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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding. Reasonable or unreasonable?

420 replies

Purple1998 · 07/04/2022 14:30

Hello! I just want some opinions.

Basically I'm a bridesmaid for my sister next year, I wear dreadlock extensions, they're quite expensive and they need fitting in every few months. My sister has said to me she or should I say "told" me that I'm not having dreads in for her wedding... granted I won't because it's her day, but my boyfriend thinks she's out of order because he thinks she's basically telling me to not be myself. What do you think? He recons I should say something but I don't think I want to cause agro and would rather her just be happy on her day, not that my hair should make her otherwise... she was a bit cheeky about it because I did tell her that they're expensive and was hoping she wouldn't bring them up, but she replied with "money can't buy taste" Hmm

Do you think she's being reasonable?

OP posts:
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5
KELLOGSspeck · 08/04/2022 08:23

@DropYourSword

so the extensions can easily be removed and put back in at a later date

Easily?! Confused

Yes. Have you had braids? Dreadlocks yourself?

This is my issue here with and OP. OP actually looks nice tbh and she is very attractive. However the audacity of you to speak to confidently about Easily???

What do you know, have you personal experience of any type of Cornrow, box braids or any type of braids for that matter.

It's not that difficult like OP first made out and just to be clear I've worn these styles Myself first hand.

saggyhairyass · 08/04/2022 08:26

Although there is a question over a white woman having dreads I think OP is a very attractive woman and has lovely hair. I would tell the sister to Do One.

AllOfUsAreDead · 08/04/2022 08:26

Money can't buy manners either apparently. What a bitch.

EthelTheAardvark · 08/04/2022 08:27

Must admit, I laughed at the "Money can't buy taste" comment. Such a sisterly thing to say!

And maybe there's more than a grain of truth?

TabithaTittlemouse · 08/04/2022 08:28

I think you are beautiful op. Do whatever makes you happy.

weaselish · 08/04/2022 08:35

I think your hair looks great, and as it's a style you've had for a while, your sister is out of order.

TheKeatingFive · 08/04/2022 08:45

Although there is a question over a white woman having dreads

Why though?

Dreads are prevalent in many cultures, including the ancient Greeks, the Celts, the vikings. All white.

The idea that one culture 'owns' dreads is just total nonsense.

starsss · 08/04/2022 08:46

you are so pretty op! and although they're not really my thing I actually think you pull them off well.

as for your sisters wedding, if you really dont mind and she is going to make a fuss about it, for your own sanity I would just not have them for the day.

PinkPlantCase · 08/04/2022 08:47

I agree with PP that fake dreds on white people doesn’t sit well with me.

I don’t think your sister is being unreasonable to ask, though I also don’t think you’d be unreasonable to say no.

KELLOGSspeck · 08/04/2022 08:54

@EthelTheAardvark

Must admit, I laughed at the "Money can't buy taste" comment. Such a sisterly thing to say!

And maybe there's more than a grain of truth?

No OPS sister was rude though she should not of said that though. She could of explained herself better.
AllThingsServeTheBeam · 08/04/2022 08:55

@TheKeatingFive

Although there is a question over a white woman having dreads

Why though?

Dreads are prevalent in many cultures, including the ancient Greeks, the Celts, the vikings. All white.

The idea that one culture 'owns' dreads is just total nonsense.

This. I've had fake and real dreads before. I am having my extensions put back in in the summer as it is a lot easier for me.
pinkyredrose · 08/04/2022 09:05

Crufts

Why did you write that @givethatbabyaname?

milkyaqua · 08/04/2022 09:07

Are you on the same thread as us? Usually MN is so middle class.... now people are so accepting of OP wearing dread locks which is up to her however she should not be arguing that it is not from a black culture..OR claiming it is part of her FFS it is not. I don't see many white people with dreads if that's the case why is this?? just like tanning is frequent in a white culture. It is what it is. But OP should own it at least it is a Ethnic minority hair style it's offensive that you and others who clearly are cultturally uneducated but yet so adamant to tell others about their heritage...

What?

GrumpyTerrier · 08/04/2022 10:11

I really can't understand why people get hung up on wanting their wedding photos to look a certain way. Surely it should be a beautiful snapshot of the day, with friends and family being who they actually are at the time? A photoshoot where everything is curated and not true-to-life means nothing.

MajorCarolDanvers · 08/04/2022 10:12

Your sister is BU

Your dreads look awesome and really suit you and I'm not a huge fan of them. But you carry it off.

