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AIBU?

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Original poster

My sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding. Reasonable or unreasonable?

420 replies

Purple1998 · 07/04/2022 14:30

Hello! I just want some opinions.

Basically I'm a bridesmaid for my sister next year, I wear dreadlock extensions, they're quite expensive and they need fitting in every few months. My sister has said to me she or should I say "told" me that I'm not having dreads in for her wedding... granted I won't because it's her day, but my boyfriend thinks she's out of order because he thinks she's basically telling me to not be myself. What do you think? He recons I should say something but I don't think I want to cause agro and would rather her just be happy on her day, not that my hair should make her otherwise... she was a bit cheeky about it because I did tell her that they're expensive and was hoping she wouldn't bring them up, but she replied with "money can't buy taste" Hmm

Do you think she's being reasonable?

OP posts:
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SquirrelG · 07/04/2022 21:01

The "money can't buy taste" would have me demanding an apology before I would even consider taking on a BM role.

I agree - what a very rude thing to say. If she's so concerned about your hair them she shouldn't have asked you to be BM in the first place. I'm not saying that's right, but she can't ask and then expect you to change your hair.

Trixiefirecracker · 07/04/2022 21:03

I don’t think dreadlocks originated in Egypt? Where is that link?!

WombatStewForTea · 07/04/2022 21:05

I think you look awesome!

Jobsharenightmare · 07/04/2022 21:14

Cultural appropriation isn't a tit for tat argument OP. I don't think you've quite understood the issues there.

KELLOGSspeck · 07/04/2022 21:14

A race doesn't own a hair style however afro hair is a lot more corse than a white person's hair, it is also time consuming and very difficult to manage compared to English hair type. So if you see someone with braids or whatever its not necessarily for a vanity purpose it will be to save on time doing your natural hair each morning. Also hair extensions are often worn as a protective style.

I can see how your sister isn't a fan tbh..she's probably more concerned about the wedding guests faces! If you were to wear dreadlocks at her wedding.

Egypt is also an African Country.

itsgettingweird · 07/04/2022 21:15

She's rude for her comment about money not buying taste.

I'll be totally open and honest as I was reading the thread I had no idea what they'd look like and if I'd personally like them - but I wouldn't ask you to change them to be bridesmaid for me. I'd choose you because I wanted you.

Your sister sounds controlling and as someone who's grown up with one I'd say stop it asap. I left it too late.

As an aside your hair looks fab and I think it's a great style and your baby is very cute!

aceyace · 07/04/2022 21:19

Egypt is a transcontinental country, mostly in N Africa but a part of which lies in Asia.

theonlygirl · 07/04/2022 21:19

@Barkingmadhouse

I can see her point of view, dreadlocks are awful and will affect the photos. Do you think she felt forced (probably by family) to have you as a bridesmaid but doesn't actually want you as one because of your look? Would you not being a bridesmaid create issues with the wider family for her? I know of I had a sister with dreadlocks I wouldn't want her as a bridesmaid
quite possibly the most offensive thing I've ever read.
aceyace · 07/04/2022 21:19

Also, I like your hair and would never ask someone to change who they are for my own purposes

KELLOGSspeck · 07/04/2022 21:41

@aceyace

Egypt is a transcontinental country, mostly in N Africa but a part of which lies in Asia.
Yes it is. That's right Egyptian people are ethnic... the surrounding Countries on a map such as Somalia are also ethnic just like the origin of dread locks that was my main point. Asian people are also ethnic too.
NeverChange · 07/04/2022 21:47

I think she is rude with her comments and if you ask someone to be bridesmaid, you can't try change them to make your ideal photos. It's very shallow.

On a seperate note and I hope you don't mind me saying it, you look fab. I'm jealous of your eye makeup!

JengaTower · 07/04/2022 21:50

But you're willing to change your hair for her wedding because it's your sister and you love her

It's actually your BF who's stirred the pot

If you're happy to do it then just do it if not then don't

Don't feel pressured by either side just do what you feel is best for you

But if you're happy to change your hair but refuse on principle then that's also just silly

cabansunset · 07/04/2022 22:03

As long as when she's your bridesmaid you tell her she needs to wear dreads please!

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/04/2022 22:05

I've taken my piercings out for a wedding when asked.

Dreadlocks on white people aren't something I like. And fake ones being 'you' is a little odd. However this sounds like a sibling bickering.

You just need to decide if it's worth it to you or not.

