MiL gave baby first ice cream

[maloney123]

Please let me preface this post by acknowledging that my in laws look after our baby once a week and I’m hugely grateful to them for this. They were desperate to be grandparents (this is their first grandchild) so the arrangement suits us both as they get time with the baby and I get time to catch up on laundry, cleaning etc (I am still on mat leave).

Today my MIL gave our baby her first taste of ice cream (DD is 9 months). I’m not so bothered about the sweet aspect (although we’re not giving her sweets, juice etc as yet) but I feel upset that we didn’t get to give her her first ice cream. I feel like this is a cute milestone moment for a baby and instead of being there I had my MIL describing to me how my daughter reacted to the taste. Previously she has also tried BLW my baby one day after we started weaning her which I was livid about, so we’ve already spoken to her and asked her not to give her new foods without checking in first.

I don’t mind MIL giving “normal” foods but I do feel like something like baby’s first ice cream is a bit special and I feel annoyed and upset that she took this moment away unnecessarily. I don’t think I’m going to say anything about it as I don’t want to appear ungrateful so I guess I’m just venting, feel free to tell me YABU!!

@YesIKnowIABUbutIamreallytired
This poor woman has come here to express that she is upset about something. Just to share it and get it off her chest. Not asking if she should cut contact, or confront MIL. Just talking about a thing that made her sad. She is entitled to her feelings on the matter regardless of how others would feel in the same situation. She isn't hurting anyone. Some of the responses on here on the other hand are quite mean.

That’s putting it mildly. A few dozen of them are pretty spiteful and demeaning and condescending. Posters laughing between themselves and throwing around insults like they’re going out of fashion “get over yourself”, “childish”, “spoilt”etc. nasty stuff.

I was like that with my first too, but you have to learn to give on some things unfortunately. She possibly should have asked if you allow her sugar, but old people don’t think about these things.

I get it. If something is a thing to you it’s OK to be disappointed that we’re not there.

However it’s not a ‘typical’ milestone so unless you had specifically communicated this then you can’t be annoyed that they didn’t realise. Grandparents tend to be the ones that give the treats.

I do agree with the people who suggest it’s not a good idea to create a buzz about treats. Making too much of a thing can create unhealthy eating habits. (Although I definitely give treats on ‘special’ occasions)

You're being silly. Really, you are.

I havent read the whole thread. it is a bit bizarre

But what does OP plan to do if the first steps occur during the time that she is being cared for/baby sat?

Grow up

I kind of understand your frustration if it’s from a perspective where you don’t want your child to have sugar at such a young age. I personally wouldn’t have let my child have ice cream at that age but that’s just a personal preference.
However, it seems your more annoyed at the fact they gave her ice cream and saw her expression etc before you did. I would say, there are much worse things in life to worry and stress over. This is not something that would bother me, and like I said, unless you don’t want her having the sugar, I personally would recommend not making a big fuss over this.

I am wondering if it is you that is the child.

@Tobeornotbe84

I kind of understand your frustration if it’s from a perspective where you don’t want your child to have sugar at such a young age. I personally wouldn’t have let my child have ice cream at that age but that’s just a personal preference. However, it seems your more annoyed at the fact they gave her ice cream and saw her expression etc before you did. I would say, there are much worse things in life to worry and stress over. This is not something that would bother me, and like I said, unless you don’t want her having the sugar, I personally would recommend not making a big fuss over this.

It’s not coming from a sugar perspective, though. It’s coming from OP feeling like she’s missed a milestone.

OP for what it’s worth, it’s really not a milestone. Your baby is unlikely to have had much of a visible reaction to being fed some ice cream.

I’d try not to let this get to you and move on from it.

I think you should look after your child yourself if you don't want her grandparents to experience the first time she tastes anything.

YABU. You are still on mat leave and you openly admit that you appreciate the time to get the laundry etc done. What you going to do if there is a milestone achieved at day care, or at your parents place? Read back your original post and see how petty it sounds. Remember, this child has their DNA too, not just yours. The fact they are happy to have her a day every week despite you not being back at work says so much about how much she means to them. Many mums would love to have that much support - they have to get on with the chores, baby in tow.

