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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my husband to help me

166 replies

Bluffysummers · 06/04/2022 10:11

I have an ebf 3 month old and a 2 year old with a tummy bug.

I have caught said bug and I feel like I’m dying, I feel like I’m going to vomit so far only managing small sips of water to get me through the day. I feel so weak I can barely lift the baby to feed him. Got a temp and the shakes.
Baby isn’t a great napper and I can’t co sleep and tbh with how I feel it’s not safe.

Would it be unreasonable for DH to take the day off work?

Plot twist it’s his 3rd day in a brand new role that’s a big pay rise so he thinks it will make him look bad. Which It probably would, but honestly I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus.

Aibu to still want dh to take the day off?

We’ve got no friends or family that could or would help out. There is no one else

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluffysummers · 06/04/2022 13:23

DH took baby for an hr and I slept, I feel slightly more human.

But Christ all those saying why were you sick on the floor/ get some on the bed.

Well I’m breastfeeding a baby and unfortunately it’s projectile, so I can feel it coming and have a few seconds to put baby somewhere safe. Kitchen it’s all tile; can’t put hmm on the floor, had to fasten him into his Tripp trap and by the time I had, bam.

Bed, breastfeeding again lying down as I couldn’t hold him up, had to unlatch him reach and get sick bag (we don’t have any buckets or large bowls as I’ve learned today) and majority went in bag, little on bed. Which I’m now upset over as I have to clean it. Insult to injury.

Also of course you can post when unwell… DD on her tablet and baby feeding, one of thee things keeping me awake actually

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluffysummers · 06/04/2022 13:24

@WifeMotherWorkRepeat

I feel for you but 3 days into a new job is too soon for your DH to take time off. Also you’re active on Mumsnet posting and replying to PP… you can’t be that ill!
Yes you can. I promise you, you can.
OP posts:
Marvellousmadness · 06/04/2022 13:28

Yabu
Babies sleep basically all day so your ownly real problem is the 2yo. Tv should be your best friend.
But surely if you are "that" sick and feel like your "dying "... you wouldnt be on your phone.

If you were a single mum or a militar spouse youd be on your own too. So just deal with it op. It sucks i get it... but you just gotta deal with them kids

2bazookas · 06/04/2022 13:29

You could ask DH to bring home lots of Lucozade for you and jarred food for 2 yr old. Then just stick it out .

Motnight · 06/04/2022 13:32

I have posted before Op in the most awful pain, and actually it helped me getting replies, it gave me something else to concentrate on.

Really hope that you feel better soon.

KarmaStar · 06/04/2022 13:32

Really feel for you op but three days in they will be wondering if this is going to be a start of poor attendance.awful timing.
Imodium plus help a lot especially with cramps,ginger good for sickness,I hope it's a very very short illness.and your baby doesn't catch it!💐

stuntbubbles · 06/04/2022 13:33

Babies sleep basically all day
Have you ever met a baby in your life.

Besides which, OP says the baby doesn’t really nap.

timeisnotaline · 06/04/2022 13:34

@Marvellousmadness

Yabu Babies sleep basically all day so your ownly real problem is the 2yo. Tv should be your best friend. But surely if you are "that" sick and feel like your "dying "... you wouldnt be on your phone.

If you were a single mum or a militar spouse youd be on your own too. So just deal with it op. It sucks i get it... but you just gotta deal with them kids

Oh that’s amazing, i didn’t know that?!! This is lifechanging! It’s too late for my older dc but I still have a 7 week old, it’s just that they don’t seem to KNOW that babies sleep all day and don’t take any looking after, but if you would come and tell her then I’m sure she would be on board as soon as she realises thats what babies do, and like I said life changing!! When can you come around?

I find it hard to believe someone has genuinely had a baby and says that. I can believe your baby did, but don’t women with babies tend to know a number of other women with babies? And work out that they aren’t all clones? And for lots of us changing the 2 hourly poos and winding them and calming them when they cry and feeding them allows a few minutes to go pee before the cycle starts again? But you do you and keep condescending to a sick woman.

For the record, phone usage keeps exhausted mums awake. My watch often records me as in and out of sleep while I feed her at night. If I weren’t on my phone I’d be passed out.

Original poster
Bluffysummers · 06/04/2022 13:35

@Marvellousmadness

Yabu Babies sleep basically all day so your ownly real problem is the 2yo. Tv should be your best friend. But surely if you are "that" sick and feel like your "dying "... you wouldnt be on your phone.

If you were a single mum or a militar spouse youd be on your own too. So just deal with it op. It sucks i get it... but you just gotta deal with them kids

Do they sleep all day? Would you come explain that to him? This little lad only sleeps when held in the day.
OP posts:
Carriemac · 06/04/2022 13:38

It's his third day in a new job. He can't take a day off!
How do you not have anyone you can call? No friends ?
Just stay on the sofa beside a bucket and maybe stay off your phone?

Ireallycantthinkofagoodone · 06/04/2022 13:40

If I was experiencing D&V, I don’t think I would have the energy or inclination to be posting on a forum.

Original poster
Bluffysummers · 06/04/2022 13:45

@Carriemac

It's his third day in a new job. He can't take a day off! How do you not have anyone you can call? No friends ? Just stay on the sofa beside a bucket and maybe stay off your phone?
I think this is quite spiteful actually!

