Page 2 | To expect my husband to help me

Bluffysummers · 2022-04-06T09:11:04+00:00

I have an ebf 3 month old and a 2 year old with a tummy bug. I have caught said bug and I feel like I’m dying, I feel like I’m going to vomit so far only managing small sips of water to get me through the day. I feel so weak I can barely lift the baby to feed him. Got a temp and the shakes. Baby isn’t a great napper and I can’t co sleep and tbh with how I feel it’s not safe. Would it be unreasonable for DH to take the day off work? Plot twist it’s his 3rd day in a brand new role that’s a big pay rise so he thinks it will make him look bad. Which It probably would, but honestly I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus. Aibu to still want dh to take the day off? We’ve got no friends or family that could or would help out. There is no one else

BoodleBug51 · 06/04/2022 10:40

Please don't send a toddler to nursery with a tummy bug, no matter how crap you feel.

Snoken · 06/04/2022 10:40

@Bluffysummers

Would it be awful to call DDs nursery and beg them to take her and then me to feed baby to slee and DH put him in the carrier whilst I sleep for a bit? Maybe an hr nap would be helpful, do you think that would make him look bad if he said my wife has d&v?

If your 2 year old still has d&v you can't send them to nursery. They have to be well for 48 hours before they can go back. If you do send them you are just making the problem worse and no doubt you will have it again next week when it's gone full circle at nursery.

FlumpyLump · 06/04/2022 10:42

If your older child has a stomach bug it would be incredibly selfish to send her to nursery. Why would you want to inflict that on someone else knowingly?

Original poster

Bluffysummers · 06/04/2022 10:43

Should have said in the OP, shes not been sick for ober 2 weeks just has loose motions which are apparently toddler diarrhoea due to a viral infection (the initial tummy bug) and not contagious, dr said it’s been caused by mal absorption now

OP posts:

Motnight · 06/04/2022 10:44

If your dh is wfh he must at least get a lunch break. But honestly it's not going to look good for him to take time off on his 3rd day in a new job unless it becomes a real emergency.

Awful timing and horrible for everyone.

OutingHobby · 06/04/2022 10:44

@Bluffysummers

Should have said in the OP, shes not been sick for ober 2 weeks just has loose motions which are apparently toddler diarrhoea due to a viral infection (the initial tummy bug) and not contagious, dr said it’s been caused by mal absorption now

They still don't want to deal with your toddlers runny poo

ilovesooty · 06/04/2022 10:44

@Mummy1608 - no, it's not called "parental leave".

OutingHobby · 06/04/2022 10:45

@Motnight

If your dh is wfh he must at least get a lunch break. But honestly it's not going to look good for him to take time off on his 3rd day in a new job unless it becomes a real emergency.

Awful timing and horrible for everyone.

We had a new starter at work have to delay her start by 2 days as her son was off ill from school. No one batted an eyelid.

FlumpyLump · 06/04/2022 10:46

@Bluffysummers

Should have said in the OP, shes not been sick for ober 2 weeks just has loose motions which are apparently toddler diarrhoea due to a viral infection (the initial tummy bug) and not contagious, dr said it’s been caused by mal absorption now

So how did you get it if not contagious?

Mummy1608 · 06/04/2022 10:46

[quote ilovesooty]@Mummy1608 - no, it's not called "parental leave".[/quote]
It's literally called emergency parental leave on my contract. You use it when your child is too ill for childcare

Original poster

Bluffysummers · 06/04/2022 10:47

Yeah in my vomiting induced delirium it seemed like a viable option but it’s not…not thinking straight. Just feel awful

OP posts:

Mummy1608 · 06/04/2022 10:47

www.acas.org.uk/parental-leave

@ilovesooty HTH

MrsSkylerWhite · 06/04/2022 10:48

Mummy1608

it won't look good to his bosses

I'm quoting a commenter but I have no doubt this is what your DH is thinking. But I'd have no respect for my DH if he took the cowardly route rather than doing the right thing.“

Being concerned about your job when you are currently the main earner is not cowardly!
Some people bring up children by themselves or with partners who work away from home. It’s tough, but they manage.

