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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pregnant - Really do bot want to go to office

140 replies

creol · 06/04/2022 07:37

I know i probably am BU here, but recently work want us to go into the office 1 day a week. I was expecting to be on mat leave by the time this happened.

Im 7 months pregnant, quite large with it as well, i keep getting told i look 9 months by lots of lovely people.

Although it is only 1 day a week i get myself in such a tizz the night before, the anxiety of needing the loo so much, i am also having a few issues in that area so i dread being out the house let alone in an office full of people. Plus i cannot extend childcare past a certain time on that day due to capacity so i am late to pick ds up which is horrible for us both, im driving fast and stressing trying to get to him.

What reasons can i give to back up the request to wfh until i go on mat leave? Other than the truth.

Apologies if i am bring insensitive and potentially using real problems that other pregnant women have but i just know telling them the real reasons wont go down well. At ALL!

OP posts:
FilthyforFirth · 06/04/2022 08:02

You can only ask, but I do think that only one day a week is quite reasonable of your employers. Your childcare issues are nothing to do with work I'm afraid.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 06/04/2022 08:03

@Nothappyatwork

Gosh there’s some mean spirited bitches on here and one of them is appallingly a nurse, that’s disconcerting.
Not really mean. Needing to go to the loo and not having appropriate childcare in place aren't really good reasons not to go into work.
comealongponds · 06/04/2022 08:03

YABU

It’s one day a week, it’s a completely reasonable expectation from your employer

Can you swap days to a day when you can extend childcare? Or your DH/DP do pick up instead? it’s or else leave work early. YABVU to be repeatedly late for pick up and for driving dangerously to get there.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 06/04/2022 08:03

@OutingHobby yes, which is what I suggested.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 06/04/2022 08:03

Just go to work, do your job, and arrange childcare that’s appropriate for your needs. That’s what adults do! Your workplace should have risk assessments in place for pregnant women and be able to accommodate such things as more frequent toilet breaks, etc.

I think the WFH culture during the pandemic has created some very bizarre outcomes in terms of how people now seem to view being expected to go into the office as some kind of outrageously unfair imposition.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 06/04/2022 08:05

Yabu

CoreyTaylorisHot · 06/04/2022 08:05

I know every pregnancy is different but from the reasons you've stated and you say your being unreasonable then yes I would say you are being unreasonable.
It's more that it's an inconvenience for you, but at the end of the day it's part of your job and it's only one day per week.

OutingHobby · 06/04/2022 08:06

[quote Waxonwaxoff0]@OutingHobby yes, which is what I suggested.[/quote]
And me. I agree if they won't let OP work from home and she can't manage 1 day in the office then she should consider starting mat leave early.

My response was to the "man up" comment and just because supernurse could manage through their pregnancy didn't mean everyone could.

Nothappyatwork · 06/04/2022 08:07

They are perfectly valid reasons if it’s important to the person that needs to pee and the person that doesn’t have childcare. There are weeks I don’t go into the office at all on the basis that I just don’t want to. It’s not actually necessary to attend for most office jobs.

What I actually suspect is those who are being nasty to the pregnant lady have never had the option to work from home due to their career choices and they’re jealously is clouding their views. The compassion fatigue is clearly an issue for them and sounds like they could do with a few days iff themselves.

Beamur · 06/04/2022 08:08

Could you do 2 half days? Presumably your office (for whatever reason) wants people physically in the office, so taking a days leave won't work as they would just expect you in another day.
Early maternity leave could be an option if you're finding the commute too uncomfortable?

ColdSeptember · 06/04/2022 08:08

I do think you'll have to suck it up. You'll only be doing it a handful of times. Childcare is your responsibility as a parent to sort out and you absolutely shouldn't be driving dangerously, there's no excuse for that.

chuffoff · 06/04/2022 08:09

It's worth speaking to your employer. I've negotiated working my last month of mat leave solely from home. Due to various risk factors my consultant is keen for me to not exert myself and recommended I take early mat leave but they haven't sorted out my cover yet nor have I been able to prep handover so this is best compromise for me and my employer. My brain is still functioning fine. We're also still required to wear masks at all times at work and it's becoming more of a struggle to sit and concentrate while trying to draw in oxygen.

xoJellyBean · 06/04/2022 08:09

I'm forced in to the office 5 days a week - you should be thankful it's only 1 day 🤔💭

bigbluebus · 06/04/2022 08:10

I think you just need to get your head around "how would I have managed if Covid had never happened ?". Presumably you'd have been in the office every day previously.

