to do shopping etc during lock down. They've figured you in to their plans to have another without consulting you, CFers.

Just because you're a SAHM and she's working doesn't mean you have to do childcare for her! She's enjoying the benefits of working (more money), and you should enjoy the benefits of not working (not looking after her children). What a CF! Yes, school runs and newborns don't mix very well, but bloody hell, we all do it!

I was doing the school run 3 days after a c section with DC with SEN who runs off and a newborn. YANBU. She's being lazy.

She shouted at you😂😂😂ffs and you normally mind her child,tbh id cut that one loose because if you had done that for the whole time she was on maternity leave and then didn't do it for just one day she still would've shouted at you.She also has some cheek.Is she your brother's wife or your husband's sister?

Sorry I see its your brother's wife

She is 100% taking the piss.

Requesting a split/share would have been fine though, or just some help for those first few weeks.

I had help for the first 3 weeks after having my youngest and then I was dropping my then 5 year old to school with my two toddlers aged 2&3 and newborn;it's incredibly entitled behaviour to ask you to do it for her entire maternity leave

@archetypes

I’ve already picked my niece up everyday from nursery for the last three years (obviously for free)I know it might sound selfish but I’m looking forward to coming home and just having my own children for one year, I’ll be picking my niece up after her Mat leave finishes, and I’ll help out if there’s sickness or whatever but I feel taken advantage of. I babysit and take my niece out all the time, even on weekends and not once have they had my children.

It's not selfish. You're being there for your child. I love walking my little one to school and back. It's our time. I helped out a friend a few times and having 3 children definitely changed the dynamic. Stick to your guns. You're perfectly entitled to say no considering you've already done this for 3 years!

Btw at school pick up, 2 mums had babies last month and both were back on the school run surprisingly early. Yes they're tired but they want to be there for their child's first year at school.

@archetypes

I’ve already picked my niece up everyday from nursery for the last three years (obviously for free)I know it might sound selfish but I’m looking forward to coming home and just having my own children for one year, I’ll be picking my niece up after her Mat leave finishes, and I’ll help out if there’s sickness or whatever but I feel taken advantage of. I babysit and take my niece out all the time, even on weekends and not once have they had my children.

This just gets worse so you picked her childvup everyday from nursery for 3 year I know exactly what the problem is here,its that she sees herself as a full time working mother while you are the lazy sahm with nothing else to do so why wouldn't you look after her child😴😴😴.its a pity you didn't see right through that one sooner

@stormswiftlysweetafton

Good grief. YADNBU.

I think this would be a good time to let your brother know that you've already been finding it a bit much, providing free childcare every workday and will need to scale back. You deserve quality time with your own children. Being a SAHM means a sacrifice in income and career. You do that primarily for the benefit of your own family, not your brother and SIL! Helping occasionally is one thing, but every workday?! They need a wake-up call.

Good point.

Omg. Why on earth would she not want to do a school run when her DD starts her first school. We have all done the school run with a newborn baby. I have 6 DC and trust me I have got all mine to school on time with baby in tow. I understand the odd time you would offer. But all the time No way. She is taking you for a mug as you do the nursery run now. She is at risk of losing you as a helper for when she really does need it. Unbelievable

I don’t know her but I can already imagine what she’s like - she’ll return home from hospital and head straight to the sofa (or even bed) and expect everyone to fuss around her, with the threat of shouting or heaving sobs if they don’t oblige. Yuck you owe her nothing. Feel sorry for your little niece though, having to live with that.

And in terms of you being a trained nanny?

They’ve taken your time - for free - for years and that saving for them has helped them get a second house, mortgage-free.

If you start looking after your niece again after her maternity, charge them. Market rates. With a contract and holiday pay.

If you were a builder, would you have built the house for them for free? I doubt it.

Stop being a doormat.

You’re trained and qualified, and instead of using that training to benefit your own family, your brother is using for free to give his family a leg up.

The bloody nerve.

Finally someone on mumsnet who can say no!

That's ridiculous, tell her to get a decent baby carrier and get a grip.

This would make me reply- I think this needs to end permanently since you don’t appreciate what I’ve already done for you, it’s not fair on my children either.
Find someone else to do it when you go back to work.

My dd was born when my ds was in reception and whilst it was hectic and involved being very organised, you just get into the swing of things! I cannot believe the brass neck of this woman, it’s her own child and surely this would have been something to factor in given the age gap between her kids?! Not your problem at all. Plus she’s on maternity leave. Absolute entitled mare.

@LBFseBrom

If it doesn't involve you going too far out of your way, I cannot see any reason not to do drop offs and pick ups for your niece. It is hardly going to inconvenience you if you're nearby and you'll have time with just your children while your sister in law is on maternity leave.

I think it can be very stressful and difficult having to get two ready when one is just a baby, in the morning (yes I know lots of people manage to do it), and you don't know how well and alert your sister in law will be at that time. She must be worried about this or wouldn't have asked you. Why add to her stress while she is pregnant?

The chances are that after a while she will feel up to doing the school run and actually like going there with her baby but until she is sure she does, it would be a nice thing for you to help her in this way, especially as you'll be going there anyway.

Why is this OPs responsibility? She is a SAHM to be there for her own children. Why should she be unpaid childcare for someone who clearly doesn't appreciate it. Your SIL is a CF. Stop enabling her.

@archetypes

I’m a SAHM my SIL works full time so that’s why I do all the nursery/ school runs at the moment, I was a nanny and a nursery nurse before having my own children, so I like spending time with children but it’s all just got a bit much.

We are struggling for money like most at the moment, my husband works away two days a week. my brother and SIL are mortgage free with a second home, which I’m not bitter about they have worked hard but they couldn’t of done anything without my help,

I'd suggest you look into becoming a paid childminder and tell your SIL that anything you do by way of looking after your niece from now on will be on the basis of payment at commercial rates.