Christian MIL taking DC to Christian toddler group - I was unaware

[AtheistMama]

Name change for this one.

My MIL does childcare once a week for DS aged 3, for which I am grateful for - they have a great relationship, and obviously it saves us money on nursery fees.

My MIL is a lovely women, not a bad bone in her body. She is also devoutly Christian, belonging to an evangelical church. DH was brought up as an evangelical Christian, but is an atheist and slowly detached himself from their church in his young adulthood. There is no animosity from his mother and the wider family about this (who are mostly also evangelical Christians).

DH and I have been together for 10 years, married for 5, but I have never really talked to MIL about my religious beliefs because she is quite sensitive/easily upset and I didn't want to offend her. The status quo has just been that it is obvious to all that DH and I are not Christian and it's been left at that.

My understanding of DH's families beliefs is that they think everyone who is not baptised is going to Hell; they also do not approve of homosexuality or gay marriage, sex before marriage, etc. I am an atheist and do not subscribe to these beliefs. In particular, the idea that they believe that I am going to Hell bothers me when I think about it. In general, I am anti-organised religion and was never going to bring DS up in any religious way.

MIL takes DS to a toddler's group at her church every week, but I was under the impression that it was open to the whole community and therefore not Christian (I think this came from DH not my MIL). I looked up the group today (was wondering about the timings for a seperate reason), and clocked that they have a Bible story every week.

I'm feeling a bit annoyed because if I had known about the Bible story bit when it was first suggested that she take him (years ago), I would have gently asked her to pick another activity. But now he's been going for a few years, he loves it and it's part of their routine. She would probably be upset by being asked to stop going (and probably it didn't occur to her that I wouldn't be happy about it).

However, I feel really uncomfortable about the Bible story, and annoyed that she didn't say anything at the start. Needless to say, DS has never mentioned it, so it's possible that he's running around the hall and not even listening to it.

DH tends to skirt around issues with his DM that might be upsetting because he thinks she's quite delicate and feels protective about her.

AIBU to bring it up with her now?

I would ask to see more of what the Toddler group is doing. Some basic David and Goliath, Noah's Ark bible study will do little harm, but as soon as anyone starts saying same sex couples are wrong, only people who are married should have babies etc then it would be time to call a halt. I also grew up in quite a religious household and it can be potentially dangerous. One of the boys at my Church was clearly gay and the pressure placed on him was so significant he finished up sectioned. Even now his mental health is poor, and the same risks apply to other groups who may not agree with Christians see as the one version of the truth. Your MIL may be lovely but I would be careful.

I’m not religious in the slightest but the bible stories they tell children are pretty sweet and it obviously comes from a good place.

Just gently remind him that they’re nice stories and nothing more.

I don't think there's anything to worry about. And I think Bible stories are very useful to know.,

Wow. There's some...interesting views on here

YABU.

It's just a story, no different to any other fairytale. Some, like Noah's Ark, are quite nice for children and, ultimately, have good messages about kindness and being accepting of others. (I'm talking about the age appropriate children's versions before some smart arse jumps on this comment, not the King James with all the smiting and repentance).

If your DS enjoys it and MIL is happy to take him then I'd just be grateful, tbh. A toddler group alone won't make him religious (although he grows up and does feel that he does have a faith then you'll need to accept that). My MIL is a vicar, BIL and FIL are both atheists. Evidently years of church going didn't convert them so no reason to believe that a lone toddler group will have any affect on your son, other than a enjoyable time with his Grandma and some other children.

Wow, lots of replies so quickly. Thanks for all the input everyone.

I think the point about Bible stories being just another story for him at the moment is a good one as well as the point that it provides a platform for discussion about differences.

FYI for those saying he won't be there long - we are in Scotland, he is a winter baby and I'm considering deferring him , so actually he'll likely be going to school in August 2024. However, I think the points above are the ones that strike a chord with me most.

I think the Bible story is a red herring really. In itself it's harmless (think back - do you even remember the stories you heard as a toddler? Would you base life decisions on them)?
BUT your children are yours, so you get to decide what they go to. Obviously if you pull rank you might upset a not-too-bad MIL, so in your shoes I'd choose carefully which battles to have. Do you want to save your ammo for future things, or is it really important that your toddler doesn't hear about Noah's ark etc?

I don't see a big deal with what she's doing. If you don't believe the Bible is an accurate history of the world then it would do your child no more harm hearing one than him hearing any other fictional children. I mean there's some violent material in the Bible but I doubt that's what they're teaching young children, anyway most fairy stories have some kind of violence or other serious criminality in them (Hansel & Gretel, the Pied Piper, The Three Bears etc).

I find these sentences interesting:
I am an atheist and do not subscribe to these beliefs. In particular, the idea that they believe that I am going to Hell bothers me when I think about it.

If you believe they are wrong, what does it matter to you? If they're not trying to convert you, aren't calling you a sinner all the time, why does it matter if they believe something that millions of others do. It sounds like they're showing more tolerance to you than you are to them.

We're not religious, but DD went to a few activities run by religious groups, they were all bar one brilliant, I was grateful for the time the volunteers put in and the occasional bible story wasnt a big deal. The one that wasn't good, was a paid for football club, where they could only pick up the medal that they been told they'd won, if they attended a special religious service on a Sunday.

A Bible story is just that, a story, a fable, a fairy tale, a made up thing. It's a nursery, not indoctrination camp. Leave them to it if he's enjoying it.

My DC went to a group like this (they played a bible story on a projector) and did some religious songs. It was a good group! Well organised and fun! I dont think it matters really and wouldn’t bring it up but each to their own.

And mine gets bible stories at school now.

I'm an atheist and used to take ds2 to a church toddler group. We'd be taken into the church half way through by the minister and she'd read a bible story to us and the toddlers. It didn't do any harm and I doubt any of the kids even remembered, ds certainly doesn't.

As long as your mil doesn't start shoving religion down your child's throat once they're school age it'll be fine.

Your child is learning about their cultural heritage, which is so important no matter what your belief or non belief system is. Your mil is taking your dc to the church playgroup as this is her community centre and where she is comfortable. Just make sure you balance religious beliefs and traditions with science facts.

To be honest I think bible stories at that age/level are pretty harmless. Knowledge of the bible is a bit like knowledge of any other classic and historical text- it can only be useful for understanding of cultural references.

If would only be problematic if this was then being presented as a singular truth and they were also evangelising, but for toddlers age they will just present the bible as a collection of nice stories without the gory bits (e.g. in the kids bible my children read, Noah’s ark glosses over the fact that when the earth was flooded that would have meant mass genocide of all people except the select few on the boat, and David and Goliath doesn’t mention that Goliath died and David cut his head off afterwards). It’s told in a child appropriate way.

At this stage I'd let it go.

I think its fine for a toddler. If she was taking your child to actual church or Sunday school when they were a bit older then thats a bit different.

OP I think it will be fine for the limited time your wee one will be there. They will probably have a nice time with some kids of their age and a chance for your MIL to have a natter and a cuppa. I used to take my kids to the local Church that Iwas not a member of in anyway and it was a nice wee playtime for my children. The Bible story thing will be very gentle I would imagine like PP said , Noah's Ark. I doubt they will be indoctrinating them in the short time they will be there.

My friend is an atheist and takes her child to a baptist toddler group as it's local to them. It's run retired women who like the social aspect. There is a story from a children's bible at the end while they eat biscuits. Friend's child just sees it as a place to play and have biscuits.
Obviously if you're not comfortable then of course you should discuss it.

YABU