“How much did it cost?”

[OrangeStapler]

I have recently, after over 5 years of saving, purchased a vehicle that is linked to my hobby. It was a lot of money to me, more than I have ever spent on an item before.
I haven’t seen many people yet but the handful I have seen have been very quick to ask how much it cost.
I’m not sure of their motives but I find the situation really uncomfortable and I think unless you are close to someone (these people are not close friends) then you shouldn’t ask.
AIBU?
YABU: it’s fine to ask.
YANBU: you shouldn’t ask.

Anyone got any ideas for what I can say in the future when people ask? Preferably that don’t make me sound equally rude 😄

@OrangeStapler

Yeah YANBU. As a few pps have said 'oooh ya don't wanna know!' and then grin!

Some people are nosy gits! And feel it's OK to ask intrusive questions.

DH went part time at work several years ago, (26 hours a week,) as he had had enough of full time work. And after 40 years full time he has earned his stripes! (I work 24-25 hours a week.) We have no mortgage and no children at home and have low outgoings, and we have done everything we wish to do in our lives, so don't need masses of money, and we are comfortable.

Several times he has had someone at work say 'I don't understand how you and Starling manage on two part time wages, with a nice house, and a '17 registered car. ^^

And ^^ 'are you two OK?' DH is like 'what, yeah, why?' 'Well.... I hope you're OK financially.. ya know with you both being part time...' Nosey fuckers! How dare they try and nose into our bloody finances?! He tells them nothing. Just says 'it's really none of your business.'

Also, my friend who is 57 has not worked since the age of 51, as she has a chronic illness, and she is unlikely to work again. She has had several people (including an ex colleague,) saying 'are you not working yet?' and generally quizzing her as to why she isn't working. She has started saying she is retired, and one woman said 'don't be so stupid. You can't be retired this young,'

Like my DH, she has earned her stripes. Worked 35 years, raised 2 kids, and has only stopped work because of illness. She hasn't told most people about her chronic illness though, as it's absolutely fuck all to do with them. Still people ask.

And women roughly her age seem to get extremely annoyed and irked that she doesn't work, and hasn't since she was 51. Seems to really irritate them for some reason.

@DropYourSword

You seem to be reacting as if they are asking "how did you afford it" rather than how much it cost. Why is the cost of the item such an issue to disclose?

This IS what they are asking. Albeit inadvertently.

I dunno, the British are generally uncomfortable taking about money so it is rude in British culture. However, when my friend bought a campervan I was kind of interested in how much it cost because I wanted to know if it was within my reach to find something similar. I wouldn't directly ask though, but I did ask leading questions which allowed her to divulge the cost voluntarily - but she could equally have chosen not to if she wasn't comfortable with doing so). Mostly it's pretty easy to find out approx costs using Google.

MurmuratingStarling

Similarly, both DH and I work 4 days each, so we each have a day off in the week. We have 3 DC, one with significant SEN and physical needs, so we like to be here for him after school and we still have a lot of medical appointments which we arrange for these days. We are much more skint, but it's worth it for a better balance.

The sheer amount of people who comment 'Lucky for some'/ 'Jammy buggers' / 'Part-timers' etc is notable. Obviously not our friends and family as they know why: life with an SEN child is really, really fucking hard and we both get a morning a week to breathe/ be on our own/ regroup (then an afternoon of housework/ maintenance to make weekends easier). But I don't wish to share that with strangers/ acquaintances. People are so rude and judgemental.

Second hand horsebox? Then peeps wouldn't know how much you I'd just tell them to Foxtrot Oscar or just reply "a kidney" which usually shuts them up.

This post just made me smile, remembering that my late Mum's reply to this question would always have been "Money and fair words".

Yabu

@Puffalicious

MurmuratingStarling

Similarly, both DH and I work 4 days each, so we each have a day off in the week. We have 3 DC, one with significant SEN and physical needs, so we like to be here for him after school and we still have a lot of medical appointments which we arrange for these days. We are much more skint, but it's worth it for a better balance.

The sheer amount of people who comment 'Lucky for some'/ 'Jammy buggers' / 'Part-timers' etc is notable. Obviously not our friends and family as they know why: life with an SEN child is really, really fucking hard and we both get a morning a week to breathe/ be on our own/ regroup (then an afternoon of housework/ maintenance to make weekends easier). But I don't wish to share that with strangers/ acquaintances. People are so rude and judgemental.

Urgh. So many rude people. I put it down to jealousy.

Sounds like you and your DH do work hard though, in AND out of work. Cheeky sods saying 'all right for some' and so on! Who do some people think they are?