I feel more alive now, the rest helped. Now I can definitely cope, probably won’t be cooking dinner though haha!

But now to the spiteful part ‘how do you not have anyone you can call?’ Well I’ve just moved to the area and the people I’ve met are also mums with young kids, not really viable.
My family, a) they live far away b) my dad died not long ago and my mother is a child abuser
His family there is a long story there but his mother terrifies our toddler.

Not everyone is blessed with a loving family and robust support network. Perhaps you’re one of the lucky ones that are.

OP posts:
Marvellousmadness · 06/04/2022 13:45

I just read that your dh... works from home!
Hmm ??

And I get i might not have family to help you. But having zero friends seem hard to believe really...
But it seems you are getting a bit better cuz your replying so much, so thats good news. Good luck.

TheDaydreamBelievers · 06/04/2022 13:53

Sorry to hear you are so ill OP. Your 'D'H doesn't sound very nice with ignoring you... I understand why he can't take the day off but don't think mine would ignore me - he would be popping his head in at every loo break and bringing water etc.

For vomiting - poly bags may be a good bet. Hold around mouth when vomiting so it all goes in the bag, then put in a bin, then when stopped vomiting at end of the day, put the main bin bag out (or get him to do it)

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 06/04/2022 13:53

If you are well enough to be here, then you can are well enough to look after yourself. Sorry if this sounds harsh but he is WFH and will help after work. I have been in your situation and as a single parent with no help. Its hard but you do survive.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 06/04/2022 13:54

@Ireallycantthinkofagoodone

If I was experiencing D&V, I don’t think I would have the energy or inclination to be posting on a forum.
Absolutely, I had no energy to even call for help.
LannieDuck · 06/04/2022 13:56

Yes, of course he can take a day off. His 2yo is sick and (at the moment) there are no other adults to take care of him/her. Where I work, I get emergency parental leave for that type of situation - does he?

Third day in a new job isn't great timing, but no-one chooses to have a sick kid. What would he do if he were a single parent? He'd take the day off.

Original poster
Bluffysummers · 06/04/2022 13:57

@UnshakenNeedsStirring

If you are well enough to be here, then you can are well enough to look after yourself. Sorry if this sounds harsh but he is WFH and will help after work. I have been in your situation and as a single parent with no help. Its hard but you do survive.
Was actually the only thing that was keeping me awake when feeding whilst providing a little bit of distraction.

I’ve had an appendicitis and was also on my phone when in a and e for a little distraction and could definitely say in that instance i couldn’t take care of myself or anyone else.

Luckily after that rest and sweating it out a bit, i feel better, able to cope.

OP posts:
Horst · 06/04/2022 13:58

I’ve got no friends I could call on right now. We just moved house to a new area. My family is over an hour away to get here as they don’t drive. Dhs family are all at work mon-Fri. So during the working hours I’d have nobody that could be here easily or freely to help don’t think that is that strange.

Just roll with it and get on with it tends to be how it works.

Original poster
Bluffysummers · 06/04/2022 13:59

@Marvellousmadness

I just read that your dh... works from home! Hmm ??

And I get i might not have family to help you. But having zero friends seem hard to believe really...
But it seems you are getting a bit better cuz your replying so much, so thats good news. Good luck.

You’re an unkind person.

A lot of people have ‘mates’ people they’d hang out with in good times, go shopping etc but I learned real friends are hard to come by when my dad died. Remarkable how many people disappear then

OP posts:
MiniTheMinx · 06/04/2022 14:15

I'm glad you are feeling a bit better now. Flowers

There are friends and there are friends. Not all 'friends' can be rellied upon. And I think sadly its quite common not to have close friends on your doorstep you can call on. No need for anyone to be made to feel crap about that.

Hopefully your DH can step straight in and help as soon as he finishes work, then take bucket or bags....whichever and go and lay down and rest. Maybe he can help you change the bed and feed himself and toddler.

worriedatthistime · 06/04/2022 14:48

I think its not hard to be well enough to post on mumsnet
I was in a&e on a bed awaiting treatment and taken in by ambulance but managed to post on here the other week , only thing that took my mind off what was happening and whilst I was waiting on drs/ nurses to decide what to do

LannieDuck · 06/04/2022 15:03

I'm curious what will happen if he comes down with the same D&V bug tomorrow... will he be too ill to work? Or will he push through because 'he can't possibly take a day off when he's only 3 days into a new job'...?

NoAprilFool · 06/04/2022 15:09

I have lots of friends. Not sure any of them would want to come round and get a nasty stomach bug!!
Glad you’re feeling a bit better OP. It’s years ago now but I remember how rotten it is when you’re properly unwell with a baby.

stuntbubbles · 06/04/2022 15:26

@NoAprilFool

I have lots of friends. Not sure any of them would want to come round and get a nasty stomach bug!! Glad you’re feeling a bit better OP. It’s years ago now but I remember how rotten it is when you’re properly unwell with a baby.
Same! All my friends would say “But I’m at work” – and the ones that aren’t also have tiny babies and I would not want to give them what OP’s got.

No idea why people are being so horrible on this thread, other than “because Mumsnet”.

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