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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pregnant - Really do bot want to go to office

140 replies

creol · 06/04/2022 07:37

I know i probably am BU here, but recently work want us to go into the office 1 day a week. I was expecting to be on mat leave by the time this happened.

Im 7 months pregnant, quite large with it as well, i keep getting told i look 9 months by lots of lovely people.

Although it is only 1 day a week i get myself in such a tizz the night before, the anxiety of needing the loo so much, i am also having a few issues in that area so i dread being out the house let alone in an office full of people. Plus i cannot extend childcare past a certain time on that day due to capacity so i am late to pick ds up which is horrible for us both, im driving fast and stressing trying to get to him.

What reasons can i give to back up the request to wfh until i go on mat leave? Other than the truth.

Apologies if i am bring insensitive and potentially using real problems that other pregnant women have but i just know telling them the real reasons wont go down well. At ALL!

OP posts:
OutingHobby · 06/04/2022 07:39

Can you ask to do a different day instead? And just tell them the truth that should be enough for them.

Pyri · 06/04/2022 07:46

I think you should have an open discussion with them (ie HR and / or your manager) to explain what you’ve said above about your pelvic issues and also any concerns around covid given you have to be careful not to catch it in 3rd trimester

I think the point about picking up your child is a bit unfair though, it’s on you to have appropriate childcare in place and it’s very reasonable for your employer to ask you to come in once a week. I wouldn’t lead with that point tbh, can you stagger your start / finish times so your husband does one drop off or pick up if needed?

NiceTwin · 06/04/2022 07:46

Many pregnant women need the toilet frequently, I don't think that is reason enough.

Can you not arrange for someone else to pick up dc from childcare?

Unless there us a genuine medical reason I think you need to suck it up and crack on.

twinsetandpearl · 06/04/2022 07:48

@NiceTwin

Many pregnant women need the toilet frequently, I don't think that is reason enough.

Can you not arrange for someone else to pick up dc from childcare?

Unless there us a genuine medical reason I think you need to suck it up and crack on.

Have to agree

It's one day a week for a few for weeks. We're you usually such an anxious person?

Childcare is your responsibility not employers

Silverbirch2 · 06/04/2022 07:48

Agree with above. Not good reasons you need to go do your job.

Mindymomo · 06/04/2022 07:48

You can only ask, put across everything you’ve said here, otherwise have you got any holiday that you can take on that day. If you are really quite big, you may have no alternative than to take mat leave sooner. Good luck.

HeyBlaby · 06/04/2022 07:50

I'm pregnant and a district nurse on permanent night shifts, this sounds like a bit of a joke unless there's some other reason you're not mentioning.

Nothappyatwork · 06/04/2022 07:50

Just book it is annual leave until you go on maternity leave the day that they want you in the office

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 06/04/2022 07:50

@Silverbirch2

Agree with above. Not good reasons you need to go do your job.
Presumably she has been doing her job from home perfectly well.
Cstring · 06/04/2022 07:52

The childcare is on you to sort out, are other days better for you?
1 day in the office a week really isn’t a big ask, a lot of companies I deal with are moving towards 3 per week now. I think you just need to get in with it Im afraid.

MiddleParking · 06/04/2022 07:52

I think for the sake of once per week for less than two months, it wouldn’t be worth making them think badly of you (which they almost certainly will) by asking not to come in on those days. How many more times will you even have to do it?

Chickychoccyegg · 06/04/2022 07:52

Unfortunately I don't think either of these reasons are going to make a difference to your employer, but maybe they're nice and understanding, so worth asking.
You'll need to find more suitable childcare for after you go back to work anyway though.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 06/04/2022 07:53

Those don't sound like very compelling reasons to be honest. Everyone with kids who works is responsible for sorting out their own childcare. As for needing the loo, how do you think pregnant women who work out of the home every day manage? As PP said if it's really an issue you need to take early maternity.

twominutesmore · 06/04/2022 07:53

I'm struggling to be sympathetic. It's one day a week for the next few weeks. You've been wfh for a long time, so surely you can organise things so that you can comply with your employer's reasonable request to return one day per week. All of the things you describe are typical in pregnancy but most are doing it five days per week.

cuppateatime123 · 06/04/2022 07:55

Sorry but you're being pathetic. I'm a nurse, work 10 hour shifts and I'm perfectly capable of walking to and from the toilet while there.
Are you telling me while you're at home you camp outside the bathroom because you need the toilet so much.
Man up you're only pregnant, just like the 1000's of other women who work away from home right now

OutingHobby · 06/04/2022 07:57

You could always start maternity leave early?

sunflowerdaisyrose · 06/04/2022 07:57

I would just talk to them and tell them the truth (but miss out the childcare reason). Struggling to drive comfortably, uncomfortable sitting at a desk and need the loo a lot, worried about catching covid... See if they're sympathetic and would allow you to keep wfh until after May leave.

OutingHobby · 06/04/2022 07:57

@cuppateatime123

Sorry but you're being pathetic. I'm a nurse, work 10 hour shifts and I'm perfectly capable of walking to and from the toilet while there. Are you telling me while you're at home you camp outside the bathroom because you need the toilet so much. Man up you're only pregnant, just like the 1000's of other women who work away from home right now
Everyone's pregnancy is different
ladydimitrescu · 06/04/2022 07:58

Arrange appropriate childcare so you can collect him safely. You're excusing dangerous driving because you have to go into the office once a week Confused
If you crash your car, is that your employers fault?

Nothappyatwork · 06/04/2022 07:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Underfrighter · 06/04/2022 07:59

You can ask for reasonable adjustments. In our office they let heavily pregnant people work from home even before covid, or if they came in they let them come in late to miss the traffic so they had a shorter or less busy commute

Pyri · 06/04/2022 07:59

@Nothappyatwork

Gosh there’s some mean spirited bitches on here and one of them is appallingly a nurse, that’s disconcerting.
Bitches? Nice Confused
Waxonwaxoff0 · 06/04/2022 07:59

@OutingHobby yes they are, but if you can't do the job that's required of you then you need to go on maternity leave early. One day a week in the office should be manageable for most pregnancies and if it's not then you shouldn't really be working at all.

OutingHobby · 06/04/2022 08:00

And "man up"? Really?!

OutingHobby · 06/04/2022 08:00

[quote Waxonwaxoff0]@OutingHobby yes they are, but if you can't do the job that's required of you then you need to go on maternity leave early. One day a week in the office should be manageable for most pregnancies and if it's not then you shouldn't really be working at all.[/quote]
Exactly, maybe OP should start maternity leave early.

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