I think I'd only ask if it was something I'd be interested in buying myself, or just genuinely curious eg I have no idea how much a hovercraft would set you back but I'd be curious to know (if that was the kind of "outing" hobby that mumsnetters and their husbands have!). If the answer was 3 million I'd probably think "blimey! Not a hobby for me then!" but if that was friend's cup of tea I wouldn't judge her!

@HipTightOnions

"Money and fair words."

Snap!

Depends who really. I asked a really good friend for rough cost of her large purchase last year because we’re doing similar and it was really helpful to have a ballpark figure. I’d expect to be able to have that conversation although we’re both in a similar position financially (well, she has no mortgage so they’re better off) but both comfortable. I would not have asked in front of others or if she wasn’t a close friend. Random people I know well enough for a polite hello is odd but I’d assume they were thinking “how the fuck did you afford that?!”

When dc were little we had a fab holiday to New York and spent 3 weeks across a number of states. One friend seemed so puzzled as to how we could afford such a holiday. Turned out everyone thought we were on benefits. We had a nice but small 3 bed newbuild townhouse and a newish car so not sure why they made that assumption. We love travel so that’s where our money usually goes.

If you reply with the amount it cost all they know is that you could afford it, but they don't know how.
If you are evasive and say "5 years worth of saving" or "too much", people are going to presume much more about your finances than they would if you just said the figure and left it at that.
It can be an awkward question but considering that they can probably find out how much it cost by Googling, I think I'd just answer and then swiftly change the subject.

Are you worried they'll think you're rich and ask to borrow a tenner?

Otherwise I literally can not think why you would want to hide that information. So very weird.

@OutingHobby

Is it a pedalo?

It’s one of those fancy ones, you know, made to look like a swan. I’ve just completely outed myself haven’t I? 😂

Thank you for the variety of responses. It’s interesting to see that some people feel differently.

I guess I went for the classic mn “hobby” because if anyone recognised me it would be even more cringe than it already is!

The “vehicle” is a horsebox. It is far nicer than I ever expected I would manage to buy and I feel a bit self conscious about it.
I’ve had sleepless nights thinking about the money I have spent but I’ve saved hard specifically for it and searched for over a year to find a nice one.
The people who have said it’s more about me than the person asking are possibly right.
There have been some good suggestions here so I’ll select one and try to be more assertive but polite when I dodge the question.
Thanks all 🚚😁

BUT HOW MUCH DID IT COST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@MurmuratingStarling

BUT HOW MUCH DID IT COST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well in real life “money and fair words” But for the thread £29k Even typing that makes me uncomfortable. My most expensive car prior to now cost £6k

Depends who it is. If I think I'm going to get a 'You paid HOW MUCH???' in a tone that manages to be disgusted and mocking at the same time, or 'It's alright for some!', then I just say I can't remember.

Happy new horsebox, OP.

You can spend your money on whatever you please.

Enjoy.

"It was worth every penny!"
If they ask again then they aren't taking the hint.

I definitely think it comes down to context. If it's someone who is also involved in the activity/hobby, they're more likely to be wondering if they can afford one themselves. That I wouldn't mind so much. If I was that person and asking I'd probably word it more like "I'd love one of those... do you mind me asking how much it was? Or even a ballpark figure?" - just so I could see if it was within my reach or no chance. If I was being asked about it - depending on the person I might tell them or give them a rough idea of what they'd be looking to spend.

If it's a random acquaintance, friend or family member who has nothing to do with the hobby and doesn't "get" it (ie the type to scoff at anyone spending a lot of money on anything that doesn't interest them) - and/or if it's someone who likes to comment on/control/pick at what you spend your money on - I'd find that rude and tell them it was none of their business... or respond with a vague answer that tells them nothing.

In any event - ENJOY your new purchase!

I hate people asking how much stuff cost and then commenting negatively about said cost

It's rude to ask unless, maybe, if you're clearly in the market for one yourself. I'd make a jokey answer. "I've blocked it from my memory!", "Urgh, don't ask! I'm trying to forget!", etc.

Make a joke of it or just say its not the cost that matters, it's how happy it makes me

Ooh-is it a posh one that you can sleep in?

I mean people ask the cost-why?

I mean it's a pretty useless piece of info isn't it?

Op might have landed herself with a loan so it means sod all in terms of what she may or may not earn or have saved!

If I ask how much something costs, it's not to judge the person. It's to wonder whether I could afford it too . I think if you know its someone who has a tendency to be judgemental then yanbu, but others yabu. I don't think it's bad to ask.