To expect my husband to help me

[Bluffysummers]

I have an ebf 3 month old and a 2 year old with a tummy bug.

I have caught said bug and I feel like I’m dying, I feel like I’m going to vomit so far only managing small sips of water to get me through the day. I feel so weak I can barely lift the baby to feed him. Got a temp and the shakes.
Baby isn’t a great napper and I can’t co sleep and tbh with how I feel it’s not safe.

Would it be unreasonable for DH to take the day off work?

Plot twist it’s his 3rd day in a brand new role that’s a big pay rise so he thinks it will make him look bad. Which It probably would, but honestly I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus.

Aibu to still want dh to take the day off?

We’ve got no friends or family that could or would help out. There is no one else

‘ Ultimately it actually sounds quite dangerous’

That’s what I’m thinking too

[quote Mummy1608]@turningpurple
Yes I have read it, scroll to the bottom where it mentions emergency parental leave for illness![/quote]
You didn't read it. Or my post and/or can not see my screen shots.

When it's an emergency it is nor parental leave. It lists the type you use for emergency. Ie 'time off for dependents'

It’s a new company, if it was the old one he’d do it in a flash. then you are ill enough for him to do it with this new company. This should be judged by how ill you are not what his bosses think.

@Mummy1608

www.acas.org.uk/parental-leave

@ilovesooty HTH

No. Parental leave is not for emergencies. Emergency leave is different HTH.

@Turningpurple OK yes I see you can take time off for other dependents too. It sounds like you are agreeing with me...? Employers expect this.

If OP's DH were to mention casually in conversation how ill his wife is, his colleagues would rightly judge him "why are you here, take the day off and help look after your children!" At least they would at my workplace and at my DH's, I just read out the OP to him. He has some very high earning managers/senior colleagues and he says they've taken days off for things like this, no problem

Can you get a babysitter to come and help? You can get last minute ones from online sites like sitters.co.uk

@ilovesooty thank you for your help! I stand corrected on my employer's incoirect terminology (?!) I'm not sure why you pounced on my comment in the first place, it's OP's husband who thinks it's not OK to take time off for dependents or emergency leave or whatever you prefer to call it

OP has the shakes (must be very dehydrated) and feels weak to lift her ebf baby. I draw the line way lower than this for expecting my DH to help“

Fair enough, each to their own. My husband worked away, we managed 🤷‍♀️

@MrsSkylerWhite

OP has the shakes (must be very dehydrated) and feels weak to lift her ebf baby. I draw the line way lower than this for expecting my DH to help“

Fair enough, each to their own. My husband worked away, we managed 🤷‍♀️

You did really well, but it sounds like you had no other option. Op clearly does have a better option

@AndSoFinally

Can you get a babysitter to come and help? You can get last minute ones from online sites like sitters.co.uk

You'd have to pay them danger money for that!

You said new role so is it with the same company as that will make a difference as they will know his sickness history
He could at least explain the situatuon and ask for a few extra breaks and also help when in lunch and take over when finished
That would at least be a compromise

@worriedatthistime

You said new role so is it with the same company as that will make a difference as they will know his sickness history He could at least explain the situatuon and ask for a few extra breaks and also help when in lunch and take over when finished That would at least be a compromise

New job new company

@AndSoFinally

Can you get a babysitter to come and help? You can get last minute ones from online sites like sitters.co.uk

What so they can come catch the bug and pass it onto their next clients?

[quote Mummy1608]@Turningpurple OK yes I see you can take time off for other dependents too. It sounds like you are agreeing with me...? Employers expect this.

If OP's DH were to mention casually in conversation how ill his wife is, his colleagues would rightly judge him "why are you here, take the day off and help look after your children!" At least they would at my workplace and at my DH's, I just read out the OP to him. He has some very high earning managers/senior colleagues and he says they've taken days off for things like this, no problem[/quote]
Agreeing with what?

Your link explains what Parental leave is.
It is Parental leave is to be taken in week blocks and advance notice given. There are slight differences if your child is disabled. Parental leave can be rejected but they must offer other dates. Ita nor for emergencies.

Your link then goes on to say what to do it it is an emergency. So if your child is off sick, it's 'Time off for dependents'.

If the dh goes asking for Parental leave it will get knocked back because Parental leave isnt for emergencies. I have seen it in rl and threads here where people asking for Parental leave when they mean time off for dependents and it gets knocked back because they are 2 different things.

I haven't given an opinion on the situation. Because if op is as ill as she says, I think she needs urgent medical attention. Which is a whole other situation.

Please don't take your DD who has a tummy bug into nursery

If it's that bad your DH needs to step up.

Ok I think he should still explain and ask for some breaks to help explain how ill you are etc , they may even just say take the day off

I also second you getting some medical advice as sounds more than just an upset stomach

‘Because if op is as ill as she says, I think she needs urgent medical attention. Which is a whole other situation.’

Do you need urgent medical attention for food poisoning or D&v? I’ve never got urgent medical attention for those things before and I’ve never been responsible for 2 littles when ive had it before

TBH as it's his third day in a new job it would look v v bad IMO. I presume he is on probation also? I understand how sick you are and how awful you feel, is there any family you can ring for help?

I’ve also been up since 3am so thst can’t be helping anything

@IrishMama2015

TBH as it's his third day in a new job it would look v v bad IMO. I presume he is on probation also? I understand how sick you are and how awful you feel, is there any family you can ring for help?

I’ve said in the OP there is no one. Not a soul

We don’t come from loving families

Is there some middle ground between him taking the day off and you having to do everything yourself?

I'd have thought he could mention your situation to his manager, and could pop out to you guys every now and then, maybe keep an eye in the toddler in front of the tv whilst you and baby take a nap together, or send you to bed for an hour whilst he has a sleeping baby in the sling etc.

If it wasnt a brand new job I'd say he should definitely take the day off though.

Sorry OP I missed that on the original post. I hope you feel better soon

@Somuchgoo

Is there some middle ground between him taking the day off and you having to do everything yourself?

I'd have thought he could mention your situation to his manager, and could pop out to you guys every now and then, maybe keep an eye in the toddler in front of the tv whilst you and baby take a nap together, or send you to bed for an hour whilst he has a sleeping baby in the sling etc.

If it wasnt a brand new job I'd say he should definitely take the day off though.

He’s just ignoring me now. Baby was sleeping on me and I asked him to take him in the carrier and he just ignored me, i was sick on the bed too because putting baby down in a safe place just didn’t have the time,

Third day in if he's wfh...think you'll have to suck it up...and he will just have to help you if and when he can. Sympathy... I've been there...with a baby and toddler and proper flu. Absolute hell on earth