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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my husband to help me

166 replies

Bluffysummers · 06/04/2022 10:11

I have an ebf 3 month old and a 2 year old with a tummy bug.

I have caught said bug and I feel like I’m dying, I feel like I’m going to vomit so far only managing small sips of water to get me through the day. I feel so weak I can barely lift the baby to feed him. Got a temp and the shakes.
Baby isn’t a great napper and I can’t co sleep and tbh with how I feel it’s not safe.

Would it be unreasonable for DH to take the day off work?

Plot twist it’s his 3rd day in a brand new role that’s a big pay rise so he thinks it will make him look bad. Which It probably would, but honestly I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus.

Aibu to still want dh to take the day off?

We’ve got no friends or family that could or would help out. There is no one else

OP posts:
Lovemyheathershimmer · 06/04/2022 11:20

God I feel for you. It must be so hard. I have had this bug on Sunday night, I was ready to call an ambulance as I think I passed out at one stage, but didn’t want to frighten my daughter. Was projectile vomit all over a brand new rug, everywhere. Thank god my kids are 10 and 11 so are a lot older. But have been there when they were babies. My partner never had a choice but to go to work or no pay. Hopefully your husband can help a bit. You should start feeling better soon. x

Turningpurple · 06/04/2022 11:20

@Bluffysummers

‘Because if op is as ill as she says, I think she needs urgent medical attention. Which is a whole other situation.’

Do you need urgent medical attention for food poisoning or D&v? I’ve never got urgent medical attention for those things before and I’ve never been responsible for 2 littles when ive had it before

Yes, if its as bad as bad as you say. You don't know if its food poisoning.

You haven't had a kinder egg recently have you?

OutingHobby · 06/04/2022 11:21

@Bluffysummers

‘Because if op is as ill as she says, I think she needs urgent medical attention. Which is a whole other situation.’

Do you need urgent medical attention for food poisoning or D&v? I’ve never got urgent medical attention for those things before and I’ve never been responsible for 2 littles when ive had it before

You might need a drip
OutingHobby · 06/04/2022 11:22

If OP is hospitalised is it ok for him to take time off then?

BingBangB0ng · 06/04/2022 11:22

I don’t think you can expect that from him the third day in a new role, you can ask him to help a bit while he works from home though. In your situation I’d rely heavily on TV for the 2 year old tbh. It’s not great, but one day won’t hurt.

Turningpurple · 06/04/2022 11:24

@OutingHobby

If OP is hospitalised is it ok for him to take time off then?
My wife has been admitted to hospital is a whole other situation to 'my wife has a sickness bug/food poising so can everyone in all my back to back meetings rearrange'
Original poster
Bluffysummers · 06/04/2022 11:26

No kinder egg no

It’s not so much the toddler I’m worried about it’s the baby, being sick on him

OP posts:
ImOnTheRoadAgain · 06/04/2022 11:27

I think he shouldn't take the day off but as he's WFH you will have to manage this between you.

Sorry to sound harsh but if you are well enough to be on Mumsnet, you must be able to do a few bits.

stuntbubbles · 06/04/2022 11:28

Really tough: 3 days in is so soon and no idea whether his new company will be the “oh god, of course - how awful, take all the time you need” sort (DP’s workplace) or “Oh. ::frowns::”

Park the 2yo in front of the TV all day. Beans on toast for her lunch, or anything equally easy. In fact, DH should make it. Park you on the sofa too with a bucket. Don’t drink large amounts, you’ll just bring it up: ice lollies (for the 2yo too!) and tiny sips.

See if DH can take the baby in the sling during meetings, out for a walk on his lunch break with the 2yo so you can doze, baby in the pram next to him rocking with foot, away from the camera, etc. This too shall pass! I had D&V and mastitis with a 6-day-old who yowled for boob constantly: awful awful awful. But you get through it, somehow.

Can he log off early? Can 2yo be placated with TV, a magazine, treats?

OutingHobby · 06/04/2022 11:31

My wife has been admitted to hospital is a whole other situation to 'my wife has a sickness bug/food poising so can everyone in all my back to back meetings rearrange' not really. The only difference is the location of the person too ill to supervise the children safely.

TempName01 · 06/04/2022 11:33

He is being extraordinarily selfish, of course he must look after you and the children, I bet if he comes down with it tomorrow he would call in sick!

Original poster
Bluffysummers · 06/04/2022 11:34

@ImOnTheRoadAgain

I think he shouldn't take the day off but as he's WFH you will have to manage this between you.