You have 3 options here. Approach your employer and ask for an exception to be made for you.
Go on maternity leave early
Suck it up and get on with it - pre Covid you would never even have considered this to be a problem!

Original poster
creol · 06/04/2022 08:10

Oh no, honestly I didn't mean to come across like that.

I totally get that 1 day is nothing at all, and the childcare element is on me also. I don't mean I am dangerously driving, it's just that rush feeling when you need to get somewhere.

It's more just how I feel, the dread, the embarrassment of the toilet trips as they really are a-lot, and without oversharing it's not the standard baby on bladder situation. There are a few other things which boil down to my MH I would say, other than the reality of working that 1 day.

I will get over myself anyway and just deal with it.

Apologies for annoying any other pregnant women who have to go into work more than that.

OP posts:
OutingHobby · 06/04/2022 08:11

@Beamur

Could you do 2 half days? Presumably your office (for whatever reason) wants people physically in the office, so taking a days leave won't work as they would just expect you in another day. Early maternity leave could be an option if you're finding the commute too uncomfortable?
That's a good idea to look at OP. You wouldn't have to rush with the commute back as you can get home during lunch.
chuffoff · 06/04/2022 08:11

Sorry typo, just to clarify, I've negotiated working my last month before mat leave solely from home.

Eucalyptusbee · 06/04/2022 08:11

Also struggling to be sympathetic

Remmy123 · 06/04/2022 08:13

It's your job and you have to suck it up and go I'm afraid.

It won't be as bad as you imagined.

OutingHobby · 06/04/2022 08:13

It's more just how I feel, the dread, the embarrassment of the toilet trips as they really are a-lot, and without oversharing it's not the standard baby on bladder situation. then I think you've got a case to ask if they can adjust things for you if you need it.

Twopandemicpregnancies · 06/04/2022 08:13

I sympathise, OP. I had a dreadful first pregnancy commuting to work, throwing up at work until 38 weeks with a toilet really far from my desk etc.
Second pregnancy it was policy to work at home due to covid and it was so much better. Covid is absolutely rife right now and you should remind your HR department that getting covid in your third trimester increases your risk of premature labour and stillbirth therefore you are requesting to work from home for the remainder of your pregnancy.

chuffoff · 06/04/2022 08:16

I think you're getting an unnecessarily hard time on here OP. At one time, your only options would've have been to suck it up or take early maternity leave but the latter option might still put your an employer in a difficult situation in terms of training, handover, cover etc. The working landscape has changed now and like in my case, you offering to wfh, which you've already successfully done, might actually be the preferred option for your employer rather than early mat leave. Your anxieties do sound perfectly valid to me.

Fashionesta · 06/04/2022 08:16

Childcare and toilet issues are not a valid reason. I WFH but even then arrange after school childcare as can't just leave a meeting at 3!

If it is MH you could definitely try and get signed off. I was signed off in the last month of my pregnancy due to MH problems. I think that is your best option here.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 06/04/2022 08:16

@Nothappyatwork

They are perfectly valid reasons if it’s important to the person that needs to pee and the person that doesn’t have childcare. There are weeks I don’t go into the office at all on the basis that I just don’t want to. It’s not actually necessary to attend for most office jobs. What I actually suspect is those who are being nasty to the pregnant lady have never had the option to work from home due to their career choices and they’re jealously is clouding their views. The compassion fatigue is clearly an issue for them and sounds like they could do with a few days iff themselves.
nasty to the pregnant lady - seriously, are you five years old?

They are not remotely valid reasons - every working human being needs to pee and every working parent needs childcare. Most manage to achieve this and do their job.

It’s an easy solution to say that anyone who doesn’t agree with you is nasty and jealous and to offer some simplistic armchair psychology, isn’t it? Avoids having to do any thinking.

Gazelda · 06/04/2022 08:16

@Beamur

Could you do 2 half days? Presumably your office (for whatever reason) wants people physically in the office, so taking a days leave won't work as they would just expect you in another day. Early maternity leave could be an option if you're finding the commute too uncomfortable?
Could this work OP? It might be a solution.