I love these posts, never ceases to amaze me what some people will come up with to have a go at their inlaws! This is hilarious, first ice cream opportunity ffs

This has to be the most pathetic moan ever !!! What a nightmare you must be to be around !!

I do kind of get your frustration here.

[quote Pitafalafel]@YesIKnowIABUbutIamreallytired
This poor woman has come here to express that she is upset about something. Just to share it and get it off her chest. Not asking if she should cut contact, or confront MIL. Just talking about a thing that made her sad. She is entitled to her feelings on the matter regardless of how others would feel in the same situation. She isn't hurting anyone. Some of the responses on here on the other hand are quite mean.

That’s putting it mildly. A few dozen of them are pretty spiteful and demeaning and condescending. Posters laughing between themselves and throwing around insults like they’re going out of fashion “get over yourself”, “childish”, “spoilt”etc. nasty stuff.[/quote]
Ultimately, you ask a question on a public forum, you get every aspect of the public replying. Not everyone on social media will agree and unless you 'actually' know them, they aren't your friends.

@WalkingOnTheCracks yes the OP asked AIBU but 23 pages of mainly negative comments and being called names by those giving their opinions would upset most people. Posters can answer without the abuse and insults.

[quote Pitafalafel]**@YesIKnowIABUbutIamreallytired
This poor woman has come here to express that she is upset about something. Just to share it and get it off her chest. Not asking if she should cut contact, or confront MIL. Just talking about a thing that made her sad. She is entitled to her feelings on the matter regardless of how others would feel in the same situation. She isn't hurting anyone. Some of the responses on here on the other hand are quite mean.

That’s putting it mildly. A few dozen of them are pretty spiteful and demeaning and condescending. Posters laughing between themselves and throwing around insults like they’re going out of fashion “get over yourself”, “childish”, “spoilt”etc. nasty stuff.[/quote]
Well said @Pitafalafel & @YesIKnowIABUbutIamreallytired the AIBU raised doesn’t warrant the pile on.

@ maloney123, ffs get a grip!!

YABU

Honestly I think this post will come back to you in about 8 years time and you're going to cringe massively.

She's your PFB. We've all done things that are this cringeworthy with our first children. Thankfully though with mine, I didn't post it on the internet for comment (anyone else on here walk backwards with the pram so that the PFB didn't get sun in their eyes?! !!!!)

My mum took our son to be fitted for his first ‘proper’ shoes (and then told me all about it) and it took me a long time to get over that. Son is now nearly 24 and I think I’ve just about let it go!

FWIW I don't think you're being unreasonable. If you've set boundaries and they aren't respecting them then you have the right to feel however you feel and raise it with them. But... I don't think it's worth falling out over so I'd probably say something like "I loved hearing all about DD's first taste of ice cream but it is something I would have liked to have been there for and I am trying to avoid too many sugary treats so would you mind checking in with me before you give her treat/new foods next time, I'd really appreciate that."

I wish MIL got to meet her DGC but she died when DP was 18. FIL died when DC1 was tiny. Be glad for all the loving relationships your child has, OP, even if your toes are stepped on occasionally

I used to feel frustrated when my mum gave my first child food we weren't wanting to allow, but it was actually free childcare with an adult who loved them, and it was about 16 to 20 hours out of a full week when I didn't have control. Now my kids are 8, 12 and 15. 8 is upstairs getting ready for bed and doesn't need me except for a kiss in a bit. 12 is on a sleepover an hour away and 15 is out with a bunch of friends and I don't know exactly where... He rang to say they were enjoying the evening sun and would be getting food so not to count him when I cooked. He will probably roll in at 10 as that's his loose curfew on non school nights. What my mum fed them for 4 meals a week all those years ago worried me at the time, now I have no idea why.... They were safe and happy and I knew exactly what they had done and eaten.... Now they are living a whole lot of the week for themselves. If this is going to bother you, you must tell them NOW not to give sweet stuff, juice etc. Expect them to think it's strange, but do it if you can't relax otherwise.

Totally unreasonable! Your MIL isn’t to know your every whim or what you consider a ‘special moment’. I find it a bit weird tbh.