Motnight · 06/04/2022 10:48

OutingHobby - that is great but not all organisations will react in the same way. And the Op's dh probably doesn't know enough yet about his organisation to guess how it will be received.

There's also every chance that he will catch the bug and need to take time off as well anyway

Original poster

Bluffysummers · 06/04/2022 10:48

The toddler diarrhoea isn’t contagious but the vom’ing must be… either that or I’ve got food poisoning from my dinner last night 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:

Mummy1608 · 06/04/2022 10:51

@MrsSkylerWhite

Mummy1608

it won't look good to his bosses

I'm quoting a commenter but I have no doubt this is what your DH is thinking. But I'd have no respect for my DH if he took the cowardly route rather than doing the right thing.“

Being concerned about your job when you are currently the main earner is not cowardly!
Some people bring up children by themselves or with partners who work away from home. It’s tough, but they manage.

I understand not wanting to lose your job as a main earner. But you won't lose your job over having to take emergency parental leave for a day when your family are ill and need you! Check out the acas link I posted upthread. In my own contract it specifically mentions emergency parental leave, I can have up to 2 weeks a year fully paid and thereafter unpaid.

OutingHobby · 06/04/2022 10:51

@Motnight

OutingHobby - that is great but not all organisations will react in the same way. And the Op's dh probably doesn't know enough yet about his organisation to guess how it will be received.

There's also every chance that he will catch the bug and need to take time off as well anyway

Well he won't know until he takes time off for his children

Turningpurple · 06/04/2022 10:53

@Mummy1608

www.acas.org.uk/parental-leave

@ilovesooty HTH

You need to read that link.

Parental leave isnt for emergencies. It says in that link.

If its an emergency its time off for dependents or holiday etc

Parental leave is a specific leave that is nor for emergencies. That fact that your employee uses the incorrect terminology is neither here not there

Mummy1608 · 06/04/2022 10:53

The DH can't be worried about literally losing his job, if he is, he's silly because thats not going to happen after just taling one day off for a good reason. They clearly value him as he's just been promoted. He's probably just worried about vaguely "looking bad". So yes, I call that cowardly.

Mummy1608 · 06/04/2022 10:54

@turningpurple
Yes I have read it, scroll to the bottom where it mentions emergency parental leave for illness!

OutingHobby · 06/04/2022 10:54

It might not look great but how bad does the situation have to get before there's no other choice ? Where is the line?

MrsSkylerWhite · 06/04/2022 10:56

OutingHobby

It might not look great but how bad does the situation have to get before there's no other choice ? Where is the line?“

More than a tummy bug.

Original poster

Bluffysummers · 06/04/2022 10:58

@Mummy1608

The DH can't be worried about literally losing his job, if he is, he's silly because thats not going to happen after just taling one day off for a good reason. They clearly value him as he's just been promoted. He's probably just worried about vaguely "looking bad". So yes, I call that cowardly.

It’s a new company, if it was the old one he’d do it in a flash.

I think they’d be ok its mainly orientation and key learning atm and they were quite understanding about kids during the interview process they said don’t worry if they burst in (they didn’t)

OP posts:

TinySaltLick · 06/04/2022 10:58

Sorry to disagree here - but I think your husband is being slightly cowardly or overly anxious. With the right explanation this would of course be supported - how is he supposed to work properly when this is going on?

This is a moment to demonstrate leadership - to demonstrate his grasp of wellbeing and to set a tone for others to feel more comfortable following in the future. Would he not support someone in his team acting similar?

It is difficult due to the inherent anxiety knowing the impact from taking the time off, but a call to the person he reports into to explain the circumstances is the right thing to do here - it is irrelevant that it is three days in, beyond just being slightly awkward and disappointing for him

It is 2022, we're still in a global pandemic - the world has shifted due to have a common understanding across the workforce that health and wellness does need to come first and illness cannot be controlled

Ultimately it actually sounds quite dangerous

Mummy1608 · 06/04/2022 10:58

@MrsSkylerWhite

OutingHobby

It might not look great but how bad does the situation have to get before there's no other choice ? Where is the line?“

More than a tummy bug.

OP has the shakes (must be very dehydrated) and feels weak to lift her ebf baby. I draw the line way lower than this for expecting my DH to help