Picking up niece from school

[archetypes]

My youngest son and my brothers daughter, my niece start school in September, they will be in the same class at the same school. My SIL is pregnant with her second child. She is due in September, today my SIL asked me if I would pick my niece up everyday from school and drop her off at home for the whole time she is on maternity leave, I said no I've got my own and children said she’ll be off anyway. She got all annoyed with me and asked how she’s meant to do school pick up when the baby is sleeping or if she’s had a bad night. She shouted at me that she would have to get up at the crack of dawn (school starts at 8.45 and is a five minute walk away) to take niece to school with a newborn and then do the same at 3.30, when will she get a rest.

My AIBU is I’m not missing something am I , this is totally out of order millions on mums including myself have done school pick up and drop off with newborns. Im a firm believer of if you choose to have children you look after them yourself. I already have my niece after nursery until my brother and SIL finish work, I don’t want to do it when she’s at home I want the time she’s on Mat leave to look after my own children.

Sorry for the ramble.

Why will you be having your niece again after her mat leave. Do they compensate you or do anything doe you. Just say no. Say after mat leave you won't be able to have niece any more. Stop it now or soon you'll have two extra kids every day

You’ll definitely be expected to have both kids every day if you say you’ll have niece again after maternity leave!

Need to be clear that you want to spend time with your own children, not running around sorting out their childcare. They’ve got a year to find an alternative option!

She is taking the piss already! Why are you getting the niece from nursery all the time? It would be fair if you shared it and she got your kids sometimes. At the moment she is taking the piss and expects you to carry on. Give people like that an inch and they take a mile!! Tell her you will not be picking up her kid. Now or in the future! Good Luck with this. You are obviously nice and like to be helpful but she is happy to let you do all the hard work!

I would have offered while she was recovering and then ask to split it!! They are taking you for a mug having her everyday after nursery and when she goes back to work every from school. I'm very close to my niece and sister and wouldn't be doing that!
My niece and daughter will be going to the same school and we're going to split it around my shifts instead of us all going all the time.

If she was asking for you to help whilst she was recovering and just settling when her dh returns to work then fair enough but for the whole maternity leave is just crazy!
She will have to figure out a routine at some point

@archetypes

I’ve already picked my niece up everyday from nursery for the last three years (obviously for free)I know it might sound selfish but I’m looking forward to coming home and just having my own children for one year, I’ll be picking my niece up after her Mat leave finishes, and I’ll help out if there’s sickness or whatever but I feel taken advantage of. I babysit and take my niece out all the time, even on weekends and not once have they had my children.

That's why she expected you to help her whilst on Mat leave. She had factored you in as non-hired help when planning another child.

I think you need to have a rethink about what you're happy to do long term as you are basically giving up your own DC quality time with you.

Gather you'll be the holiday childcare too...

No - this isn’t on. She needs to put in place proper childcare and pay for it. She has mat leave to find it

I agree. Now’s the time to rethink this arrangement when her mat leave is over. If they aren’t paying you, you can ask for payment for up to 2 hours childcare without being ofsted registered. You’ve been very generous for a very long time. Consider putting yourself and your kids first.

2-3 weeks then no. Every other parent has to cope

She's so cheeky!

Why havent they had your children when you pick up their daughter every day from school?

This is her responsibility. Tell her that.

You’re too nice and need to put some boundaries in place. Make it clear with zero emotion that you have looked after x and haven’t complained and not had any help in return but did so because you cared and wanted to help as they could not because of work. With new baby she can and she should and if she can’t accept that they need to pay for childcare after she returns from maternity leave as you will not be available.

I think there's going to be a row whatever you do, so decide what works for you and stick to it.

I'd suggest that might be to pick your niece up once a week for tea -- I think going from every day to nothing could be confusing for her, especially with a new baby. She could feel really pushed out.

But if they don't reciprocate then I think you should definitely cut back. 3 years! You have saved them thousands!

Why do you do so much for them when she treats you like shit in return? Stop, you've found your backbone and said she can pick up her own child during her maternity. They will have to work something out between them re childcare, don't be the muggins that does it for free in the name of 'family'. If they try to guilt trip you be firm that it cuts both ways and would they have your kids every weekend so you can get a break? They'll say no so fast your head will spin, learn to do the same.

She is walking all over you.
Do you get any favours in return at all?

How bizarre. People have said you're too nice, but it's not actually nice to be putting your rude SIL over your own children getting more time with their mother, without a cousin there.

She's being bizarre, loads of us have to do pick up and drop off - and she'll actually have it easier than most, if she has an older child at school most of the day and so just the baby for a lot of the time (for the poster who had babies close together so there was no dropoff with a newborn to contend with, that honestly sounds silly, as 2 small ones home together is much more work than two journeys out the a day with just 1 baby)

Tell her no, and if there are more tantrums it shouldn't be happening ever. She's being awful.

I can’t understand why did you pick up your niece regularly for 3 years and why you are going to do this again after SIL’s maternity leave?

Help out the First couple of weeks after baby arrives, maybe longer if she has a C section, but mums with babies do leave their houses in the morning….and in the afternoon. My neighbour’s oldest started school 3 weeks after her youngest was born—- and there were two more in between. She had no help, like a military operation but they all set out every morning to walk to school, again in the afternoon.

Hilarious! I had friends on call for the first weeks after dc2 was born to grab dd if I didn't turn up / rang them last minute. After that I mucked in with everyone else as we always had!

You do realise she is expecting you to get dc2 from nursery everyday as well as dn from school too once she goes back to work... you'd be an absolute mug to do this.

Nip that in the bud now whilst you have the chance else you'll have both of them for ever more!! She wants to try one in full time school, one half days at preschool plus newborn....... Which is what I stupidly had with no family help whatsoever🤦😂

Plus you are saving her quite literally ££££££££

I’m a SAHM my SIL works full time so that’s why I do all the nursery/ school runs at the moment, I was a nanny and a nursery nurse before having my own children, so I like spending time with children but it’s all just got a bit much.

We are struggling for money like most at the moment, my husband works away two days a week. my brother and SIL are mortgage free with a second home, which I’m not bitter about they have worked hard but they couldn’t of done anything without my help,