Pregnant - Really do bot want to go to office

[creol]

I know i probably am BU here, but recently work want us to go into the office 1 day a week. I was expecting to be on mat leave by the time this happened.

Im 7 months pregnant, quite large with it as well, i keep getting told i look 9 months by lots of lovely people.

Although it is only 1 day a week i get myself in such a tizz the night before, the anxiety of needing the loo so much, i am also having a few issues in that area so i dread being out the house let alone in an office full of people. Plus i cannot extend childcare past a certain time on that day due to capacity so i am late to pick ds up which is horrible for us both, im driving fast and stressing trying to get to him.

What reasons can i give to back up the request to wfh until i go on mat leave? Other than the truth.

Apologies if i am bring insensitive and potentially using real problems that other pregnant women have but i just know telling them the real reasons wont go down well. At ALL!

If its too difficult speak to your manager, hopefully you can WFH that day. It does sound stressful and I say that as a nurse who worked up until a week before I had my DS. 12.5 hour shifts, massive bump, water weight, obstetric choleastasis 😆 but I am not you and if the option is there why not decrease your stress a bit before lo arrives. I do think there is a lack of empathy on this post but that's not something you can teach.

Ignore people who are jealous that you are pregnant in a WFH era and role.

Get a doctors note. The urinating issue alone should be enough. Why put yourself through it all when you have an alternative.

I had a lot of pain and complications in my 2019 pregnancy. I wish I'd had the option to WFH. But being mean to OP and encouraging her to suffer through doesn't change a thing about my experience.

I'm glad future pregnant women hopefully have an easier time.

@creol

Oh no, honestly I didn't mean to come across like that.

I totally get that 1 day is nothing at all, and the childcare element is on me also. I don't mean I am dangerously driving, it's just that rush feeling when you need to get somewhere.

It's more just how I feel, the dread, the embarrassment of the toilet trips as they really are a-lot, and without oversharing it's not the standard baby on bladder situation. There are a few other things which boil down to my MH I would say, other than the reality of working that 1 day.

I will get over myself anyway and just deal with it.

Apologies for annoying any other pregnant women who have to go into work more than that.

I think if you're struggling this much you need to start ML early. You can go on maternity from 29 weeks.
I get it's not ideal, last year when I was pregnant with my Son I had to stop at 31 weeks pregnant, I'd planned on working to 37 but I had SPD and I'm a dog groomer so on my feet and lifting all day, between that and the HG I had throughout, I was burnt out and couldn't physically manage it anymore.

The "I did this job and managed it so you should" posters are being ridiculous. Everyone's pregnancy is different and just because someone was able to keep going doesn't mean everyone is. However, that's then on you to take ML as the reasons you've given aren't really enough for your employer.

There's no harm talking to your employer about it and see what they say but I don't think lying about something because you don't think the truth is good enough is a good way to go.

@Annette32123 I would actually expect a nurse with or without a penis to display more empathy but as I say it’s clear their suffering with compassion fatigue doesn’t take long does it within the NHS. People need to be on guard from it, literally it’s a safeguarding issue to have two parents as medics because children who aren’t dying from cancer and bleeding from the ears get dismissed as overreacting to medical symptoms on a frighteningly regular basis.

[quote Nothappyatwork]@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross not every working human being has a 6 pound babysat in their uterus pressing against the bladder …. are you five years old do we need to explain the biology of this to you ?[/quote]
Slow handclap for your ability to use my own words back to me - verily you are the Barack Obama of MN with your rhetorical skill.

So if you have a baby pressing on your bladder, you go to the toilet more frequently. And? Why does this render you incapable of going into work?

I think people really are missing that OP has repeatedly alluded that she is having some kind of toileting issue above and beyond frequently needing to visit the loo to wee. I would assume incontinence and it's not clear whether this is urinary or bowel, could even be both, OP hasn't said. If you suffered from bowel incontinence during pregnancy would you be happy about office working? People really need to read posts properly and have some compassion and consider what could potentially be going on.

OP, I feel you need to speak to your midwife ASAP about whatever your toileting issues are, if you haven't already. They may be able to provide advice/treatment. Then I feel you should be honest with work about it and give that as your reason not to return to the office prior to mat leave. WFH short-term to save you for example from regular incontinence is really not too much to ask. Your employer should be sympathetic and I feel they should grant you this. However they can only do that if you are unflinchingly honest about your symptoms. Please try not to be embarrassed, any perinatal pelvic health issue is common and is a legitimate medical issue. If you really won't speak to work about your medical issue then I feel your only options are to put up with it, or begin your mat leave.

"What I would say is everyone has different needs and actually when businesses try to be more accommodating and flexible to this, it boosts their profits."

I feel that they are trying to be flexible by only asking staff to come in once every week instead of five.

OP, your dread is because you have been cocooned at home for two years. I daresay it's exacerbated by pregnancy but many people returning after two years wfh will feel similarly. Before covid, you'd have been there five days a week all through your pregnancy.

Ffs you are being totally precious here.
I’m seven months pregnant and with crippling insomnia and I’m on the loo a ridiculous amount…I have to work in the office five days a week full time.
One day a week! And I’m assuming your work place has a loo?
I would say man up.

The OP’s mistake was to mention her childcare issue of rushing for collection

Because so so so many of us have been in same position. For years and years.

Should’ve have just said “I’m so so so anxious about covid!”

And everyone would have said “there there OP. Of course you’re not being unreasonable”.

@Theyulelog

Ffs you are being totally precious here. I’m seven months pregnant and with crippling insomnia and I’m on the loo a ridiculous amount…I have to work in the office five days a week full time. One day a week! And I’m assuming your work place has a loo? I would say man up.

She’s a woman. Why would you say man up? What a weird thing to say.

@Nothappyatwork total overreaction saying it's a safeguarding issue to have two parents that are medics! Nothing at all to do with OPs post.

@Theyulelog

Ffs you are being totally precious here. I’m seven months pregnant and with crippling insomnia and I’m on the loo a ridiculous amount…I have to work in the office five days a week full time. One day a week! And I’m assuming your work place has a loo? I would say man up.

Another one with the "man up"

Oh! Happy to be corrected! To be honest I don’t really follow the rates these days.

My point more so was rather than saying childcare/loo issues. If you can’t be arsed to go to the office for 5/6 days or your remaining pregnancy, just ask them to consider you not to go to reduce exposure. I’m not sure what the hospitals are currently expecting re testing positive/birth partners so think it’s legit reasonable without being questioned too much.

My employer agreed to let me WFH full time when I was pregnant last year. Mainly due to Covid but also to make things easier for me with appointments etc. No one batted an eyelid, as far as I know. And everyone was really accommodating and kind about it. You can always ask. Given you’re 7 months pregnant it’s only a few more weeks anyway.

And it sounds like you may be suffering with toileting issues over and above standard pregnancy bladder? If so do speak to your midwife or GP.

I’m teaching 5 days a week, 6 months pregnant with awful back pain and on my feet for the best part of the day dealing with unruly kids so really struggling to be sympathetic… I think you either need to get on with it or go off on maternity leave earlier than planned. You have no good reason not to go in.

When I voiced my concerns about going into work pregnant and being so exposed to covid I was told by numerous people if I didn’t like it then I should go on maternity leave!