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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Picking up niece from school

253 replies

archetypes · 07/04/2022 19:28

My youngest son and my brothers daughter, my niece start school in September, they will be in the same class at the same school. My SIL is pregnant with her second child. She is due in September, today my SIL asked me if I would pick my niece up everyday from school and drop her off at home for the whole time she is on maternity leave, I said no I've got my own and children said she’ll be off anyway. She got all annoyed with me and asked how she’s meant to do school pick up when the baby is sleeping or if she’s had a bad night. She shouted at me that she would have to get up at the crack of dawn (school starts at 8.45 and is a five minute walk away) to take niece to school with a newborn and then do the same at 3.30, when will she get a rest.

My AIBU is I’m not missing something am I , this is totally out of order millions on mums including myself have done school pick up and drop off with newborns. Im a firm believer of if you choose to have children you look after them yourself. I already have my niece after nursery until my brother and SIL finish work, I don’t want to do it when she’s at home I want the time she’s on Mat leave to look after my own children.

Sorry for the ramble.

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 08/04/2022 13:45

Your brother knows you are struggling but doesn't pay you either in cash or kind for looking after his child every week day plus evening babysitting and some weekends? Have I got this right? And never had your child/ children in return?
I'd say you can't afford to do it for free even when SiL does go back to work.

Sartre · 08/04/2022 13:47

I think this is a case of giving an inch I’m afraid. You already look after her every day until they finish work so they just expect you’ll help them out here too. Very cheeky and entitled, I’d stop having her after nursery personally. They need to pay for childcare if they have no one else to help but SIL can definitely do the school run when she’s on maternity leave as most women do.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 08/04/2022 13:50

Don’t be a mug, OP (any longer).completely sack her off and do not resume when her ML finishes 🙄

FrogFairy · 08/04/2022 13:59

Reciprocal arrangements can make life easier for everyone but this is all take and no give. You are a SAHM to be with your own children with all that entails in terms in loss of career/income and pension.

Hell would freeze over before I provided childcare to someone who thought it acceptable to shout at me and demand that I do their bidding (all for free)

NothingIsWrong · 08/04/2022 14:13

Ha. My youngest did the school run with me at less than 24 hours old. Easy birth and straight home 3 hours later late one Sunday. DH took the kids to school the next morning, but had to work as self employed. I picked them up with Miss Tiny in a sling. We are about a 5min walk as well. I was a little slower than usual, but it was fine.

I appreciate that a difficult birth would make that hard, but surely if she very kindly accepted a small offer of 2/3 weeks she'd be OK after that? If things go very wrong that can be discussed at the time, but expecting a year off is bonkers

Samarie123 · 08/04/2022 14:47

apple.news/AJuN19vBORWSEFapVDDczLA
It’s made the Mirror

Cervinia · 08/04/2022 14:56

How do they go to the same school when she’s five minutes walk and you’re 20 mins drive?

Misses point ……..

iRun2eatCake · 08/04/2022 14:57

@archetypes

I love to please people but I did feel like this ask was a bit much, so thank you to everyone for agreeing with me I knew deep down I wasn’t the one being unreasonable.
So what are you going to do about it?

If you're struggling for money and this is your last child to go to school - this is a huge opportunity for you to get back into employment also.

Hollywolly1 · 08/04/2022 15:04

@MajorCarolDanvers

I'd do the first few weeks of new baby but after she's being at total CF
Really you suggesting that the op do the first few weeks🤣🤣🤣,she shouldn't do anything ever again and btw op what were the parents doing that you baby sat at weekends like wtf probably off drinking coffee with friends or out enjoying themselves. The thing that's going to annoy the op now is they will hire someone and pay them top dollar
Hollywolly1 · 08/04/2022 15:06

I think a lot of people are very annoyed that you would allow yourself to be treated so so badly,they are awful users

hungrymutha · 08/04/2022 15:35

They're taking you for granted

Perhaps you can issue them with an invoice for the childcare you've offered them

Wrap around care doesnt come cheap

WinniesHunny · 08/04/2022 15:58

@LBFseBrom

If you say so, Littlebear. I was just giving my opinion but I'm not someone who always thinks they're right. They are family and families do help each other.

However I will add that I think they should pay the op something, if they didn't have her they'd be paying out quite a lot to someone else.

At the end of the day, it's up to the op to decide what to do. Maybe there will be a compromise and they'll take it in turns.

As they say, opinions are like arseholes. We all have one...and yours fucking stinks,
Witchymcwitch · 08/04/2022 15:58

The OP wasn’t asking for opinions on her employment status!

LadyEloise1 · 08/04/2022 16:08

The OP hasn't come back.

Indicatrice · 08/04/2022 16:27

@LadyEloise1

The OP hasn't come back.
Hmm.
Easterisoffeggstooexpensive · 08/04/2022 16:27

Op is doing the school run!

beautifullymad · 08/04/2022 16:55

I think you've been super generous with your help to them over the years.

Your SIL has started to expect your help and not question if it's reasonable. She's taking you for granted big time.

Her attitude to her expecting you to automatically help out for her maternity leave speaks volumes.

Good for you declining.

If I were you I would be offering to help out with lifts for the first six weeks after birth. Because she's family and it will help relations going forwards. But, I would be very clear that after this you are withdrawing and won't be able to pick up again once maternity leave finishes. Give them warning so they can find a child minder in good time.

Why should you be funding their lifestyle? It's not as if they are reciprocating childcare.

They have taken your goodwill for granted.

LadyEloise1 · 08/04/2022 18:08

@Indicatrice
"Hmm" indeed.

Original poster
archetypes · 08/04/2022 18:57

@Cervinia it’s a faith school we attend the synagogue it’s the only Jewish school around.

OP posts:
Cervinia · 08/04/2022 19:40

[quote archetypes]@Cervinia it’s a faith school we attend the synagogue it’s the only Jewish school around.[/quote]
Fair enough, I hope you’ve got her told now! Cheeky madam she is.

Eddielizzard · 08/04/2022 20:28

Imagine her telling her friends how hard done by she is - free childcare for years and now her SIL won't take her DD to school even though she's on maternity leave. How unfair! Even though she never reciprocates or pays, or gifts anything or shows any appreciation whatsoever! She'll come over as a complete entitled loon

AhNowTed · 08/04/2022 22:16

"If I were you I would be offering to help out with lifts for the first six weeks after birth. Because she's family and it will help relations going forwards."

Really??

Family you say. Family works both ways, and this is a one way street, all for the SILs convenience.

What has SHE done to help family relations apart from take utter advantage of her much less well-off free childcare.

And shown not a jot of gratitude.

No wonder she's mortgage free, at the OPs expense.

She's a selfish cow, and i wouldn't lift another finger for her.

AhNowTed · 08/04/2022 22:33

OP I hope you've told her to get stuffed and you're getting some support from your husband.

Sarahzb · 09/04/2022 01:51

Have baby. Moan when other people don't look after it

mycatisannoying · 09/04/2022 06:23

I would do this for the first few weeks without hesitation Shock
YABU.