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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

“How much did it cost?”

170 replies

OrangeStapler · 05/04/2022 12:09

I have recently, after over 5 years of saving, purchased a vehicle that is linked to my hobby. It was a lot of money to me, more than I have ever spent on an item before.
I haven’t seen many people yet but the handful I have seen have been very quick to ask how much it cost.
I’m not sure of their motives but I find the situation really uncomfortable and I think unless you are close to someone (these people are not close friends) then you shouldn’t ask.
AIBU?
YABU: it’s fine to ask.
YANBU: you shouldn’t ask.

Anyone got any ideas for what I can say in the future when people ask? Preferably that don’t make me sound equally rude 😄

OP posts:

IaltagDhubh · 05/04/2022 17:33

Ah, I was just coming to guess that it was a clown car, complete with doors that fall off and a cute squeaky horn.

I would have been satisfied with the hovercraft too as long as you planned to fill it with eels.

Horse box is a bit of a let down, really OP.

2bazookas · 05/04/2022 17:39

Its rude to ask, so just give them a fake answer.

"It was an absolute steal, only 20K"

MedSchoolRat · 05/04/2022 17:56

I dunno if it helps you to feel unhappy they are so nosy.
It could help you to deflect the question with good humour, like

'Not nearly enough. I still fancy the one that costs twice as much.'

and

'Huge amount. It's my mid-life crisis & I'm doing it in style"

etc.

SevenWaystoLeave · 05/04/2022 17:58

@Sparklingbrook

I think it's rude to ask, why do they need to know. (If anyone really wanted to know they could just Google it though).

i think I would just reply 'enough' if asked. Or 'just what I wanted to pay'.

I think those responses are ruder than asking tbh.

But I've never understood why people are so precious about talking about what things cost. Who cares if someone knows how much you spent on something? It's your money. What's the actual bad consequence of people knowing? There isn't one.

Starseeking · 05/04/2022 18:01

I'd just respond something like "As much as I could afford" then change the subject.

Unless you had asked anybody for contributions towards it, and from your posts I can see that you didn't, it's nobody else's business how much you spent.

tttigress · 05/04/2022 18:13

I was hoping the OP was going to say their hobby was "vigilante crime fighter" and they had bought a Batmobile!!

Sparklingbrook · 05/04/2022 18:23

I think those responses are ruder than asking tbh

It’s all in the delivery

SpringLobelia · 06/04/2022 07:47

TBH sometimes I wonder if the answer is different if it is expensive or cheap. I mean, I bought my car a few years back and was really pleased that it 'only' cost £5 k. I thought that was an absolute bargain for a really nice little car. happily told everyone who asked about my bargain.

Little bit less forthcoming on DH's car which was 5 times that because it seemed expensive.

But like I will say 'Oh I can[t believe I got this wonderful Burberry trench in a charity shop for £50!! (I did) ' but would be unlikely to be forthcoming about paying whatever it is they cost new.

None of this might be true, but I am just thinking out loud.

SwanBuster · 06/04/2022 08:39

@Notanotherwindow

I don't know why people are so weird about money. They're just curious about how much xyz item retails for. I wouldn't think twice about answering tbh.

Same 👍

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 06/04/2022 09:43

Those people saying "what's the big deal, just tell them" - is there nothing that you consider personal and don't want to talk about to 'curious' people? Sex life? Bowel habits?

As PP said, if somebody asked "Can I have a look at your bank statement?" (unless a mortgage lender or similar), would you really just hand it over for them to have a peruse? This is the same thing: everybody knows roughly how much you'll be spending on your boring utilities and everyday costs, so this is what the nosey people want to find out.

You may as well leave your curtains open all night, or leave the cubicle door wide open when you use a public toilet. It's just basic privacy and common decency.

There are ways of suggesting tactfully that you'd like to know the price paid, if they choose to share that, which don't awkwardly put them on the spot. The financial equivalent of asking "Do you think you might like to have children at some point?" vs "Are you two at it like rabbits all night and what positions do you prefer?!"

EmeraldShamrock1 · 06/04/2022 09:47

It's learned behaviour.

As DC we were told it was rude asking personal questions.

It irritates me when someone asks me lots of personal questions.

I'd only ask if I intended to buy one usually with "do you mind me asking".

Brunonononooo · 06/04/2022 09:50

I have voted YABU but I guess it depends how they are asking. I think if it was something really amazing that I was also interested in maybe buying myself I might say ‘do you mind if I ask how much it was’ or something but actually if they are just randomly asking as if to question how you can afford it then yes that is rude.

bingoitsadingo · 06/04/2022 09:56

I think it depends who’s asking

I have a horse and my colleagues, non-horsey friends will sometimes ask how much the horse, saddles, livery etc cost. Out of curiosity, it’s not from a judgmental place, so I usually answer (sometimes with more exact numbers than other times)

Someone thinking of buying similar, I’d probably answer.

Someone who knew a bit about horses, and was just being nosey, I might not

WomanStanleyWoman · 06/04/2022 15:05

So there are no bad consequences of people knowing - so what? There are no bad consequences of people NOT knowing either. And given that the OP, and others, don’t want people to know about their finances, what possible objection could you or anyone else have to being told ‘That’s none of your business’?

diddl · 06/04/2022 16:17

"But I've never understood why people are so precious about talking about what things cost. Who cares if someone knows how much you spent on something? It's your money. What's the actual bad consequence of people knowing? There isn't one."

"I've never understood why some people are so precious about knowing how much others spend!"

YoYoYoYoSup · 06/04/2022 16:42

@BitOutOfPractice

Oh god the mysterious MN "hobby" this time with an equally mysterious "vehicle". Why? Why not just say "I've just bought a horse box" or whatever. Unless it's a nuclear fusion hovercraft you won't be the only one!

This! Not rude to ask in my opinion. I'm one of those that always asks and wouldn't mind if people ask me.

WomanStanleyWoman · 06/04/2022 17:29

I'm one of those that always asks and wouldn't mind if people ask me.

Would you mind if the response was ‘None of your business’?

LadyFlumpalot · 06/04/2022 18:16

I mind answering how much my car cost to people outside the modified car world because it's invariably followed by then either saying "I WISH I had that much money to spend on a car, don't you have better things to spend it on?" or proudly telling me how their car only cost £250 and it's been running for 102 years. You see the same here on Mumsnet in Style and Beauty whenever anyone asks about handbags.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 06/04/2022 19:04

Although I've not (yet) had the opportunity, I would like to ask Elton John how much his wig cost, and whether his Mum had replaced the toilet seat cover now.

YoYoYoYoSup · 07/04/2022 21:36

@WomanStanleyWoman

I'm one of those that always asks and wouldn't mind if people ask me.

Would you mind if the response was ‘None of your business’?

No I wouldn't mind.

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