Sorry to sound harsh but if you are well enough to be on Mumsnet, you must be able to do a few bits.

Except I’m not though, I’m pretty much lying perfectly still because if not the sickness starts again
OP posts:
Mummy1608 · 06/04/2022 11:35

I can see im in the minority but i dont like the compromise options. I actually think it looks worse to an employer if you're distracted, logging off early, away from keyboard between meetings. The employer might think he's always like this. I think taking the day off properly with an explanation is better and manages expectation. If you're in work, work properly, otherwise take the day off.

But it's eye opening how I'm in the minority as most friends and colleagues I know IRL would do this. Maybe it's locational?

Turningpurple · 06/04/2022 11:35

@OutingHobby

My wife has been admitted to hospital is a whole other situation to 'my wife has a sickness bug/food poising so can everyone in all my back to back meetings rearrange' not really. The only difference is the location of the person too ill to supervise the children safely.
Of course it's different.

A sickness bug where you are OK at home and a sickness bug that you need to be admitted to hospital for are different.

The difference in locations is huge difference.

worriedatthistime · 06/04/2022 11:37

@Mummy1608 your not distracted if taking proper breaks though
Are you , he could have a couple 20 mins break and a lunch thats perfectly normal in some places
I do this most days as I have agile working so as long as I do my day

OutingHobby · 06/04/2022 11:37

Except I’m not though, I’m pretty much lying perfectly still because if not the sickness starts again I don't see how this is safe for the kids.

MiniTheMinx · 06/04/2022 11:39

Put the TV on, get baby and toddler and sit down on the sofa. With some towels and a bucket.
There is absolutely no excuse for a grown up to be vomiting on beds and floors.

I have been in your position, sick and caring for two sick children whilst their father worked 14 hr days out of the house. Its not fun, of course it isn't, but it will pass.

And I think your husband is doing the right thing. When you are feeling better you might also agree with him. Its easy to be irrational and emotional when you feel sick. Hope you feel better soon.

RedHelenB · 06/04/2022 11:39

Since he's working at home he can use his lunch hour to feed toddler and give him attention and bring baby to you. No need for a full day off by the sound of it, have a sick bowl next to you.

OutingHobby · 06/04/2022 11:41

@MiniTheMinx

Put the TV on, get baby and toddler and sit down on the sofa. With some towels and a bucket. There is absolutely no excuse for a grown up to be vomiting on beds and floors.

I have been in your position, sick and caring for two sick children whilst their father worked 14 hr days out of the house. Its not fun, of course it isn't, but it will pass.

And I think your husband is doing the right thing. When you are feeling better you might also agree with him. Its easy to be irrational and emotional when you feel sick. Hope you feel better soon.

Maybe her husband could do something like help her to the sofa with a sick bucket and them both. That would take him little time but would take OP a while.
WhackingPhoenix · 06/04/2022 11:41

@TempName01

He is being extraordinarily selfish, of course he must look after you and the children, I bet if he comes down with it tomorrow he would call in sick!
FFS he isn’t being ‘selfish’; he’s at work to support his family, not out with his mates!
Hbh17 · 06/04/2022 11:42

If your husband were a teacher/doctor/police officer/fireman etc etc then he would HAVE to go into work regardless. So if he is at least in the house & can pop in at lunch, then you are already in a better situation than many people would be.

stuntbubbles · 06/04/2022 11:43

There is absolutely no excuse for a grown up to be vomiting on beds and floors.
Jesus, have some empathy. She was holding her baby and prioritised putting the baby down over throwing up in a preferred location – I doubt she’s been hurling all over the house out of choice. I threw up in numerous places when I had HG, sometimes that’s just life.

If my partner were struggling this much and my kids were going to get hurled on, I would absolutely take the day off, new job or no. Sorry, OP.

OutingHobby · 06/04/2022 11:43

When he comes down with it dump the kids on him and refuse to help

gamerchick · 06/04/2022 11:45

I'm curious to see what care he expects when he catches it. I hope you return the favour.

Whyaskwhenyoudontwanttheanswer · 06/04/2022 11:45

DH once phoned his boss to say he couldn’t come in as I was too ill to look after DS. My bum was super glued to the loo and my head was in the sink because it was both ends simultaneously. I was stuck in the bathroom for hours at a time!

His bosses response was ‘your wife doesn’t work for me, her illness is not this businesses problem’. DH stayed off anyway thank god.

I hope you feel better soon op Flowers

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