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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my husband to help me

166 replies

Bluffysummers · 06/04/2022 10:11

I have an ebf 3 month old and a 2 year old with a tummy bug.

I have caught said bug and I feel like I’m dying, I feel like I’m going to vomit so far only managing small sips of water to get me through the day. I feel so weak I can barely lift the baby to feed him. Got a temp and the shakes.
Baby isn’t a great napper and I can’t co sleep and tbh with how I feel it’s not safe.

Would it be unreasonable for DH to take the day off work?

Plot twist it’s his 3rd day in a brand new role that’s a big pay rise so he thinks it will make him look bad. Which It probably would, but honestly I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus.

Aibu to still want dh to take the day off?

We’ve got no friends or family that could or would help out. There is no one else

OP posts:
Heartofglass12345 · 06/04/2022 15:45

I had my first day off in a new job because my son was ill, he was with his dad but I still went home as he was being sick everywhere. No one thought any less of me.
How can people say it won't look good, when he hasn't even spoken to his manager?
Looks worse that he won't even ask to me

CanofCant · 06/04/2022 17:24

As soon as he is finished take yourself to bed with the baby (to feed the baby, I'm basing this on that it sleeps easily, if it becomes unsettled then DH can take baby downstairs and sort out dinner and bedtime for himself and both kids etc). I hope it passes soon OP, you've done really well to last it this long through the day.

Original poster
Bluffysummers · 06/04/2022 17:28

@CanofCant

As soon as he is finished take yourself to bed with the baby (to feed the baby, I'm basing this on that it sleeps easily, if it becomes unsettled then DH can take baby downstairs and sort out dinner and bedtime for himself and both kids etc). I hope it passes soon OP, you've done really well to last it this long through the day.
The poor sod (the baby) has been mostly in a dark room with me all day, 0 stimulation or play.

I’m looking back at the day and thinking he should’ve explained the situation to his manager and rescheduled his catch ups because I’ve not been able to be up longer than an hr, 90 mins max and it actually hasn’t been a particularly safe environment for the kids.

OP posts:
Herejustforthisone · 06/04/2022 18:31

There have been some unbelievably spiteful posts on this thread. I can only imagine people have forgotten how truly awful it feels to feel constantly sick.

I had D&V a few weeks ago, caught from my toddler. I was up all night vomiting and was so delirious with tiredness the next day, not to mention floored by the constant and raging nausea and sickness, that I was praying for death. In the end I was so lucky and my parents came to help me as my H was away.

All I could do was mindlessly scroll my phone because it didn’t require much movement and was a slight distraction from how monstrous I felt.

I hope you’re feeling better @Bluffysummers. I’m sorry there have been so many shitty posts to you.

Idriveelectric · 06/04/2022 19:10

I had similar with husband working away. I lay on the floor with a bucket, while the toddler climbed over me and the baby lay beside me. Sure it meant zero stimulation for a day or two but such is life. We survived!

billy1966 · 06/04/2022 20:28

You poor woman OP.

Some awful posts.

When my children were very young, I had lots of friends, but they also had children, so I wouldn't have dreamed of bothering them.

I hope you feel better soon.

Don't worry about dinner, toast is always a great substitute, with tea.

Flowers
Everydayimhuffling · 06/04/2022 20:36

I'm glad you are feeling a bit better OP. Well done on getting through it, and don't worry about a day without stimulation for the little ones.

Of course you can't ask friends with young children to help: they won't want it sweeping through their households!

Original poster
Bluffysummers · 06/04/2022 21:14

Yeah MN is wild, i was half expecting LTB lol but it’s weird people can’t remember what it’s like being sick and projectile vomiting.

I may have jumped the gun saying I feel better, I’m really feverish too. Luckily hubby took the kids most of the afternoon but I still feel like I’ve been hit by a truck

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/04/2022 22:00

People can be weird on here. Almost gleeful at the idea of someone having to a struggle through. Hope you’re ok OP

MrsSkylerWhite · 07/04/2022 10:27

Bluffysummers

Yeah MN is wild, i was half expecting LTB lol but it’s weird people can’t remember what it’s like being sick and projectile vomiting.

I may have jumped the gun saying I feel better, I’m really feverish too. Luckily hubby took the kids most of the afternoon but I still feel like I’ve been hit by a truck“

Have you taken a Covid test? Sickness and fever are pretty common symptoms with omicron.

Original poster
Bluffysummers · 07/04/2022 11:22

@MrsSkylerWhite

Bluffysummers

Yeah MN is wild, i was half expecting LTB lol but it’s weird people can’t remember what it’s like being sick and projectile vomiting.

I may have jumped the gun saying I feel better, I’m really feverish too. Luckily hubby took the kids most of the afternoon but I still feel like I’ve been hit by a truck“

Have you taken a Covid test? Sickness and fever are pretty common symptoms with omicron.

Covid négative thankfully! And i feel back to normal today. Yesterday was rough but silver linings I’m 1kg down, and 1 kg closer to pre baby weight. 1 down 4 to go!
OP posts:
Original poster
Bluffysummers · 09/04/2022 03:28

To update the thread, the baby caught it, obviously as he’s so young there’s nothing you can do/ give.

Dr asked if anyone had had the bug, to which I said me, to which he said ideally we should’ve been limited contact, partner just bringing him to me for feeds.

So if anyone reading this does get D&V with a. Young baby and there is someone else to look after baby, even if it’s incredibly inconvenient l, ge them to look after baby. I was meticulous with hand washing, changing clothes, sanitiser the works but that’s how contagious d&v is it. Hindsight eh

OP posts:
mycatisannoying · 09/04/2022 06:13

Oh gosh OP, what a bloody awful situation. I hope you're feeling better now. Unfortunately it was much too soon for him to take a day off. YANBU for wanting him to though!

Wheretheskyisblue · 09/04/2022 07:02

Sorry to hear that OP. I voted YANBU, I don't have any family support either and have been in your situation and it is so tough.

I don't agree with those saying that becuase it is a new job it should make a difference. There have been loads of threads telling women to stay home when in new jobs and care for children too sick to go into nursery. I think Dad's should be fighting to change attitudes in the workplace rather than just accepting them.

timeisnotaline · 10/04/2022 17:04

I was thinking that when you were talking about being sick op. I hope baby is ok, take care of yourself to take care of baby- lots of drinks, partner to make decent food and snacks to keep you fed and hydrated all night to feed baby.

RedHelenB · 10/04/2022 18:18

@Bluffysummers

To update the thread, the baby caught it, obviously as he’s so young there’s nothing you can do/ give.

Dr asked if anyone had had the bug, to which I said me, to which he said ideally we should’ve been limited contact, partner just bringing him to me for feeds.

So if anyone reading this does get D&V with a. Young baby and there is someone else to look after baby, even if it’s incredibly inconvenient l, ge them to look after baby. I was meticulous with hand washing, changing clothes, sanitiser the works but that’s how contagious d&v is it. Hindsight eh

Tbh given you were breastfeeding no matter how meticulous you were with hygiene its no surprise baby caught it.
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