Fancylike · 08/04/2022 11:05

After seeing your photos, I understand your sister's point. Your decision to get loc extensions is appropriation and you seem determined to pretend it isn't.

By wearing these in for her wedding, you're putting her in a really awkward position where other guests will have to be confronted by this appropriative mess. The photographer will need to crop you out of photos, or not include you in group shots. Otherwise she can never share those photos publicly because it's embarrassing to have such an obviously out of touch person in your bridal party, it's the kind of uncomfortable thing that goes viral.

It's not a protective hairstyle for you, it's not your real hair, it's not your culture, give your head a wobble and consider how racist you look.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 08/04/2022 11:06

@Fancylike

After seeing your photos, I understand your sister's point. Your decision to get loc extensions is appropriation and you seem determined to pretend it isn't.

By wearing these in for her wedding, you're putting her in a really awkward position where other guests will have to be confronted by this appropriative mess. The photographer will need to crop you out of photos, or not include you in group shots. Otherwise she can never share those photos publicly because it's embarrassing to have such an obviously out of touch person in your bridal party, it's the kind of uncomfortable thing that goes viral.

It's not a protective hairstyle for you, it's not your real hair, it's not your culture, give your head a wobble and consider how racist you look.

Absolutely ridiculous 🤣
HangingRock25 · 08/04/2022 11:12

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HangingRock25 · 08/04/2022 11:15

Before I go I will say though in OP's defence that I think people are confusing dreadlocks with braids and cornrows. Dreadlocks are not a race thing. White women and men wore dreadlocks in the 60s. I've also seen many hippy and/or grunge bohemian greenie lefty people in the 90s with dreads who ran all the socialist and environmental protests. Dreadlocks are a bohemian alternate style. They aren't racial like braids are.

KELLOGSspeck · 08/04/2022 11:30

@HangingRock25

Before I go I will say though in OP's defence that I think people are confusing dreadlocks with braids and cornrows. Dreadlocks are not a race thing. White women and men wore dreadlocks in the 60s. I've also seen many hippy and/or grunge bohemian greenie lefty people in the 90s with dreads who ran all the socialist and environmental protests. Dreadlocks are a bohemian alternate style. They aren't racial like braids are.
No you are confused. The MAJORITY of people assuming you live in UK are NOT white wearing dreadlocks... also OP is extentions not wearing for any religious reasons such as Rastafarian beliefs or culture nor a protective hair style if you know what that is!. Your mother clearly taught you no manners with your snobby arse self.... referring to someone as dirty????

Your the type to run in the Sun first and strip down to get a tan. I hope my comment has left an utterly bitter taste in your mouth like wise. Shock

HangingRock25 · 08/04/2022 11:36

@KELLOGSspeck The MAJORITY of people assuming you live in UK are NOT white wearing dreadlocks

I never said they were. Confused

also OP is extentions not wearing for any religious reasons such as Rastafarian beliefs or culture nor a protective hair style if you know what that is!

I never said it was...! Confused

You seem to have completely misunderstood my post.

referring to someone as dirty????

I said to me, it looks dirty.

Your the type to run in the Sun first and strip down to get a tan.

I cannot even begin to understand what you are even saying there.

I hope my comment has left an utterly bitter taste in your mouth like wise.

No, just confused and wondering if I should use a translator to understand your posts.

Squiff70 · 08/04/2022 11:39

Your sister is being unreasonable.

For my wedding, I'd love my bridesmaids to have their hair done in a way that makes THEM feel happy and beautiful and confident. If that's their usual day-to-day style, that's absolutely fine. If they want a pretty updo, or something that's different to how they usually like their hair styled, that's also fine. I want them to feel good and not like they've done things a certain way just to please me. They are my friends and I don't want to change them, nor do I have the right to try, nor do I have the right to tell them they need to change their appearance!

Dreadlocks can and do look beautiful. You maybe could compromise here and ask your sister to help you choose some accessories for your hair which will emphasise your natural beauty.

It's her day, sure, but she doesn't have to right to tell you that you can't have dreads.

KELLOGSspeck · 08/04/2022 11:42

To spend a lot of money on a 'style' that looks greasy and dirty is bizarre to me, instead of a fresh, clean classy beautiful hair.

Is that you OPS sister???

Strictlyfanoftenyears · 08/04/2022 11:45

Ive never understood the cultural appropriation thing. Surely we can do anything with our hair, what does it matter to anyone? (and it looks fab so why not)

inmyslippers · 08/04/2022 11:48

I have never seen a White person look good with dreads. She's doing you w favour