AWombleScorned · 07/04/2022 22:22

oh. You’re white. You are being culturally appropriative. Signed, a black woman

SaySomethingMan · 07/04/2022 22:31

@Purple1998

Wow, I can't believe how many responses this got! As you can see there's way to many to reply individually however I would like to clear a few things. I don't think my boyfriend is trying to stir shit or be malicious i think it's more the fact he doesn't want someone telling me what I can and can't do and loves me for me. I can see how it may come across but I don't think the goal is drama, plus that is something I personally want to avoid hence why I will just look into doing something else with my hair. I just wanted to know what the majority opinion was and if I was maybe over looking it too much? Because my partner got really upset over it.

Also as for "cultural appropriation" ... I am a white woman. However there's nothing racist or inappropriate about me loving and wearing dreads... a race doesn't own a hair style, I wouldn't dare tell a black person they're doing cultural appropriation for dying their hair blonde? Dreads originally came from Egypt, and through history have been worn by Christian's, vikings, and other ethnicities.

Some people have asked to see my dreads to see if they look nice so I've dropped a picture I think they do, which is my opinion 🤷🏻‍♀️

My sisters comment about money buying taste was cheeky but it is okay because she's my sister but it did grate on me a bit because she meant it, she's always hated how I've dressed etc. to the point where years ago she bought me a hideous pencil flower dress for her first daughters christening that she wanted me to wear... (I always dress appropriately for occasions and I would like to add there's nothing particularly "out there" about my style other than my hair I spose. I'm quite a girly girl tbh. But yeah I think my bf has just had enough of her always wanting to mold me when she has an opportunity to, she comes across embarrassed of me most of the time. But tbh I'm not all that bothered. I can understand why he is though.

Thanks for sharing your opinions

Just correcting your ignorance - there are black people with natural blond hair.

Wearing dreadlocks is cultural appropriation. Wear it but own it.

I’m with your sister. I wouldn’t want you wearing that hairstyle at my wedding, as a white woman.

My sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding. Reasonable or unreasonable?
TheKeatingFive · 07/04/2022 22:38

Oh ffs no race 'owns' dreads. 🤦‍♀️

Your sister is being incredibly rude. You're a person not an accessory. A big fat no is the only appropriate response here.

boomoohoo · 07/04/2022 22:39

This kind of behaviour just baffles me. I really don't get why anyone would want such a 'stock photo' look at a wedding.. aren't our uniquenesses snd differences what make us interesting? I can't imagine wanting anyone in my life to be or look any different to how they are, I just can't fathom it! I would want my wedding to reflect the wonderful diversity of the people in my life. Its like a horror to think of everyone looking v similar or the same!

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 07/04/2022 23:45

Just saw your picture and I think you look lovely and so does your sweet baby.
Your sister is being rude and needs to relax.

Sorry if this has already been suggested but couldn't you get a hairdresser to do a lovely up do for you. Would probably look great with your extensions and maybe put some pretty clips or a small flower or two to make it weddingish.

707smile · 07/04/2022 23:57

I think you should go with your own first response to this, which is to do what makes your sister happier for her day. Your partner's response to this is not your own.

Happymum12345 · 08/04/2022 00:19

If she was a friend, I wouldn’t change a thing and be hurt that she’d even suggested it, but I actually don’t think it’s that unreasonable of a sister to ask. Obviously it’s up to you - don’t let your bf tell you what to do or think either.

NannyKrampus · 08/04/2022 00:26

'Dreadlocks' were worn in ancient Greece, going back further than earliest known examples in Africa. No ethnicity 'owns' this hairstyle! I do not personally like the look but my taste is my personal business and it is outrageous to demand that someone changed their style for a wedding.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 08/04/2022 00:26

Does her wedding come close to when you'd be "due" a refit, that it would simply mean removing the current ones and just not getting the replacements til a few days/a week max afterwards with wedding in between? If it means early removal or waiting weeks to re-do, i'd tell her sorry, unless she's willing to pay for the early removal.

milkyaqua · 08/04/2022 00:29

granted I won't because it's her day, but my boyfriend thinks she's out of order because he thinks she's basically telling me to not be myself

Your dreads are not you. Wearing dreads is a fashion or style choice. She is asking you to forgo your usual hair style for the sake of a harmonious look at her wedding. I don't think it's too much to ask.

CrossyRoad · 08/04/2022 01:11

Your dreads look awesome and you’re so pretty!
My brother had dreads years ago and they really suited him. Yes your sis is cheeky but I think sisters are allowed to be, you’re happy to change them for the day so don’t stress about it.

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