Long story short, one of my oldest friends is getting married in May. My husband and I have been invited to the wedding and RSVP'd yes, but I'm now not sure I want to go. It's just over 4 weeks away. Here's the long story:
The bride and I have been friends since school, so over 20 years. We lived together for a few years in our twenties, and she was bridesmaid at my wedding about 6 years ago. However, in the past few years, we've drifted apart. She started cancelling on our plans at the last minute (something I probably find excessively annoying), and I noticed she'd also started making plans with mutual friends (including two she only knows through me) without me. She had NEVER raised any issues with me or said she'd been upset by anything I've done. Basically, she just gave me a slow burn ghosting. Over the years, on a number of occasions, I've tried to rekindle things - told her I missed her, suggested getting together. She's always up for this, then cancels at the last minute.
3 years ago, I had a baby (I told you this was a long story!). I really mourned my old life and found it really hard to cope with feeling like the world was going on without me. I got no support whatsoever from her, nor did she show any interest in meeting my daughter, so I decided I just couldn't see her any more and actively tried to avoid being around her whenever possible. If I came in to see other friends, I wouldn't tell her I was coming. Retrospectively, this probably was a bit petty, but I was really hurt. We were still in a few whatsapp groups together, but never spoke to each other one on one.
This was all made very easy in the pandemic, but then at the end of last summer, I accepted a job that would take me into London again, where she still lives. I decided I should try one more time to rekindle things with one of my oldest friends.
I reached out in a message and said I missed her, that I didn't really understand what had happened, and I'd love to smooth things over. She said I'd done some things to upset her, that I'm willing to accept, though she was very vague about it, but that it was water under the bridge and yes, we should catch up. Of course, she then cancelled on our plans. But she also told me she'd just got engaged, and in the new year, despite us still not seeing each other in 2+ years, she invited us to their wedding this spring.
We have since seen each other for a drink with another friend and it was really lovely, but brief (we'd made dinner plans but surprise surprise she double booked). This weekend I found out she'd had her hen do, and although I sort of knew it was happening and I hadn't been invited, I wasn't prepared for how heartbroken I was. It was devastating to see photos of her and my other friends pop up on social.
I'm now thinking, I don't want to go to the wedding. I feel like I've tried pretty hard to fix things, but not inviting me to her hen do and continually cancelling on me really suggests she doesn't actually care about it. Surely I am just making a fool of myself?
But is it too late to cancel? It's just over 4 weeks away! It wouldn't be designed to be an 'f' you, more a move of self preservation! But I know from experience how stressful weddings are and how rude it is to do this last minute.